abusive relationships? wtf?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by victor, Dec 26, 2010.

  1. victor

    victor Account Closed

    kk, now this one is serious n i really dont understand what the hell is goin on so maybe somebody will be able to explain.
    i share the house with my friend n his gf. they relationship is really disgusting to me. they have arguments twice daily. im the morning - before he goes to work, and at nite - when he returnts. on the good days its a ten minute 'fuck u, no -fuck u!' sesion, on the bad days it can be really horrible. and when i say horrible, trust me, i mean it.
    the guy is fucked up in his brain in this sence. he treats everyone nicely, everyone exept her.
    like even today - she was crying. nearly every day he makes her cry. and their argumens is.. well, all the most disgusting words a man can say to a woman, anything u can imagine, she hear that every day.
    he even slaped her once, only once in two yrs as far as i know, n it was more 4 a shock effect, coz i he'd really hit her she'd die there n then, as shes a small tiny girl, and hes a 100kg plus bodybuilder.
    dont get me wrong, hes a really good guy (thats why im friends with him) in every sence exept that.
    but talking bout his behaviour with his girl.. oh boy, if u'd see this hudge monster all furious screaming on this girl like 'slut, ima kill u, ima kill right now u fuckin bitch' u would run away n call police lol
    BUT. theres one big but. so far u'd think its ur typical abusive relationship and shes a victim. believe me, i wouldnt allow such things to happen in the place i live
    the thing is, i cant see her as a victim.
    first of all, shes not depending on him in any way, they're not married nor anything and she could dump him any time
    plus, shes not scared of him. he might be screaming that hes gonna kill her but hes not gonna do it and she knows it. hes not a violent person really, and always trying to avoid any problems. i know 4 sure he'd never beat her up or anything like that, even tho hes threatening every day. she knows that, too
    and when hes calms down and she stops crying - then she starts taking revange n screaming all the most disgusting things back at him. well, what im tryna say - shes not scared of him.
    plus, shes from another country. she lives here for a few months, goes back, comes back again, its like that.. so basically, its obvious, if she wouldnt wanna be with him, she simply wouldnt come back, isnt it?
    the only thing which makes her a victim is that shes the one who always ends up crying and hes the one who always starts argumes. the only time she starts the argument is when she catches him cheating. oh yeh, thats another thing - hes always cheating on her.
    yep, so when i thing bout them it just leaves me clueless. wtf? what kinda relationship is that? he treats her so bad, so disgusting, and she stil stays with him? why 4 fucks sake she doesnt leave him? he doesnt love her, his with her 4 only reason - sex, plus she cleans the house, prepares food and all that. so its convenient 4 him. but what about her?
    i tried to talk to her but she went like 'its just the way we communicate' and she told him i was questioning and then he came to me askin what the fuck is my problem. if anyone is stil reading til this point - can u try n explain me why would this girl continue such an abusive n humiliating relationship?
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    she probably has low self esteem and she LOVES him...

    my daughter has just left her partner because he was like your friend..
    this time he almost killed her...
  3. victor

    victor Account Closed

    sorry to hear bout ur daughter mate:(
    im actually thinkin now - if its like that now (they're dating 4 two yrs), who knows how it would be after 10yrs if they'd get married n everything. it could end up in serious abuse.. who knows.. but u see, I know them very well, i know everything - we live in the same house for fucks sake. and there is nothing - NOTHING - good or nice in their relationship. nothing at all. its not the kind where when its bad - its BAD n when its good - its really good. its more like when its bad - its BAD, and when its good - its simply boring. when they're not fighting, he choses to talk to his friends, play with his phone or do whatever but to spend time with her. what kind of love is that? i mean, why would the girl love such a dickhead (not nice to say it bout friend but he knows what i think bout his relationship so its o.k)
  4. Oloriel

    Oloriel Well-Known Member

    I used to be in exactly that situation, and I kept myself in it for three and a half years. When you don't love yourself, it's hard to leave a relationship for fear that you'll never be good enough to find another. It's not easy to realize that a relationship is abusive - I only realized that mine was after we had broken up, and I am always grateful that I was able to come to that realization. Often, women in abusive relationships will leave only to return - several times. It's hard to escape, and it usually takes outside help. Talking to my college friends helped me put my relationship in perspective and see what wasn't normal. Though again, I only had that after we had split.

    So love isn't always logical sadly, and for a woman stuck in an abusive relationship, recognizing it and leaving it can be difficult.
  5. victor

    victor Account Closed

    what do u mean? i dont understand. how can u not realise that ure being treated bad? can u explain more?
    But in this case with my housmates - shes a completely normal, outgoing girl. i wouldnt say she has low self esteem.. fuck knows.. but shes leaving in a week, thanks god, no more fights lol
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Verbal abuse is sometimes worse then physical abuse. I have found more then often verbal abuse does lead to physical abuse. The two should seperate or go get coucilling for anger both of them. ONe day this time of behavior will get ugly and you won't want to be there in the midst of it you could be harmed as well. time to tell your friend to go get help or to break it off totally with this girl i hope he listens.
  7. victor

    victor Account Closed

    he wont listen as hes completely happy with that. n she wont listen as she thinks that shes happy, too. i know if they continue it'll lead to smth bad down the line. well, if they r both happy its non of my business i just want to understand HOW can a person be happy in such relationship
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I don't think they truly are really I think they just put up with each other it is sad really
  9. victor

    victor Account Closed

    well, the guy has an attitude towards woman. he sees woman only as a sexual object, not more than that. he simply doesnt give a fuck n does whatever he wants. well, thats his personality, n hes completely comfortable with that
    the girl.. well, shes not very bright. shes not dumb, but shes not the sharpest knife in the drawer either as they say
    however, shes quite pretty girl, she could find 10bfs in the coming week if she wanted to. but shes goin back to her country, n shes already talkin bout coming back after two months, like she always comes back. why, why, why on this earth to come back to this abuse?!
    Its been a while since i posted this thread - every single day she was crying at least once. but they make up instantly, too. thats another thing i dont understand.
    oh boy, thats as fucked up as it can be
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    First of all, from everything you've said about your friend, it doesn't sound like he's a very nice person at all. Maybe to a guy friend such as yourself, but in general he sounds like a nasty piece of work. At the end of the day though, if she isn't willing to leave him and he isn't willing to change then there's nothing you can do except let them get on with it.

    As for why she stays with him - what country does she originally come from and how did they meet in the first place? A bit of a harsh perspective but could be she's looking to get married to gain permanent legal access to the country (again, totally harsh I know but just putting it out there in case it's a possibility).

    Anyway, there really isn't very much you can do regarding this situation. They both sound quite stubborn and set into their ways and if that's the way they want to live then it sounds as though you're best off leaving well alone.
  11. victor

    victor Account Closed

    nah, they're both from eu, so its not the case.. yep, theres nothing i can do, m just trying to understand. but yeh, i need to move out, thats 4 sure:D