Abusive women

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Aug 18, 2011.

  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I've been the victim of some of these women, people are actually quite sick and vindictive and like to make "revenge plots" these people are the scum of the earth if you ask me if you pray on someone's good intentions, in a relationship or social aspects of life. Especially if your ignorant to that persons past. Men like revenge too they may just get women do to a lot of their dirty work, using covert bullying attacks and other means to get harm their victim.

    Some people are sick enough they will resort to attacking someone when their drugged or drunk, toying with them breaking bones and doing it an a way where there's no "hard proof", yet theirs enough circumstantial evidence it's very obvious who did it.

    Some individuals are quite ignorant to the damage women can do, they prey on men who think "maybe I'm wrong" this gives them just enough time to get what they want out of their victims. Again this isn't an attack an all women as the woman states on that video clip, I know there are lot's of good ones but there are some specific ones who can cause tremendous amounts of harm and damage.



    For example my one so called "x" whom our "relationship" was merely predatory told me herself she most likely has BPD if you watch that video from 4:20 on you can see what these people can do to someone. Combine them very possibly being a sociopath, and other abusive bullying type tactics well it's a recipe for disaster. These kinds of people use self justification and/or use rationalization to clothe their evil acts. All kinds of defensive mechanisms to reduce their own anxiety from outright denial or ignorance to how their behavior effects others, to minimization, even preventing cognitive dissonance by misinterpreting, or refuting certain information sometimes even creating a comfortable illusion in order so they can carry on without any anxiety.

    On the youtube video the author Roy Sheppard comments...

    This is very much true dangerous women and even men receiving the most help. Some people are so convoluted in their minds the perceive the victim as the dangerous person person their can't be anything wrong with me so it has to be you. Similar to what is known as "enemy imagine" people perceive their enemy as selfish, aggressive, deceitful, stupid, even if their ingroup does nothing more then the other person and in some cases even much more, it's merely a form of projection.

    Vilifying the victim is a form of psychological manipulation.


    I don't even think you guys can begin to imagine what I've been through in my life or what my current situation is like, I can't go into specifics here but with my memory, knowledge and awareness there's no denying how cruel, unscrupulous, malicious, malevolent and vindictive some people are. I'm far from perfect I did some things when I was an adolescent I'm not proud of however I wasn't out to wreck anyone's life or cause very serious harm in a premeditated fashion.

    If only I went with my gut instinct, but that's how these people operate....
  2. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    Not just woman. Men are the exact same way. You just get unlucky and meet the wrong people.
  3. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Im confused, if this about men as well why does the title state abusive women? Abuse is abuse, its not gender specific
  4. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    A good part of it is bad luck yes or not the best choices on my part, but a lot of it is also what is know as social influence, people can easily be influenced by someone they like(refer to www.lucifereffect.com for more info) They are unable to separate the request from the requester. People want to belong to a group and it's much easier to just go along with everyone else manipulators recognize this and are able to influence others beliefs,views and actions to suit their own needs.

    The garden variety of sociopath is not easily distinguishable from others, these people wear a legion of friendly faces. They don't have empathy or care about you they plain and simply egoists, only concerned about themselves and those closest to them.

    Also sociopaths are the driving force behind any conspiracy(or a revenge plot) when you realize if individuals lacks empathy for someone and they have some self involved interest whether it be pleasure, money, or power there are TONS of people who are willing to take advantage of the situation at hand. Humans are fairly selfish by nature, just look at the movie cruel intentions and you'll see what some people are capable off. In this sense any revenge plot or quite small scale conspiracy can easily be viewed as "paranoid ravings of a lunatic fringe" because their viewed as unfounded, unproven and unsubstantiated by an ignorant individual. Like in science someone doesn't prove things they disprove things in order to get to the truth. Just because there is no "hard proof" doesn't in any way shape or form mean someones knowledge about a revenge plot means their out to lunch.

    I know, I'm not saying for a second here men can't be abusive however men being abusive is widely known, women are abusive in different ways as the video in youtube states. Men generally are more overt with their abuse, where as women tend to use more covert taking advantage of deceptive tactics. Obviously this isn't set in stone me can be very covert too, luring in a victim who thinks "maybe I'm wrong"...

    It's just like how girls/women bully in different ways then boys/men, not that the end result isn't much different because it's virtually the same for the victims.

    Yes abuse is abuse and not gender specific however some people are unaware of the torment and emotional terror that men can and do experience at the hands of some women. As the video states on the venus the dark side website there are tons of books on abusive men and them doing bad things. If theirs ever a conflict in some cases the many individuals will just deny any abuse which is much easier with emotional abuse and covert attacks, possibly even painting themselves out to be a victim(DARVO). Not to mention lot's of people always give the woman the benefit of the doubt because men are seen as the abusers of the two sexs. Being ignorant and assuming the man is the abuser while the women is the victim with little to no knowledge about the situation at hand. Dangerous women prey on people who are willing to give them any benefit of the doubt, nice people like to give others the benefit of the doubt...

    I wish more then anything I knew had year this book a few years ago or at least had been aware of the dangerous woman channel on youtube even more recently. It would have saved me a world of hurt, and helped out others too...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 18, 2011
  5. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Anyways, I want to comment I'm not trying to bash women, there are tons of great ones but I never ended up with them over the past few years... :(

    I know men can be very horrible themselves and are known to be more physically abusive with my post just I was feeling down and wanted to vent by expressing some information and my knowledge on things(intellectualization), making sense of things on an intellectual level is a defense mechanism. Emotional abuse can be just as bad if not worse in some cases.

    It was in fact men who lured me out and almost surely drugged me did that horrible stuff to me however all of the other abuse I had suffered compounded things.

    I strongly suspect I have PTSD.... I scored 17 on this online test and 10+ means you have many symptoms of PTSD..
  6. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    A lot of people confuse anti-socials with asocials.

    Asocials are shy people that do not connect well with others, but underneath their social dysfunction is a caring person.

    Anti-socials are a whole different breed. While they also are socially dysfunctional, it's in a much more covert and dangerous dysfunction that has far reaching social implications. The identifying trait for anti-socials are lack of empathy, primitive emotions, manipulations of others, aggressive behavior, rejection of right and wrong, criminal history, lack of guilt or shame, etc. Anti-socials are just as likely to be the talkative lawyer as they're the weird guy at work. Shyness is not the identifying trait for them.

    Anti-socials have a lot in common with Sociopaths and Psychopaths. The difference is that, generally, sociopathy and psychopathy are considered more severe forms of antisocial personality disorder. But socipathy and psychopathy are essentially the same thing even though there're technical differences between the two. It's just hard to place them depending on who you ask. Essentially, from a laymens point of view, they're the same thing.

    In the US population, 3% of men are supposed to be anti-socials, and 1% are women. There're about 1 million psychopaths in this population. But one figure says 12 million for sociopaths. I found these figures here:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 23, 2011
  7. Courtz

    Courtz Well-Known Member

    Not all women with PD are abusive :S And arent men more abusive than women?
  8. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Sociopaths are mainly characterized by a lack of empathy, deception, lack of feeling remorse, shame or guilt.

    Someone can have ASPD yet still be very empathetic and not deceptive. This would be one of the milder forms and not a true sociopath or psychopath.

    Some people also get the terms all confused they think sociopath = crazy except you must be sane to be a sociopath. They may even think a sociopath means someone is a serial killer.

    Many people also think psychotic=psychopath yet their two totally separate terms as worh a sociopath of your psychotic you can't be a psychopath.

    For some people it's very comforting to think I'm good(including my inner circle) and these other people are bad it's oversimplification theyre just people. Everyone has good and bad in them as well as evil and heroic impulses it's someone's situation which shapes them. Google Charles Manson and see the traumatic childhood he had his mom sold him to strangers on the weekend he got brutalized and sexually abused at his boarding school and many other horrible things. I'm not condoning or justifying his horrible deeds in any way shape or form however imagine if he had a loving caring family and was not abused or horrible traumatized however you want to put it what he could have been... He had a iq of 120-130 despite being illiterate.

    Labels and aggressive judgments make people feel better about themselves.

    People do not have stable identities they are remade as they go through life thus it is impossible to determine what someone "really is" and it is also arbitrary in nature. This is why ASPD requires someone to be 18+ as well as other personality disorders.

    Courtney I wouldn't go as far to say men are more abusive yes they are generally more physically absuvie however mental or emotional abuse can be just as bad if not worse and it is also harder to prove. As Ray Sheppard states in the video sociopaths are rarely violent but they can be very unscrupulous and ruthless with their victims.

    I also agree that not all people with personality disorders are abusive however some are more likely to be. Check out the Wikipedia page on psychological manipulation and people with those personality disorders are alot more likely to toy with others in that way. It's basically what Roy Sheppard says in another of his videos these people determine what their victims wants and figuratively speaking put on a mask to suit their victims needs but it's all just a part of the trap. Real relationships are built on the mutual sharing of honest feelings and respect the victims belief that this is present is why their psychological manipulation works.

    Another quote of his I like is "with laser like percision dangerois women can identitfy any weakness in a man being a nice person is a weakness it's something they can exploit."

    Guys can be vulnerable too it's not just women as many people believe.
  9. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I've coined a new term for this lady "a borderline personality-sociopath"

    There were other games she played on me which... People can be very vindictive from past stuff, like many years, which I strongly suspect our "relationship was about". Psychological abuse is more covert, I was truly mind fucked from this lady as well as other people.. Dangerous people work by you thinking "maybe I'm wrong" which gives them just enough time to get what they want out of you(their victim).

    She even had to go in the shower before the first time we had sex you know when someone has had sex with someone else they often shower before being intimate because you can kinda smell the sweat or musky smell on them.... I asked to go in with her but she said no....

    This borderline personality-sociopath who mind fucked me she told me let's go on a break but not see other people(she was asked to get married by an X), which frankly doesn't make any sense, if she was actually interested in me shouldn't even consider it at that point given all of the other abuse and strange things I determined she wasn't sincere but I still liked her(stupidly), I met up with this girl and we had sex after drinking at my place. Well I got back with the borderline personality-sociopath and more covert mind fucking ensued.

    I eventually took the girl I hooked up with a date to the movies.. I took her to my house and once we got in my car she was texting tons on her cell phone as I changed movie theaters which we were going to at the last minute due. Once we got into the movie theater it seemed odd I noticed this younger sorta familiar looking guys giggling a bit and texting on their phone. A slight back track but the borderline personality-sociopath I was quite certain had sex with some guys before we saw we met up at the movie theater she knew which theater we were going to which movie and which time well beforehand. She picked the seats and a few guys about my age came after and sat right behind us, she put her hand well behind the rear seat and slightly waved her hand almost a sign of acknowledgment.

    Well due to that abuse I was on the vigilant with this date with this other woman. Before we were about to go into the theater she went into the washroom and came out, I changed the plans that I wanted to get some food at the concession stand so we went in line, I was on the lookout, I had a green shirt that stood out. I noticed two guys about to go into the theater stop and sorta notice us in line, they stood there for 2 minutes or so, then they rounded the concession stand I looked right at her as they passed into her field of vision and I saw her crack a smirk. Not long after 2-4 minutes maybe these guys got in line a couple positions behind us in the same concession line this seemed quite odd to me so I took a good look at the guys then grabbed her hand and stormed off and got a return on the movie tickets. I then took her back to my place kinda in denial about the whole thing where things get even stranger. I went on my computer later that night and on her facebook it said recently added friends like within a couple days and what do you know the one guy I got a very good look at with a longer and bigger distinct chin and jaw with skater type clothes was a guy she had recently added on her Facebook...

    This is just the tip of the iceberg of the mind fucking I suffered, I was also lured out, drugged and assaulted which left me with broken bones. So there was physical abuse too...

    I went against my instinct from the get go there was evidence that she was lying to me. Even when I was for dinner one of the first few times we hung out to the BP-sociopaths house we were driving back to my place in separate cars and she was looking down at her phone at a stoplight almost surely texting a BF. She told me she didn't have any friends and was talking to another guy online when we first met in her emails she told him which place her friends were going to for a friends party yet she didn't tell me where they were going. There were so many other strange things with her it's kinda ridiculous I wasn't perfect myself however after too much stuff added up I did see other people but there was evidence she was seeing other men. Like one time she told me she was going to bed at 9PM in a text this struck me as odd so I drove to her house and her car wasn't where she parks out back nor was it out front I saw her pull in I waited a couple minutes and went to the door and she didn't answer, I saw what looked to be a male's jacket on her kitchen chair through the window, I proceeded to call her house a few times from my car then went to the door one more time and then I just left off. Her excuse oh I was in the shower!!!!! Bullshit!!!

    People are sick enough they do plot vile revenge plots kinda like conspiracies to mind fuck someone and physically abuse them.. This one woman I talked to tons on MSN but never wanted to hang out I'm quite certain was involved in it too after I was drugged and assaulted there was a reference to certain words that were written in this secluded place on this girls facebook page and an X friend of mine whom we had a falling out a few years prior.

    Oh yeah I suspected this lady was possibly even prostituting behind my back because she had a job where she had worked all over the city, she also asked some weird questions and you judge someone more by their questions then their answers...

    Even before I fell for the "BP-sociopath", I had shortly dated this girl, I even opened up to her about some stuff, until she went through my cell phone and I went through hers found her cell phone texts about her having sex for money behind my back, there were also other strange things with her like her going to bed early and other quite possible tricks on me mind fucking me. He having to go home when I was at the strip club and coming back and handing me money to put in my wallet, her picking me up with her guy friend etc... quite a few other strange things, too...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2011
  10. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    First let me say that I am sorry that you have ever know an abusive woman. I know others have said this but I will say it again. Not all women are abusive, don't give up on us.

    We all can certainly agree that abuse of any nature from anyone towards anyone regardless of gender, race, or sexuality is wrong.

    Some people, especially other women give abusive women a green light or a free pass on their abuse toward men. We see this in commercials, movies, and in the enforcement of laws. I have seen commercials many times that have a strong independent female character who treats her boyfriend/husband as if they are an incompetent imbecile. I have seen movies and commercials where a woman slaps a man or throws a drink in his face because she is angry at something that he did. I have watched the TV show COPS and seen domestic disputes where a woman gets by with slapping or hitting a man but when that man restrains the same woman so that she can't attack him he gets arrested.

    We all know all of these examples have gone both ways. Still there is a difference in the way the general public perceive these actions. For example when in a movie a husband cheats on his wife, the wife finds out about it and becomes justifiably angry. Often in this instance the woman will slap the husband in the face. How many times do we see that happen in a movie and walk away feeling that the movie was promoting violence against men? Seldom if ever do you walk away feeling that way. Now let's reverse the scenario. The woman cheats on the man, the man doesn't even punch her, he simply physically pushes her away from him, but pushes her with just enough force so that she trips and falls. All of a sudden the majority of viewers see it as domestic violence.

    There's a clear and obvious double standard in the advertisement, entertainment, and legal areas of life when it comes to the way violent actions from man to woman is viewed and treated compared to violent action from woman to man. I realize this isn't quit what the thread is about, but in my opinion I think the mentality behind both of them have similar driving forces.
  11. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Thank you Julia :hug: you make some good points. I know not all women are abusive there are lots of great ones out there. I have tried since to make something work. It's so much harder to find a good one then it should be it just seems everytime I get my hopes up and try I get used, mind fucked and let down. Even in the past year I'd had a rough go at things. Lot's of people in my city dislike or hate me so I think a large part of it is social influence people want to fit in with their group, and they have their own self involved interests. So yeah I should have made some better choices myself and I also can't seem to catch a break :/

    I feel that women generally get the benefit of the doubt, like if you've seen the show maury if the male says his GF is cheating on him or whatever he's automatically the bad guy for not trusting his GF or wife, regardless if he has mounds of circumstantial giving him good reason to suspect she's playing him for a fool. Some people on that show use "trust issues" or "you're just paranoid" as a defense where there it's lot of evidence pointing towards that someone. It's kinda like a form of DARVO, Deny and attack thus reversing the victim order, it includes attacks on the real victims credibility sometimes with threats of police or others being involved it further terrorizes the victim and puts them on the defensive.

    This borderline personality-sociopath did this to me after I confronted her about some of the stuff at the start of last year, after I was left mind fucked and in a cast, and she even abandoned me because for some strange reasons unknown to man I still liked her despite all of the lies and abuse. :( That's how it is with sociopaths or victims of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation you can sometimes be in denial about it(a defense mechanism) but once they abandon you and you're left totally mind fucked it's pretty clear what happened. So yeah only after the damage has truly been done to you realize what happened. Since her I've been the victim of this another time. Sociopaths wear a legion of friendly faces, the reality is people are just selfish so you can't trust anyone because it makes you vulnerable and prone to being hurt, abused and lied to. People are only looking out for their own interests and if they lack empathy for you(sociopath) they will not hesitate to resorting to unscrupulous or possibly even violent ends.

    Men can be fragile and vulnerable too, this lady I refer to as a borderline personality-sociopath actually made a reference about my body part that was lady broken on our first date(about 6 months prior) by these people who hated me when I was toyed with when drugged, given all of the other evidence I gathered I find it is extremely likely that it was a plot all along to abuse and mind fuck me. It's not just some random connection I'm making, I have good reasons for my hypothesis...

    I think in large part the double standard stems from the fact that men are viewed as more domineering physically and they are supposed to be "stronger" and not let emotional abuse effect them. Many people feel that men should just suck things up and get over it or whatever.

    Like you said a slap towards a man in some cases is seen as fine if he did something wrong like cheated or was being rude to a woman, most of the time slaps don't really hurt but it does send a message and it is physical. Generally there is a fairly big difference in degree of pain between a slap and a punch, so I understand some of the difference. The point you make about a guy pushing a woman if she cheated on him and if she trips or falls it's automatically domestic abuse, is a good one

    I don't think resorting to violence really solves much it's sad in our society from a young age we'ere bombarded with information from TV shows and movies, even video games that if you have a "problem" it can be solved by resorting to violent or cruel means.

    Violence only leads to more violence, just like hate breeds more hate.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 31, 2011
  12. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Well, clinical definitions make some distinctions, but broadly, anti-social personality disorder is a less severe form of sociopathy or psychopathy. Keep in mind that I'm an outsider looking in on this and I see many different opinions and definitions (even).

    Have a look here:
    If you look here, though, you see that there's a checklist:

    When you scan the checklist, ASPD needs atleast 3:
    * Lack of conforming to laws, as evidenced by repeatedly committing crimes
    * A lack of feeling guilty about wrong-doing
    * Repeated deceitfulness in relationships with others, such as lying, using false names, or conning others for profit or pleasure
    * Disregard for personal safety or the safety of others
    * Tendency to irritability, anger, and aggression, as shown by repeatedly assaulting others or getting into frequent physical fights
    * Failure to think or plan ahead (impulsivity)
    * Persistent lack of taking responsibility, such as failing to establish a pattern of good work habits or keeping financial obligations

    (i bolded the parts i'm going to address)

    Going over that list I find a consistent pattern. Essentially, the pattern is to ignore the feelings and needs of others in favor of yourself. The only 2 that stand out to me and don't fit this pattern as well are: 1) Failure to plan ahead 2) Persistent lack of responsibility. But (1) gives me a clue that the person probably does not have a family or if they do the family is not doing well. That tells me that they are very self-centered in some way. (2) says the same thing to me. But to be classified as having ASPD you need 3. And that means you need one of the others which to me clearly identifies this person as being negligent towards the feelings and needs of others.

    If you go here:
    That confirms what I said in my first post that sociopathy/psychopathy are more severe forms of ASPD.

    I've read several sites and you have to understand I'm confused. But anyway, I just wanted to clarify that shy people are no anti-socials, they're more likely something else since shyness is not the identifying trait for ASPD.

    Look here:

    I think that fits shy people I've known a lot better.

    However, I've known people who cheat (using a million excuses) and I think they fit ASPD better. They could be shy too, though, but for different reasons. Shyness is not even included in ASPD when making diagnosis.

    The reason I come here to talk about this so much is because I USED to think anti-social personality disorder was shyness! I didn't know about all of this because I hadn't researched it until maybe a few weeks ago.

    This says it well:
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2011
  13. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Another example of this lady this girl I was talking on the phone with I mentioned me seeing this lady and she said "you're still seeing that psychopath".

    Here a couple examples to illustrating how dangerous this lady really is, and this is really nothing. It's hard to fathom the psychic abuse she put me through.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2011