Academic Stress and Fear of Failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by randomguy9, Aug 31, 2010.

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  1. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Well it is back to college life... back to the old grind. I am sorry that i am taking up space on a forum that is filled by people who are dealing with so much worse crap then I am... but I need to get advice before this becomes a trigger to me.

    I am back in school... the only thing that keeps me going regularly is the fact that I have found ways to do well the last 2 semesters. Unfortunately, I am not in classes with more difficult professors, more reading, which sucks for me because i seem to have a learning disability where I don't remember what I read as well as most where I am ok with lectures, and don't have the 2nd chances other professors have given (such as report revisions). The lack of a study guide is going to make things dang near impossible for a less then smart person like myself.

    Like I said the only thing that keeps me going when despite being in college for 3 years I have no career planned, stuck in a job that is beyond dead end, no close friends, no anything to look forward to was my recent success in school. Gave me some confidence that things will get better and I will figure something out... It is week 2 and I already wonder if I can get acceptable grades in any of my classes... which really sucks because it is not a heavy semester (lots of work so I could not sign up for a full load and expect to keep my job). I am already on edge... trying to read, trying to study but I just cant memorize this and I am struggling even with lectures which used to be a strong suit of mine. No study guide so i have no clue what the heck i even need to study... I don't know how to cope... I have said many times I would rather die then fail again, and I may be looking at failure pretty soon.

    I just don't know what to do... all of my aquaentices know where they are going in life and i am watching people who graduated early be closer to a career path then me despite my 3 year head start. I am watching other succeed when working 2X the hours I am, going on dates and enjoying life while I cant do any of that.

    I need this... I need some success in my life of irrelevancy... If i fail again I will never be able to pull myself back to this... or anything else.
  2. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I wish I knew what to say and how to advise you here, but I'm afraid I don't know where to start. But I do want to say that I totally understand your fears and worries here. In a few weeks I will start my second year at university as well as holding down two jobs and caring for my grandmother and I'm terrified. I cannot fail, it's just not an option for me. My grades dropped a lot in my second semester in first year because my poor mental health got in the way, and I cannot let that happen this year.

    Even more scary, they've removed our 24 hour leeway so if I'm late handing in work my grades get capped at a D, and now mitigating circumstances only apply when work is more than two weeks late. This is unfair as if I am unable to complete my work on time because of my mental health issues, it'll only be a few days late, not two weeks. So basically I'll just fail that assessment.

    Anyway, I'm sorry, that turned into a venting on my behalf, and I didn't mean it to, but I hope it helps you feel that you're not alone with these worries. And you shouldn't apologise for 'taking up space here'. Although you feel that your problems are not as important as someone else's, these things are all relative, and to you they are important. No-one can dismiss them as unimportant.

    Does your college have a counselling service? If so, it might be worth talking to them. They are good at dealing with these issues and it will help to talk to someone who understands. They may also be able to get you mitigating circumstances if you're struggling. Also, you can PM me when you need to talk or vent or whatever. I'm not online every day, but I will reply and at least I know what you're going through.

  3. Shi

    Shi Active Member

    Hey, I know how you are feeling. I am on my year abroad in the USA and its the second week. I also have a learning disability and I have a hard time to remember things. The fact that I am suffering of suicidal feelings and depression doesn't really help =(.

    I really dont know if I should return home, but then it wasn't really any better. I am always depressed, but at least I wasn't as lonely as it is here. So many people have made it, I really want to stay, but I don't know if that's a good idea. Ok I still have to get to know people, but that is always giving me a hard time. :unsure:

    I am going to the counselling service which does help a bit, but they have to refer me to a psychologist. They have given me numbers in case of an "emergency"...but I cannot spend every night in an emergency room or talking to nurses, because of my condition.

    I also need to succeed this time. Its my third time. The other two....well my psychological condition was even worse so I had to stop. I don't have any dreams left, nothing I am looking forward to. Its hard to get any good grades under these conditions
  4. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Give it some time, it's still really early in the semester. I don't really know what to tell you about your job or any of that but as far as being worried about where you're going, I think a lot of people are in a similar boat. People might have a general idea of where they want to be but honestly you're going to end up going with the best opportunities you find when you graduate anyway even if it wasn't necessarily what you had in mind. If you don't have any preference right now then that's okay. I'd say just study hard and try to relax some, the semester is just starting, it's too early to be worried about the end of it.
  5. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    No apologies necessary. It is nice to hear from people who are going through it as well.
    yes it does but it is pretty useless. I talked to the counselor once, but it did not help. She advised some professional help which is not doable. The fact I got it in the past has caused me to be unable to afford any sort of health insurance. I need to tough it out until that "expires". Already have one pre existing condition and the mental treatment shoves the price out of affordability.

    Most people have if figured out by the age of 21, or at least most of the ones I know. Even so... few people hate there job and need there independence as much as I do. As far as early in the semester... i know.. but well its hard for that to help since i am already upset when I usually don't feel this down until mid terms.
  6. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Gah one of my classes is just miserable and another just scary... I am not sure how to keep going and i am only 3 weeks in. I am barely pulling a C in one of them... that is not acceptable. If I can not pull out As... I probably will be triggered beyond retrieval.
  7. ariel2013

    ariel2013 Member

    Omg I feel the same way as you!! I feel like my previous good grades is all I have going on for me. I can't even find a job in my field to intern in and I am worried that it will look bad and I won't be able to get a residency or the job I want when I get out of college. If i don't make an A in every class I will die..... I have to memorize so much and usually I am good at that but this is too much. I can't relate to any of the words or find similarities and ughh its just so hard..

    Anyways what are you studing? You said that its hard for you to read but you do good in lectures.. Did you know that on youtube you can search for any topic and you can find a few good lectures on that. Maybe you can try and search what you need to learn. Or maybe you can record the lectures and re listen to them.... I hope it helps.. You are not alone in your feelings!!!
  8. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Problem is that she pulls tests out of her lecture material... youtube is not going to do much good. You are not allowed to record unless you have a disability.

    As far as what I am studying... that pisses me off more because I do not know. doing general ed, but I have no idea where I am going in life... I will go to the career center, as soon as i am willing to find out that there resources will fail me and I am truly without hope... Took a class that was supposed to help me figure that out and it was the most useless fucking thing ever.

    sorry for the loads of profanities.. I am really ticked off right now.

    I am not sure how much longer I can stand this... I vowed to myself that I would never fail again, and it looks like I can not keep that... feels like I am just fighting an unwinable war and should just go commit now instead of later.
  9. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    I can so understand your worries and fears here. It's frustrating that I cannot think of what I can say that'll help, but I will tell you that grades in college/uni nearly always improve dramatically over the first semester while students get the hang of things. A friend of mine failed her first assignment, but ended the year with Bs, so don't lose all hope.

  10. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I am a softmore credit wise... been in college part time for 2 and a half years and i still feel this way.

    Wow i am scared... test in one class that will be worth 10% of my grade and have some huge assignments to do as well... I have no idea how I am going to get any acceptable grade in these classes.
  11. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    Well... do not think I did not well in yesterday's exam... it is curved so we will see.

    I know for a fact I got a D or F on todays quiz. That can be dropped if it is my lowest grade so I still have a shot... but I need to do better... those suicdal thoughts are becoming stronger and stronger with every failure.
  12. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member


    When I have a big test, I fall into it, studying. I obsess.

    Productive depression? You be the judge.
  13. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I did do that... and I am still not sure how I did.

    Got another 2 quizzes tomarrow and I should get my test grade back... this is fucking scary... if it is not a good one I am not sure how I will finish the semester.
  14. Socialman

    Socialman Well-Known Member

    OMG! This happened to me. I studied everyday for the big Calculus exam. What happened? I flunked. I aced all my homework, but flunked the exams. It was so depressing. I feel so stupid. I just spent ten hours writing three and a half pages, and placing 10 simple pictures for an introductory public speaking class. :'(
  15. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Academics are the bane of my existence. What's up with this sad pretense of "learning" and "growing" that these administrators keep spouting about? This system, this incarceration for the crime of birth has driven me mad. I despise everything about it, my peers, the tests, the repetitious call for intellectual murder. I'd kill myself just to cut short these years of indoctrination and scrutiny of my worth.
  16. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I graduated physics at because my father didn't want me to change my major.

    My advice is to decide on a job soon. Ask your advisor for job opportunities for graduates. Having been through the college. In retro the courses were not as hard as I made them. Preparation is key. Your mind has to have time to absorb the material. So rather than do a study crash once a week. Look at the material everyday even if its for a small period. Take frequent short breaks so you don't burn out. You will need to be able to put in hours a day of study. What I realize now about good students are that they have good study habits above all. Talent is not as important as study habits.

    If you need to drop a class. Take your time and take less classes. You will graduate soon if you just stay in college.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  17. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro


    Another test with an unaceptable grade... and took a quiz which i screwed up. Why the hell cant I do anythin right? Why am I such a screw up? What reason is there for me to fight on? I don't know how the fuck to fight on...

    I cant deal with failign again.
  18. Arch

    Arch Member

    You mentioned you had some trouble keeping up with what you've read. Maybe if you explain this to your professor in private, he/she will allow you to record the lessons to use as review, provided you will still do your reading along side the recorded lessons. It wouldn't hurt to ask.

    Keep us updated!
  19. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    I talked to her... got her to look over my study guide... but nothing she said helped. To much book only stuff that is on the exams.
  20. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I majored in physics. Although, I was the only A in a few of my classes and I had talent. I will confess that the students who went to graduate school were not talented and did not score top of their classes. They had good study habits. That is what makes a good researcher. I took a very long time to graduate because I flunked alot of classes and kept changing my major and my father forced me to goto college. Your transcript needs to show persistence and consistency. As long as it showes that your trying. Actually, according to a book written by a physics graduate, employers seldom look at the GPA or transcript. Maybe so, maybe not. I read that employers prefer graduates because it demonstrates that one can stick to a goal and follow through.

    I think one of the difficulties in college is knowing ones own likes, dislikes and wants. Students change their major on average 4 times. Figure out who you are and what you want, so that you have the right degree.

    The guy who said to talk to your teacher may be a really good idea. After you graduate you may need the recommendations of a couple professors.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 23, 2010
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