Accept being a failure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shedhaddock, Apr 29, 2012.

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  1. shedhaddock

    shedhaddock Banned Member

    Hi guys,
    Its only me again. Ive been out for one day and i already wish my life hadnt been saved. I failed my 12th attempt, and i would like to say im not thinking of the 13th, but i cant. The people closest to me in real life have the ability to make me feel worse than life, and the argument is that they are allowed to upset me, but im not allowed to upset them. Its because i couldnt say how much i was hurting in the first place that got me into SH, and they want me to repeat it all over again and i dont want to go through that hell. Its bad enough that my demons from my last attempt are still haunting me. I know some people here dont understand me, but i am dirty. I have no family. They are abusing rapist scum, both my parents were. My brothers and sisters silence was brought because they cant accept the truth of what our family was like. One of my sisters said she believed me, but has never spoken out about it or helped me in any way.
    I miss my home so much, its the only place i belong with scum like them. There is no place in the world for people like me, and it is so hard to ask for help, so when i finally have the strength to do it, it doesnt come. I understand that people will feel something similar to me, but they will never feel the same hurt i do, or think the things i do, or be a failure like i am.
    My bad place still has me and im struggling like anything to get out of this hell.

    Lost x
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    O honey, Charlie - so sorry to read this....... an abusive home life with abusing parents is NOT the only place you belong, hun...... if they are abusing you that much, you must try and tell the authorities that are in place to protect you. There are other places for you Charlie, and you need help and support. Why doesn't the help come when you ask for it; who is it that you're asking for it not to be there for you?

    I know what it's like to be held by a 'bad place' - the main thing is, to keep on with the struggle against what you know is not right - and get the proper help that you need, that HAS to be there for you, if the Social Services are anywhere near doing their job properly.

    Lots of blessings and strength and hugs sent your way :)
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