accident

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by SarahB, Nov 25, 2010.

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  1. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    that night one of my best friends betrayed me and ruined my life, I had tried to overdose to go to bed, since I'm never really good with sleeping, especially under stress. (here's the link if it works = http://www.suicideforum.com/showpost.php?p=1002859&postcount=1 )

    I ended up knocking out and I don't remember anything but waking up, and throwing up a lot.. more like dry heaving, but it turns out I was dry heaving stomach acid into my throat. I had called my mom to come down stairs, saying I was sick, though I ended up telling her I overdosed (big mistake)
    my parents took me to the hospital where I was hooked up to a bunch of things, catheter, oxygen, IV.. the works really, though they didn't pump my stomach since it had been hours since I took the pills, I was just really tired

    I wasn't really scared and honestly kinda liked the experience.. I stayed there for 2 days, I just slept a lot really. but then when I had to go home, my mom told me I had to make a bunch of changes.. and those changes involved losing the man I loved, whom was also my best friend.. he already had dropped contact with me from that incident.. and I can't deal with that.. right now as I write this.. it's almost 4AM, I haven't been able to sleep and my chest hurts.. tossing and turning all night.. sick... I don't know what to do. I can't stand this all T_T
     
  2. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hey sarah,
    dry heaving is the worst eh?
    friends who needs em?why dya feel sick sarah?
     
  3. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    yeah.. its pretty bad.. its like wanting to just get sick to just get rid of the feeling

    I usually like to be by myself sometimes.. but without him I just feel alone.. like there's no one else like him.. because I know there's not

    I'm sick because I'm stressed, anxious and paranoid.. that I won't ever talk to him like normal again, and everytime I think of our past or what I'll never have again I just feel worse
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    ah loneliness yes i know theres nothing worse than being awake and thinking about things early in the morning
    what made him special to you? how long were you together?
    have you spoke with him atall since the incident?
     
  5. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    he was funny and sweet.. he'd do anything to make me happy, and even if people said he was bad, I know he was good and did care about me. people were saying I was just a thorn in his side.. but I don't want to believe that

    we had things in common down to the last detail, I felt like he was my other half.. he was able to talk to me and make me feel like no one else could make me feel.. we were together technically for 3 years

    no.. I haven't been able to speak with him.. it was all left on that fight.. pretty much with him telling me fuck you and it felt like he hate me... and then after I got out of the hospital 2 days after my mom said no more talking to him, and he has me block or is ignoring me everywhere, even phone I think.. my mom said if he contacted me she'd call the police
     
  6. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    why do other people try to rule our lives?let us make our own mistakes IF theyre mistakes right
    have you told your mum about how your feeling she may have your best interests at heart but tell her your a grown up and need to make your mistakes to learn
    as for him,just make a distant contact if you can ,write a letter marking it please please read.
    detailing everything thats going on with you and your life and how it was all an accident and you never meant to hurt anyone
     
  7. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    I never did anything wrong.. it was him and my friend that told... people keep making me out to be this horrible person when I'm not that bad, I just try to make people happy, and sometimes I make mistakes, but I'm rarely selfish, yet I get this terrible note from his current 'girlfriend' saying I was a thorn in his side and shit

    I think she understands.. but doesnt care, and goes on with it anyway saying its the best for me. when in truth I lied to get out of the hospital
    I tried talking to my parents, but apparently my mom has already contacted the police. I think he's too afraid to talk to me because of her threat.. if not still pissed off at me for the incident before.. I said I was sorry.. crying to him, but he didnt respond so I dont know if he accepted it.. so he sounds still mad

    but maybe I might try writing.. and seeing if I can send somehow.. I just cant stop crying or anything to focus.. I just want to go to bed but cant
     
  8. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yeah i can see why he may be afraid to contact you,you cant be a horrible person if your trying to sort things out so take no notice of them easier said than done i know?
    as for the note from his current gf shes obviously just getting the one side so she doesnt know the full story i wouldnt worry too much about that
    but you should calm down and try to get some sleep,take some deep breaths put some quiet music on and just drift away if you can.
     
  9. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    he was the one cheating on her for me.. I had just told my 'friend' that he was... then she went against my word and told her.. it wasnt me doing anything, I think..? but a lot of people were saying he was talking really badly about me.. T_T

    I dont know who to listen to anymore, I dont want to believe that he'd say those mean things about me after all we've been through, and that he misses me and will remember me.. I was always afraid of if I ever had to say goodbye to him, he wouldnt remember me, or I wouldnt have been a good part of his life.. I wasnt expecting it to be so soon.. I wish it wasnt like this

    I've tried sleeping.. but I just cant, too much pain in my chest and too sick..
     
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    the guy sounds like a player sorry but if he was telling you what you wanted to hear he was probably telling his gf what she wants to hear too,i know its harsh but your obviously better than that you have feelings
    you can move on and find someone who only wants to be with you
    if he was cheating on her with you,hell do the same to you with someone else dya think you could trust him if you got together?
     
  11. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    that's what I don't know.. he did care, I know he did, its hard to fake things that he did, especially when it risked a lot for him

    I know, that his current girlfriend was jealous of me and him when we were together, and called him a pedophile.. and he got mad at her.. only until he broke up with me did she say sorry.. then recently he's with her now.. and cheats on her, yet she forgives him. I wish I didnt have feelings so I didnt have to feel all of this, I miss him too much.. his hugs, his voice, his personality, the things that made him quirky, everything. there's no one else like him, and even if people say he's bad, I cant help but miss him. I really wish I could talk to him again, or at least say one last thing..

    we were together, and I know he wouldnt do that, because I know why he cheated, because I have so much in common with him.. that no one else does
     
  12. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i can see you really fell in love with this guy and thats hard to get over but maybe you should have some distance just to get your feelings back in your control the trouble is hes never going to settle.his current gf may be able to live with his cheating but could you?
    he tells you why he cheated maybe his telling her something else so she believes him too.
     
  13. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    its hard to get over someone you were with for 3 years, and whom was your best friend and loved dearly for that long and longer too... to end it all on a fight and then no chance to say sorry or anything really hurts. I feel really alone even if I'm surrounded by people. because I know that happiness from my life is gone. even if he did hurt me and cause me a lot of grief, he still made me happy. I've tried distance and not talking but it hasnt helped. I still love him

    she tells me to reality check but she's the one with the guy who'll cheat on her again.. part of me wonders if why he wasnt talking to me wasnt just because he was mad, but knew he had no willpower and would be unfaithful again, but that's not fair.. we were best friends

    he probably is.. he was telling her on that day that I was forcing him to do it.. that's a lie, since I know he enjoyed it and started it
     
  14. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    its very hard to get over someone anyone,especially a best friendbut you will be a better person for doing so will you get hurt again sure but thats love you just got to find someone who is a partner person.
    so you see your the better person you can see hes lying to her about you in a coupla years youll think thank god i moved on and im happy in my relationship
    whereas those too will still have no trust or faithfulness in their lives.
     
  15. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    its not just wanting to be with him as a partner again.. but just as a friend. it's hard losing a friend so close like him just like that.. it feels like I lost a part of me. I want to talk to him so bad, but I dont know if he's blocked my number if I should text him. I cant stop crying. its 6AM now, and I havent slept in a day.

    he lied at first but then apparently he was honest.. right now I'm so depressed I just really dont care, I dont even want a future or anything, I dont feel like I can pull through this, especially since I tried before and am not afraid
     
  16. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yeah i know losing friends sux
    maybe if you do connect again you must not become a secret hes hiding from his gf but just friends
    hurting yourself for someone else is not the answer it wont prove anything to anyone
    you should get some sleep and become a better stronger person for what youve learnt from this
     
  17. SarahB

    SarahB Well-Known Member

    I always lose my close friends at some point.. this time just seems a lot more harder because of how close and intimate him and I were.. I dont think I was ever a secret he was hiding.. besides when we spent time alone.. the last day we had together was going to be one of those days until it was ruined T_T
    I was always the type to put others before myself, and the one time I tried to do things for me it blows up in my face, its like another sign I dont deserve to be happy

    its too hard to sleep.. but thank you for talking with me
     
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