Accidental suicide attempt last two weeks ago

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sylvester, Mar 13, 2008.

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  1. Sylvester

    Sylvester Member

    I tried Wellbutrin, an antidepressant, but it made me manic. I started taking pills. I got drunk in the ER of NYU Hospital, as a psychiatric overdose patient - they did not even notice. I had no charcoal, no stomach pumping. I took a lot of stuff. But I lived. I do not know at what point I shifted from just wanting to turn the Wellbutrin off to wanting to complete a suicide.
    I told my MD today that it was just an accident, but I think I really wanted to euthanise myself.
    ON the psych ward of NYU Hospital, I was treated well by certain nurses. Especially after I contracted parasites. I have AIDS, and my CD4 count is 192 or so. I need a clean, hygienic atmosphere.
    When I got sick, I was left unattended, and with no Medical treatment. I was taken off all psych meds, so I was washed out from Friday to Wednesday, when I got very sick.

    I had so much diarrhea that I stopped taking anything by mouth. It was embarrassing in a shared room, in a one-hall locked ward. Every single one of the 22 patients, all staff, janitorial and otherwise, and some construction workers who made an awful noise every day 8-5 found out that I was the guy with AIDS. Everyone had a nice look in my room to watch me dehydrate.

    I did not sleep from Wednesday to Friday - well, I got about 1-2 hours on Friday from about 4am-6am, when I drank a little water: then my stomach woke me up. I did not eat. I drank only that small amount of water early on Friday in the wee-hours.

    They took their sweet time discharging me. I think some of them thought I was making a scene to get attention. I had to find my way home alone on the streets of Manhattan, with a gut that was touch and go, fainting spells and a racing heartbeat.
    But I did it, I faked being well enough because I did not want to die on that stupid ward. They had nothing for anyone to do - everything on the cheap. 2 psychiatrists for 22 patients - the rest, residents or medical students.

    I needed to tell people, and especially people with serious medical conditions. This is an unsafe place to go. I got seriously ill, and had to treat myself with Xifaxin, an antibiotic I had at home.
    I made it home - frightened and very emaciated. I was hallucinating for days. I covered my bed with my shower curtain so I could sleep (I feared soiling myself).

    NYU had already taken away all my dignity. Why would I want to live?
    That was no encouragement. Some nurses, especially in the medical ward, where I began were very kind.

    I loved them.

    But that does not make up for the hell-hole of a psych ward where I really thought I might have at least kidney failure from not drinking.

    I wanted to go to Bellevue, the next hospital down from NYU. I have been there in 2001, and it is a lot better: even though they share residents.

    I hope everyone is in a safe place.
    -sylvester, Times Square
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    sylvester! i wondered where you were... i'm so glad you survived, but what happened to the keep safe plan? i'm sorry you were treated so poorly by the very people who are supposed to care for you. you're in my thoughts,
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