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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    I was accused of something i did not do and this time i have proff i was no where near the interbnnet nor my computer but was out in nature trying to enjoy myself and yet again i am accused of lying once again and once more..

    it has brought all those old feelings up again and i cant stop them.. i cant stop crying tonight. why did i even go back there to that other web-site in the first place? I wanted to chat and start over with people i thought were my friends.. they welcomed me back but the Admin said i lied, said i posted as my brother, said i even posted somewhere else right after that but i didnt do it.. i was no where near my computer or any internet access to even post yet i am accused of it and it hurts.. It cuts like a knife to my heart- those words " dont come here asking for forgiveness " Trying to make them feel guilty, i was not trying to make anyone feel guilty, those words are playing in my mind over and over again.

    Calling me a liar.. i dont do that anymore, that is my past yet it will never stay there.. it is gonna follow me around for the rest of my life.. How can one forget it and put it behind them?? When they are constantly reminded of it..

    banned.. i probably will be banned from there cause i stood up for myself and let that admin know that they were wrong and to stop calling me a liar.. I wasnt at my computer and i was at camping and i did enjoy it while i was there.. this i have proff of but what does it matter , they are going to believe what they believe..

    God i am hurting right now and i feel so alone.. the tears wont stop tonight and i have tried to stop them.. i want to do it.. i really want to do myself in.. someone please help me tonight, please???

    why did i have to go back there and get hurt... yes the members welcomed me back but if the Admin hates me then i am not welcome at all.. the Admin thinks i lied, thinks i posted of my brother and i didnt.. thinks i am a liar and is judging me by it...God it hurts.. i want no more pain.. i want peace.. peace from everyone... Is that just too much to ask for? is it???

    the hurtings not gonna go away.. it just is not gonna go away unless i go away with it.... God Peter was right , i am a yo-yo a stupid yo-yo..

    i also know others from that sight have come here, i know they have, i also know they registered just to hurt me... the only reason they are here is to hurt me, to pm others all about my past, to tell others i am so bad a person,etc.. they dont know this pain , they are not suicidal themselves but yet register just to hurt me...

    i cant allow the hurt to continue.. i have to stop it my way... God cant their be another way? Cant i make peace with everyone and start over with all? Why does people have to inflict this much pain upon me? why the heck do i even let them hurt me? You know i was not at my computer, God you know this , so why cant others see that? I have proff this time that i was not here yet it doesnt matter to them, it doesnt matter.

    i cant take it anymore.. it is quick and easy, so quick and easy, anna done it why cant i.. Give me the strength to do it... i can get one , God its the only way.. it is the only way, my past will only be buried if i go with it....
  2. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    Think of the worst that has ever happened to you in the past... you thought it would be the end of the world right? Do you see it that way now that its over and done with? This is a huge problem too, but i promise you its temporary just alike. and it will be over and you will learn and grow from it. what did you think life is about. i can see your quote says we are born to suffer. well all this is temporary. you think you can't face it but you can. Give this problem to your maker and he will handle it for you. trust me.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    :hug: Susan. I know you are trying to make amends, but some people have hard hearts. Don't let them hurt you anymore. Let your friends here support you and try to stay strong. No-one who truly knows your heart will ever believe anything bad about you sweetie. You are a lovely person and you deserve a fresh start.
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i posted that thread back in september.. geesh its been a long time... and i am still here dang it..

    dont know rather to celebrate or cry...
  5. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Every day you're still around Susan is a good day for me :hug:
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    awwww thanks :hug:
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    No, thank YOU for being a great friend and a lovely person :hug:
  8. aqaq22

    aqaq22 Well-Known Member



    if you say so

    Spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ?

    ok, I'll try that again
  9. Random

    Random Well-Known Member

    White Dove - I'm not trying to be mean at all. I swear it. But for your own peace of mind, you really should stop taking every little thing that someone says to you so seriously. Especially online. People are silly. And they're even more silly online. What people think or say can't hurt you in any way if you don't let it. You have too much going on in your life to be worrying about things strangers are saying online.

    I completely understand that you may be feeling like you need some friends. But when it comes to people online, it's really best not to invest too much emotional capital in online relationships. Most people don't take what they do and say on the web very seriously.

    And then, there are some people who tale things far more seriously than they should. There's a middle ground somewhere.
  10. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    truly well spoken.. thanks ..

    and you are right. i really dont have anyone and really dont have any friends at all.. none on the outside and none online.

    you know i go to 2 churches.. they are both church of christ, one starts 1 hour earlier then the other one does, so i go to the first one then when they get out i go to the next one. i get 2 hours on wednesday night and 4 hours on sunday.. and you know what? when my home burnt and i told both the ministers it was like no compassion on their parts.. i mean i am not asking for any really, it just hurts that i put so much money into that home, last all my things that cant be replaced and yet they just dont care.. i wonder what would Jesus have done? i think about that a lot.. i think Jesus would have walked up to me and gave me a big hug and kindly said to me everything will be okay.. but they did nothing like that. i mean are we not ( those of us who are christians ) suppose to do like and be like Jesus in every way???? i mean there is no love in churches these days, none whatsoever...

    i give money to both the churches also.. but its like i am not even wanted there.. i dont get any hugs , and i dont go there just for the people either. i go there to study Gods word, but we are suppose to have fellowship one with another, assemble together, but i feel like an outsider every time i go.. so much so that i have quit going all together.. i still get 4 hours of study on sunday and now 3 hours on wednesday night, by online lessons.. i dont really need the people but i need God.. yes i understand i am forsaking ther assembly but why go when i am not wanted nor missed when i am not there..???

    they dont care for me.. they never did.. they never have and i was stupid to believe in them.. i really was stupid.. but i am going away soon.. i am giving them what they want and i am taking away their power of hurting me.. i cant fit in anywhere i go to.. but i can end it and give them what they want.

    you know when i first attempted my life and was rescued i thought well maybe things will get better but to be honest with you and everyone else. to attempt suicide and not die is much worser then to attempt it and die.. so my next attempt will not fail in any way cause i am not going to be subjected to the pain i have and feel right now ever again.. my mistake was not dying.. that was my mistake and to be honest with you.. i think thats why those who attempt do an attempt several times more.. it is because others force them into it by causing more pain and by making them feel guilty and all and if they were christians before their attempt then they disown them and abandon them.. so its best to attempt and die cause if you dont die its like you have done the worst possiable sin and you cant be forgiven of it no matter how much you try.. i have tried it many times, tried to fit in, even tried to make peace but it is of no good.. they will never accept me ever again, so its best i go this time
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