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Ace in the hole!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Danialla, Apr 9, 2015.

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  1. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling relieved. I have come to the decision that I am going to enjoy the fact that ECT has helped my constant suicidal ideation and will continue to have it. I will enjoy my job while I still have it. I will not worry that my boss will fire me for having depression or utilizing our company insurance for said depression...even though he said he would let people go for those two things. Anyway when worse comes to worse and I lose my job, my ace in the hole is suicide. I will no longer agonize over the decision I will do it, knowing that this will be the best outcome for everyone in the long run. I guess it seems a bit bittersweet but i have thought and thought and this seems the best solution. So I am relived to enjoy the time I have left.
     
    Danialla, Apr 9, 2015
    #1
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Danialla, suicide is not the road to go down. ECT IS helping you you say, but it cannot be helping you as much as you think if you're still having very strong suicidal thoughts. You seem like a smart person and I think you know it's not the way to go it is the depression telling you that. I am always willing to listen if you want to talk. Are you on medication too? How many sessions of ECT have you had? Are you willing to give life another chance? I think you deserve to let yourself at least do that after all you have been through.
     
    Petal, Apr 9, 2015
    #2
  3. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Oh the ECT has helped a lot! I don't think of suicide all the time, which I did. I do take medication and talk therapy but I realize that I have choice but suicide in the end. I also know that it would be the right time because people would understand what the catalyst would be.....no job, no health ins. My family knows how much I worry about that. The fact that I want to enjoy the time I have left is a huge step. Without ECT I would be pondering suicide ALL the time. Now I have made a decision and it has made be happy. Maybe I won't be as happy if it finally comes to that, but I have looked at all the options and this is the one I am most comfortable with.

    Thanks petal for thinking of me and showing me the other side but I feel good about everything.
     
    Danialla, Apr 10, 2015
    #3
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I really wish you will reconsider your plan to commit suicide...it might seem like it's the right route to take but it definitely is not. One day we will all be deceased, I say enjoy your time left completely, no the time up to your planned suicide.

    You are very welcome hun, I am willing to talk to you anytime!
     
    Petal, Apr 10, 2015
    #4
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