Acting like it's all good when it isn't

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by simonelcuco, Apr 1, 2010.

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  1. simonelcuco

    simonelcuco Member

    It's likely that this has been posted before, but from the things I have been reading it has occured to me that many are in the same boat or have been as I am now.

    It has been more than a year since I had fairly severe depression. It has cost me more than a year out of college and I can't seem to get myself fully on track.

    After explaining to my doctor at that time I had suicidal thoughts I was prescribed an anti-depressant and took some time off school. A couple of events occurred that brought me back to the place I was then, however I do my best and keep a brave face and act like nothing is wrong/bothering me.

    None of my friends are aware and my family, I think, believes that everything is ok again. I don't want to let them down, but my work has suffered mightily and I don't want people to look at me differently and/or be treated with kid gloves.

    I can't keep up this charade, I'll flunk out and who knows what else. I'm not typically one to do something drastic as a cry for help. What the hell do I do? I'm sleeping all day, barely eating, I'm a shell of myself. I miss the way I was.

    I've been thinking about doing something serious though I felt I should at least hear some of you out first.
  2. pinkpetals33

    pinkpetals33 Well-Known Member

    So why haven't your shared with friends and/or family? Yep, the charade only lasts for so long and then it's hard to hide it which you are at now....
  3. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    We sill are able to smile which makes most people believe we are doing just fine. this is a real issue to most of us as nobody can see what we are going trough. have you tried to search a conversation with your family and tell them how you realy feel ? it may help you if the people surounding know at least there is something wrong even though they have no clue what depression realy is. whenever i try to talk to my family all i get is "your not sick at all, thats what you think but you JUST HAVE TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER". duhh. others are more lucky in finding people who can relate to what you are going trough. you say you dont want people to look at you differently, i think that will be hard once you have decide to talk about it. it may be good it may be bad we never know in front. in my case it wasnt helpfull to talk about my depression but i am aware of others that have been more lucky.
    im not sure what to advise you other then seeking profesional help and i dont mean your family doctor but a psychiatrist. would that be an option for you ? it might help to get that stuff of your mind
  4. simonelcuco

    simonelcuco Member

    I've thought about getting a shrink. Though I've told my parents already and they were genuinely concerned. Though I didn't want them to worry so in my great wisdom I made it so they thought I'm fine now that I'm on the meds, which just don't cut it.
    Truth be told I've always been reticent about getting professional help and even to myself I think I'm letting myself down and all I really need to do is pull myself together. I'm aware there is a problem however, it's just I wonder what I'm doing wrong that prevents me from getting work done like I used to or just living in general. How can a psych fix that? Well no harm in trying I guess... A lot less harm than ODing and suprising everybody... Though I've kept my charade up for so long I sometimes fear I just won't be taken seriously you know?
  5. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Simon i can relate alot to your story. im am also finding it hard to finish my work due to lack of motivation which is caused by my depression. i keep looking back seeing the 'old' me who could do pretty much everything and keep comparing the current me to that old me which doesnt make things any easyer. i think you should be honest to your family and tell them how you feel. a psych sounds horrible for someone who has never been there but getting those nasty things of your chest can help you alot, trust me. having people that are realy willing to listen to your story can be a great help and a psych is paid to do that. ODing doestn sound like a great plan considering you have not yet tried so many things that could help you and the fact that you are still young makes you much more vulnrerable to all kinds of emotions. try to tell yourself ODing is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. find some help buddy and talk again to your parents and this time dont make them think you are doing just fine on meds
  6. Monsieur

    Monsieur Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I see acclaimed actors who are showered with praise for their skill. I laugh. They don't know what acting is. We do. To go through your life while wearing a smile affixed mask, acting and performing, conforming and pretending. The cadence of life itself is the stage, there's never a moment of rest, never a moment of truth. The way this society has been built has led people to be purposely and willfully ignorant of the backstage. Nobody wants to see the truth, they just want to see the show. And I'm sorry you've had to display this masquerade for such a long time, truly, it is tiring. You express the fear of being seen in a different, maybe negative light, to be treated as if a kid. So here we come across a split crossroad, and you need to ask yourself: right here, right now, are you happy with your current situation unchanged? Which one is worse, to suffer this hell and this charade or to step out off the stage and get help from family while possibly be seen in a different light?
  7. Sparky55313

    Sparky55313 Well-Known Member

    I should be nominated for the best actor of the past 40 years award.
    I've always had depression and hid it away deep within myself. Mental illness was always considered taboo in my world. I was taught to suck it up and be "normal" a man. All these years and I even had myself fooled.
    To counter act depression I kept as busy as I could.
    At age 49 it all came crashing down on me. All my suicide attempts came to question. I found myself in a pshyc ward for 6 weeks and then decided to deal with the real me. I am still under going med changes for the past year but all in all? I just want to be happy one day so I will continue therapy. Just knowing I no longer need to "act" like I am happy has been a major positive action in my life today.
  8. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    to me its like you have to put a mask on all the time and the only time you take it off is when ur asleep.

    I hate having to put it on every fucking day. why cant we just be us, the true us, not what others want us to be or what we think they want us to be. donnax
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