Practical Advice Active online for the sake of feeling validated: Desperate efforts

[johnDoen]

Often, I cringe at my own posts in others' threads, as if I feel like I'm lying or pretending to help. Is it? Maybe because I'm just waiting for my threads to get as much attention as possible to feel validated, the same in Facebook and other social media. The more alerts I see, the more I feel validated, I guess. I'm desperate for others' attention. Is it driven from my constant suicidal thoughts and something else, abandonment?

Then again, do I really want to help others? Am I lying to myself that I'm genuinely helping others by typing something compassionate or inspiring that feels like a copy of some self-help contents? If that's the case, everyone can say the same thing as I do.

Am I having an obsession on feeling of validation? That is, if I keep working on how to properly getting people's attention, using everything I know in marketing, sale and advertisement, maybe I'll be able to attract others and a bit of love and fame. This is the reason why I have a cat avatar (it's from the forum staff's recommendations in Welcome section, I think it's annoying to tag them here, so no), carefully name my thread (not really successful as expected) and structure my posts for readability (less than 5 lines per paragraph, well spaced).

It makes less and less sense nowadays. Getting help is not a competition but everyone mention it like it's simple and easy thing to do. Anyways, would you kindly tell me how to properly ask for help effectively?



So, the applications for all the things I learned at school and at work are all about an online attention-seeking behavior, not a product, a brand, or something that is more practical, economical or profitable.

 

[Dots]

This is what I hate about the internet. It's a quick way to obtain a cheap dose of validation and even when you aren't searching for it, it somehow ensnares you in its lie: that the more attention you get online, the worthier you are. It's basically like craving a McDonald's meal, eating it, and feeling empty and hungry after because it did fuck all to sustain you, so you eat more.

Tbh, this is kind of what I dislike about sites having the like button option because it makes it even easier to feed into this type of behavior.

This is the reason why I have a cat avatar (it's from the forum staff's recommendations in Welcome section,

Hold up. Is this really a thing? I always wondered why SO many people here have cat avatars. (Not that I am not a cat fan)

Anyway, back to the point. How do you effectively ask for help? That's a hard one because... I assume you mean, effectively in the way to obtain the most bestest support here... by the most amount of people?

Or do you mean... something else? Because otherwise I think the answer is actually simple... by just asking- probably a therapist to start with. They can get to the root of your attention seeking behavior and perhaps offer you tools to seek more meaningful connections/experiences. Sorry if that's not the type of response you were looking for.

 

[johnDoen]

Tbh, this is kind of what I dislike about sites having the like button option because it makes it even easier to feed into this type of behavior.

Hold up. Is this really a thing? I always wondered why SO many people here have cat avatars. (Not that I am not a cat fan)

Anyway, back to the point. How do you effectively ask for help? That's a hard one because... I assume you mean, effectively in the way to obtain the most bestest support here... by the most amount of people?

Or do you mean... something else? Because otherwise I think the answer is actually simple... by just asking- probably a therapist to start with. They can get to the root of your attention seeking behavior and perhaps offer you tools to seek more meaningful connections/experiences. Sorry if that's not the type of response you were looking for.

This forum has a like button. I've just gave you a like, as an appreciation to anyone who replies to my thread regardless of type. I'm this desperate.

It can be troublesome to the admin to change the forum's Like button but I don't know what to suggest, change the icon of the button to be something like "appreciate"? I'll think about it.

The Welcome section has a pinned thread from one of the staff.

Asking for help effectively means I'll get either a genuine help or a gentle refuse from anyone whenever I ask, instead of a "man up, deal with it" or a "not now, I'm busy". I received the first phrase from my last therapist multiple times, and the last from my parents. Just asking never works.

 

[Dots]

This forum has a like button. I've just gave you a like, as an appreciation to anyone who replies to my thread regardless of type. I'm this desperate.

It can be troublesome to the admin to change the forum's Like button but I don't know what to suggest, change the icon of the button to be something like "appreciate"? I'll think about it.

I know it does - I dislike the like button for this reason but I appreciate it for other reasons so I didn't mean forums should do away with it. It's convenient and best in situations where you don't know what to say.

I'm sorry asking for help hasn't worked for you and surprised a therapist would say something like this to you. I hope you have a new therapist. I can't really offer any advice on how to get attention...but can offer an ear if you find that helpful?

 

[johnDoen]

I know it does - I dislike the like button for this reason but I appreciate it for other reasons so I didn't mean forums should do away with it. It's convenient and best in situations where you don't know what to say.

I'm sorry asking for help hasn't worked for you and surprised a therapist would say something like this to you. I hope you have a new therapist. I can't really offer any advice on how to get attention...but can offer an ear if you find that helpful?

It is helpful. Thank you.

 

[Dots]

Great, well feel free to reach out to my inbox or to me on chat if/when you want to talk.