You know, I often times wonder about people. So many people out there tell me that I need to go out there and try to change and fix myself. Then I am stuck with the realization that it is all a matter or perception. I mean, why am I the one who is broken? So many people like to talk about fate. However, fate is only convenient when it does not justify suicide. Like my recently adopted idea that if life was worth living. That is the experience I would have had with life. It is hard to refute that kind of thinking. I mean yeah sure people will throw out "It wasn't meant to be" if you get dumped by a girl you really like or if you do not get a job you really want or if you are to slow to get something. However, the moment I say "I wasn't meant to be happy" people go off the deep end talking about how fate is crap. Well I am sticking to that. I mean it allows me to justify not changing anything. Yes I know that people will tell me if I do not do anything then nothing will change. However, I have to wonder why do I have to do anything? I mean why do I have to work to conform to the world around me? Why can't the world work for me? I mean if I am so wrong why doesn't someone come in and try and change me? After all, I am clearly broken. So if it is so wrong for me to be broken. Why don't you fix me? I just do not get it to be honest. Everyone will tell me I am broken. Everyone will tell me I need to be fixed. Yet no one wants to fix me. All the fixing has to fall to me. Why is that, I mean if you think that fixing me would be a good thing. Why can't you put forth a little effort to fix me? No the fixing always comes to me. You need to go out and fix yourself. That is all I am ever told. People never want to put forth the effort into fixing me. So why would I want to put forth effort into fixing myself? I mean if I was really worth it like everyone says. Why not fix that something that is worth it? It is kind of funny to think about it. I mean people tell me I am worth it. Well I must not be worth much because no one wants to put forth the effort to try and fix me. They tell me that I am worth it and that I need to change. However, no one wants to help me. They all tell me that the change has to come from me. What they are really telling me is that I am actually worthless. Because if I was worth it. Then people would want to change me. They would want to fix me. However, they all hide behind the shield of "The change has to come from you". So at the end of the day. I can see myself as worthless. I can see everyone as lying to me... you know because if I was worth the effort then they would want to make the effort. However, I am not worth the effort so clearly I am not worth anything. So I am going to relish my new job. Where I can stay inside all day and only come out for food and the gym. Even then, the food will end up being very few because I plan on cooking at home as often as I come. Then I will sit back and laugh at all those people who tell me things will start to look up. I will laugh until the day I kill myself.