well. I never thought I'd do it..... after that breakdown, my heads been bad.......Rose keeps winning over me. I let her take control. I hit myself hard today I wanted to smash bottles into my head, so I though.......maybe, if I drew blood, actual blood, then I'd feel ok for a little while, at least until I see the doctors.. I cut open a disposable razor.....and started to slice my arm. Not really deep, enough to bleed. It made me feel sick because I'm not good with blood. But I kept doing it. I tried to write "whore" on my arm, but only got to "wh" Its bandaged now........dont know how I'll explain this one to my dad........I dont think I'll tell him... well yeah, another issue now on my list....I dont know if I'll do it again...I probablly will. I've stopped crying.....the cutting stopped the crying.....thats a good thing right?. nothing else stops the crying.