Addicted to sex now I got no one to talk to

#21
After reading what Auri wrote, I probably don't have much else to say.
Maybe that trying to find "the same" or to feel "as happy" as before is a very troublesome endeavour, because it will never happen. I had a blissful year with a women, and tried to look for it, and it only led to frustration and dissapointment.

Instead I will tell you a bit about me, to show you that other ways to see relations are possible.
There are two persons at the moment with which I am very intimate. And from the very start, I've been honest. I am free and they are free.
They accepted it gladly. We are friends, we talk about our hardships and about our dreams. When we meet we also have sex, in the same way we would go out for a walk, or cook together. It's just an activity we choose to do together. The important thing is, our relation is not defined by sex, even if sex does happen sometimes.

There are many ways to love, to experience, to bond. As confusing as it may be, I think you explored a few ways to have relationships, and the one in question here is the sexual only type. I do believe that to have a healthy mind and a healthy social life, you need to find a balance. Maybe you will find it liberating to be fully honest with others. At least I did.

This was just another take on relations, you do whatever you want with this.
And I wish you good fortune with your difficult endeavor of recovery.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#22
I try I do but what am I supposed to do. I am 31 now I am getting to old for this.

Yeah but I can't go through that again it would literally kill me. I want to be happy but if I try and this happens again. I know this is ruining my life and I am not happy but its to risky.
You're not too old. Working on oneself is a life-long process.
I understand that change is scary, and that risk is terrifying. But it sounds like you are just making yourself miserable continuing down this path. Think of how many years you have ahead of you that could be filled with friendship and love, versus avoidance and self-hatred. If you let yourself be open to love then yes, it won't always work out. But you can learn to not let a relationship define your whole being as a person. You are worth it.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#23
I try I do but what am I supposed to do. I am 31 now I am getting to old for this.

Yeah but I can't go through that again it would literally kill me. I want to be happy but if I try and this happens again. I know this is ruining my life and I am not happy but its to risky.
Welcome to the forum. You are never too old, I wish I could remember easier when I was 31. Tomorrow will be another day.
 
#24
Welcome to the forum. You are never too old, I wish I could remember easier when I was 31. Tomorrow will be another day.
Yeah but tomorrow looks like today and today looks like everyday the past 7 years.

You're not too old. Working on oneself is a life-long process.
I understand that change is scary, and that risk is terrifying. But it sounds like you are just making yourself miserable continuing down this path. Think of how many years you have ahead of you that could be filled with friendship and love, versus avoidance and self-hatred. If you let yourself be open to love then yes, it won't always work out. But you can learn to not let a relationship define your whole being as a person. You are worth it.
I am already miserable. I spent most the day today wondering if I should just jump in my car and drive off somewhere. I want a nice relationship but I don't know why I can't let it happen. I just throw it away someone starts to get attached. I feel like I am just treading water for 7 years and just living to take up space.


After reading what Auri wrote, I probably don't have much else to say.
Maybe that trying to find "the same" or to feel "as happy" as before is a very troublesome endeavour, because it will never happen. I had a blissful year with a women, and tried to look for it, and it only led to frustration and dissapointment.

Instead I will tell you a bit about me, to show you that other ways to see relations are possible.
There are two persons at the moment with which I am very intimate. And from the very start, I've been honest. I am free and they are free.
They accepted it gladly. We are friends, we talk about our hardships and about our dreams. When we meet we also have sex, in the same way we would go out for a walk, or cook together. It's just an activity we choose to do together. The important thing is, our relation is not defined by sex, even if sex does happen sometimes.

There are many ways to love, to experience, to bond. As confusing as it may be, I think you explored a few ways to have relationships, and the one in question here is the sexual only type. I do believe that to have a healthy mind and a healthy social life, you need to find a balance. Maybe you will find it liberating to be fully honest with others. At least I did.

This was just another take on relations, you do whatever you want with this.
And I wish you good fortune with your difficult endeavor of recovery.

Well I would love to have someone to speak to but I can't. I have too many dark thoughts, and it's likely for the best if I just leave the relationships to sex only. If they don't know about me they can't upset me. I know what I want but I can't act on it. If I tell anyone all this stuff they just ignore me and think I am some kind of weird sex pervert. If I bring up my ex then they think I am crazy so there is no winning.
 
#25
I am at the point now where I just wish I had someone to talk to. Not sexually or anything like that but I don't really have anyone I can talk to and be open with about anything. I just want to be able to have someone I can count on to talk to me. I want people I have tried to reach out to not just tell me it will get better and that if I want to speak to someone I should just pay a stranger to sit there and listen to me. I want to be better but when I stick my hand out for help and no one is there to help me up I end up making bad decisions.
 
#26
I think there are support groups for sex addicts.

I wonder if there may also be a book on sex addiction that you'd like to read.

I hope things can get better soon.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#27
Have you tried talking in the chat here? Maybe you could make some friends here to help a bit with some of the loneliness
 

Gonz

₲‹›Ŋʑ
#28
I can't help thinking that you're only seeing two options right now: continue having sexual encounters, or look for a romantic relationship. You say you can't do the latter, so you continue on with the former.

But here's the thing; either way you're defining yourself by how you relate to women. I think it might do you some good to do neither for a while. Not seek out either sex or romance, if that is possible, and work on getting past this previous relationship by figuring out who you are outside of sex and romance, rather than just trying to replace her with one or the other.
 
#29
Have you tried talking in the chat here? Maybe you could make some friends here to help a bit with some of the loneliness
Where is that, I was unaware of it?


I can't help thinking that you're only seeing two options right now: continue having sexual encounters, or look for a romantic relationship. You say you can't do the latter, so you continue on with the former.

But here's the thing; either way you're defining yourself by how you relate to women. I think it might do you some good to do neither for a while. Not seek out either sex or romance, if that is possible, and work on getting past this previous relationship by figuring out who you are outside of sex and romance, rather than just trying to replace her with one or the other.
Yeah that is basically exactly what is happening.

I thought of that but I don't even have friends to hang out with to take my mind of women. I wish I could take some time and get my head clear but without being able to speak to people I start getting even more depressed.
 

sinking_ship

woman overboard
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#30
Have you tried talking in the chat here? Maybe you could make some friends here to help a bit with some of the loneliness
Where is that, I was unaware of it?


I can't help thinking that you're only seeing two options right now: continue having sexual encounters, or look for a romantic relationship. You say you can't do the latter, so you continue on with the former.

But here's the thing; either way you're defining yourself by how you relate to women. I think it might do you some good to do neither for a while. Not seek out either sex or romance, if that is possible, and work on getting past this previous relationship by figuring out who you are outside of sex and romance, rather than just trying to replace her with one or the other.
Yeah that is basically exactly what is happening.

I thought of that but I don't even have friends to hang out with to take my mind of women. I wish I could take some time and get my head clear but without being able to speak to people I start getting even more depressed.
If you are using the app there isn’t a chat feature, but in a phone or web browser it should show up on the bottom right. If you only have the app you can still use inbox messages to talk to people, it’s just not as real time.
 

Bradamante

Silent dreamer
#31
Cricky *hug
I am really sorry what you're going through. Our friends have here given very valuable advice and if you really need to talk urgently there's always someone here in the chat ready to listen, so you're not alone :)
Regarding your problem, I agree that it seems like you have a sex addiction and trust me no one is going to judge you for this. Because addiction is a disease and it requires to be treated, through a path of rehab and recovery.
I understand very well the pain of the end of a meaningful relationship, it is devastating and it can deeply change you inside and outside forever. I also understand you want to be loved and cared for, and you're trying to fill this giant void by doing the only way you think it's safe for you and the others, to be closer to a woman. Professional expertise is certainly the most effective helping choice with this. It is really not an uncommon issue, there are groups out there and on the internet you can seek for sharing your feelings. Just remember, no matter how hopeless you think you are, you are not; you can get better and heal, find the strength in yourself to overcome this, I am sure you have it, because you have made the first step to be self-aware of your issue and you're tired to sit and be passive. So I wish you really good luck and we are always here for you.
 

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