addiction? *graphic trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by meagainstme, Apr 17, 2007.

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  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    i think about cutting all the time. i think about pain all the time. i love that feeling of scraping the blade along my skin. of pushing it down until its so far in my finger touches the skin. i love seeing all the blood pour out. i love seeing the fat tissue poke through. i love caring for it after. i love watchin the blood come thru the bandages. its mine.

    i havent done any deep cuts in such a long time. but im craving to. actually craving it.

    i need that feeling.
    i need it to feel alive.
    to make me feel like me. to get all the evil out.
    i need to get all the pain out.

    anyone else feel like this?
    am i totally addicted?
  2. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    Re: addiction? *triggar*

    Read the book "Cut".

    I know exactly how you're feeling.

    That's kinda how I am about pills sometimes.

    I need to feel the numb. I need to feel the pain before the numb. n' I need to control the way n' which I calm my pain.

    Try excercise.
  3. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    Re: addiction? *triggar*

    which pills do you mean?

    exercise doesnt work. i feel so numb these days that i jst cant bring myself to move alot. let alone exercise :( gosh i hate being so down. i just hide in my room. alone with my insane thoughts. grr. this sucks
  4. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Re: addiction? *triggar*

    Hun, I wouldn't go the pill route, it can mess your liver up, and you don't want to live what's left of your life on Dialysis, it's not fun, my grandfather was on it, his last days were awful.
  5. crzykidshanana

    crzykidshanana Well-Known Member

    Re: addiction? *triggar*

    I mean, painkillers. Not excessive amounts. Not all the time. Just occasionally. The occasional escape.

    Nothing too crazy.

    It's better than scarring yourself...erm...on the outside.
  6. Lortabs are the best. But I have to use them sparingly cause I have braces and when you get them tightened Lortabs are your bestest friend in the whole wide world.:eek:fftopic: Anywho, yeah, I know what you mean. I love seeing my own blood. It's just now gotten to the point where I actually cut deep enough to have blood actually drip out. I cut myself in the school bathroom stall the other day and it just steadily dripped onto the floor making a puddle. I'm sick, cause that made me happy.:sad:
  7. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    yeah I feel exactly the same as you do 'trapped88'...Don't know if you should call it addicted,, but it feels like addicted to me:dry:

    'crzykidshanana' you were talking about the book ''cut'', another good story is ''the luckiest girl in the world'', don't know if you know that..

  8. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    Re: addiction? *triggar*

    no no i didnt mean i wanted to do that. i just wanted to know which she meant.

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