Ideas & Opinions Addiction to SF counterproductive

Winslow

My Toughest Problem Has Been Solved.
SF Supporter
#1
First of all let me emphasize that I'm lucky nowadays because I'm currently NONsuicidal. So by right, I should not be coming here, because reading the posts of other members who are suicidal often affects me to the point that I become despondent again. The problem is that I am addicted to this site, so I keep coming back. How do I deal with this?
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Social Media
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#2
This site really takes people in all places of their journey to function. People who are further in their journey to support those who aren't. People who aren't currently struggling to help those who are. There is no requirement to be suicidal to be here. There are some here who have never been suicidal but instead ended up here for other reasons. The prerequisite isn't a thing.

Now, if the site is making you feel worse that's a different issue. None of us want you to do anything that makes you feel worse. If you're finding you spend too much on SF and it's affecting your personal mental health set a time limit. I have had periods for myself where I've had to back off some for my own mental health. I'll restrict myself to x amount of time x number of days a week.
 
#3
reading the posts of other members who are suicidal often affects me to the point that I become despondent again.
I guess the answer is:

1. Make some change the keeps you from coming back here

or

2. Make some change that makes coming here not so bad, or even good for you.

There was a time for me when I didn't want to come here so much. There were so many people here that wanted to die, it was agonizing to me to see it. Often times I didn't feel like I was doing much good, and other times when I even seemed to be making things worse. So I mostly just stayed away, and maybe visited once every few months.

One day, something just clicked with me. People here were going to be suicidal whether I saw it or not, so there was every reason to face that and no reason not to. While I should always strive to improve, I was also doing more good than harm. There was every reason to keep posting here, and to accept that it's necessary to work with the imperfections of the world, and of myself.

Imho, it's option 2 that's the best. I don't know what route you can take to an acceptance that allows you to post here without being brought down, but I certainly think that's the best place to focus.

There's little kids that still have a mom or dad because of SF. No one has to explain to them why their mom or dad is gone and won't be coming back. There's people that still have a son, daughter, husband, wife, or friend because of SF. There's people who've had a lifetime of misery and injustice who have been able to get at least some measure of comfort because of SF. The beauty of that, the glory of that is something that I don't think can be overstated.

When someone is in a vulnerable state, just a few kind words at the right moment can make all the difference. I know of no easier way to make the world a better place.

@Winslow, if you can't get to a state where SF is not bringing you down, you really have to try to leave, it wouldn't be right for you to stay. I hope you'll be able to work out a way to stay though.
 

SamB

SF Supporter
#4
What do you think it is that makes SF addictive for you?
Do you think it’s possible that it is because it triggers the feelings that it brings up in you and that’s the addictive thing?
 

Saint Rita

Believe in yourself!
#5
I think first you should identify what's making you come back here again and again. Is it the folks here? The fun posts or the café or something else? Then try to distance yourself from here.

I personally take regular breaks from SF whenever I feel I should take a break.

One piece of advice that I have for you is keep yourself busy.
 

MAC0

Y.N.W.A
SF Supporter
#6
I still have sucidal ideas come to kind every now and again call it addiction as i work online i am refreshing the page all day as just talk takes my mind away from my issues did not know that we should leave after a time for me

i feel i still need help also i want to help others if i can and last and i might be wrong i consider some of the people i have met here friends so enjoy chatting to them

plus the site is not all about are issues theres a whole section to talk about music video games movies and tv
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Safety & Support
SF Social Media
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#8
did not know that we should leave after a time
There is no need for anyone to leave. People often choose to once they are feeling better, but some of us stay around during the good and bad times. There is no prerequisite to being suicidal to be here. You are welcome to stay as long as you want. :)
 

MAC0

Y.N.W.A
SF Supporter
#9
for anyone to leave. People often choose to once they are feeling better, but some of us stay around during the good and bad times. There is no prerequisite to being suicidal to be here. You are welcome to stay as long as you want. :)
Thanks man as I said I still feel bad and being here just talking to people helps me no end as I dont get the support at home but I also want to help others as you guys helped me
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#10
I still have sucidal ideas come to kind every now and again call it addiction as i work online i am refreshing the page all day as just talk takes my mind away from my issues did not know that we should leave after a time for me

i feel i still need help also i want to help others if i can and last and i might be wrong i consider some of the people i have met here friends so enjoy chatting to them

plus the site is not all about are issues theres a whole section to talk about music video games movies and tv
That is too true about the various sections. One of the reasons I hope new and old members do check out what is here. I still learn all the time. There are so many areas that are lighter where you can get and give a smile, plus anytime you are are to help with someone else that is gravy.
 

AvidFan

Retired Cat Staff
SF Supporter
#12
I've started to wonder about this question. And though I've not really thought of myself as an empathic person, maybe I'm too vulnerable to others' emotions.
Maybe you are empathic. I'm certainly an empath, it's been painfully obvious since I was a child, and made life extremely difficult at times. But I've also had a lifetime of practice dealing with it, and finding ways to shield myself from the full force of others' feelings (actually shield is the wrong word as they don't bounce off so much as pass through me without getting stuck).

I often wonder why I stick around here but it gives me a sense of comfort belonging to something when I don't feel I belong to much in the world, being a bit of a free floating solo drifter. I know that coming here has really helped me the times when I really needed it and I got a lot of support, I think I just want to pay some of that forward and help others if I can, plus ultimately hopefully demonstrate that your life can be a mess, rock bottom, and you CAN survive this and find a way forward and not just survive but thrive.

I know my core wound is abandonment/rejection from childhood so what affects me the most is when regular members leave, there were a couple of people here when I first came who have both gone now, and that makes me feel sad. I would hope if anyone sees me as part of this community, I would not affect them similarly by disappearing one day but I guess one day I might do just that if I need to or life takes me in that direction. In the past I was on other forums for a time, made a lot of connections, years later they are all gone, pretty much and the forums look like alien planets full of strangers if I ever happen across threads on a search or something. Maybe these things have a shelf life for some people and as we morph and move through life our online lives change too.
 

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#13
they don't bounce off so much as pass through me without getting stuck).
I'd like to learn how to do this. Your words give me the hope I could learn to control how my mind (feels like my heart) deals with other's emotional fields.

@AvidFan it seems we have some similar issues in our lives. You've mansged them them more succussfully than I. Abandonment is an awful, insidious form of abuse.

It's my perception at sf that your words have helped quite a lot. I talk/write too much. How does one gauge help; I do not know, since one can't see results, usually. Some of the inspiration shared here could be processed into a person's mind, and bounce all over within their neuronal pathways, or it might fizzle out in a person's despairing depression.
Wish the best for all of us.
 

1Lefty

SF Supporter
#14
I took a hiatus, partly because I felt I had made much progress and didn't have the active need. And I was bothered by some of the posts. I'm back, after missing the support. I hope that I'm at a place that I can handle the posts, but I still have some raw places.

@seabird, I think you write just the right amount. You helped me, so ....
I think help is the act of offering, or of giving something positive, forward into the universe. Hoping that another might receive it, but without depending on that or expecting it.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#15
I took a hiatus, partly because I felt I had made much progress and didn't have the active need. And I was bothered by some of the posts. I'm back, after missing the support. I hope that I'm at a place that I can handle the posts, but I still have some raw places.

@seabird, I think you write just the right amount. You helped me, so ....
I think help is the act of offering, or of giving something positive, forward into the universe. Hoping that another might receive it, but without depending on that or expecting it.
I am glad you get the support and that it helps. One of the good things here is that you can pick and choose which sections to view and which posts to give the most attention to so that it hopefully never becomes overwhelming. Checking out some of the lighter areas where humor, hobbies and other activities can bring some smiles and at the same time if you see a post or thread that you may have advice and support post to that individual. It is good to be empathetic but at the same time not to lose yourself is also important.
 

seabird

meandering home
SF Supporter
#16
@seabird, I think you write just the right amount. You helped me, so ....
I think help is the act of offering, or of giving something positive, forward into the universe. Hoping that another might receive it, but without depending on that or expecting it
thank you 1lefty, it's good of you to write that and it's reassuring.

I'm glad to have helped.
 

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