addictive personality issues

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by corang, Dec 4, 2009.

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  1. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Most of my family are alcoholics got a few former hard drug addicts. Ive done Rx painkillers and loved it more than anything else. I understand what people mean when they say an addiction lasts a lifetime. Ive been clean for around 2 years but the want for it hasnt gone away. Its been so strong I seriously considered robbing a pharmacy to get them without caring that without a doubt id be caught. If I didnt have friends that knew what addiction is like and knew me really well I would have probably done that.

    I feel like im genetically screwed when it comes to addictive things. Name it I want it if I can get addicted. People that are 15-16 wanna be doctors police amazing things I dreamt of being a homeless heroin junkie. Something is definetly wrong with me I dont wanna be a homeless heroin addict but I still want to get high or drunk anything. I know itll probably ruin my life if I did do those things but thats never helped any. I figure my life is gunna suck anyway even if I stay totally sober.
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Are you in a 12 step program. I'm in AA. If you are in a program, do you need to go to more meetings? :hug:
     
  3. corang

    corang Well-Known Member

    Im not in any programs never was in any in the past either. I saw a therapist for a while who told me I was too messed up for her to help unless i saw her pretty much every day. She was very nice about it she understood we could only pay for once a week and wasnt the type to take our money without helping like I needed. Were trying to get with a group that takes our insurance but its been over a month of getting paperwork to them so it shouldnt be too much longer hopefully and they have therapists.
     
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