Adding more weight to your problems.

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by boo, Sep 6, 2010.

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  1. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Don't you think sometime coming to a suicide forum (be it this one or another) just adds more weight to your problems. Yes yes, i know SF helped and perhaps saved many lives. I won't argue that, but i think it's a double edged sword.
    Let me explain... If you're heavily implicated within the community, then you probably formed a bond with someone at some point. Truth is, this is the internet and unlike real life, if that person decide to leave the site then you might never see them again. After all, most people here won't divulge their private informations beyond their first name.
    This is very troublesome because it can leave one person feeling abandoned and sorta betrayed. With the fragile state of mind we're in, this can be the final nail in the coffin.
    You might think this is just some silly overreaction on my part, and you might be right because i'm deeply paranoid right now. But when i formed that friendship with that person, i became attached. I became dependent, almost to the point of obssession.
    That person, just like many other close friends i've made here, became the reason why i would want to wake up and do something. And now that i am left without news or any sign of life from that person, i regret to have let myself become yet again a victim of my emotion.

    I trust easily and worse still, i get attached even more easily.

    Don't you sometime just regret to have befriend someone just to be let down?

    I know that person didn't do it on purpose. That's why i blame none other than myself. This kinda made me sit back and say to myself : "hey fuck it, i'm just going to play the i don't care card from now on."
  2. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    I added you on msn. :nerd:
  3. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Oh hey, i didn't know it was you. I will add you, but please understand if i'm not talking much if at all at this moment.
  4. GA_lost

    GA_lost Well-Known Member

    I understand your point. I think the better way to approach a forum relationship is to care but not expect a lasting friendship. I too have been hurt. My biggest problem here has been caring too much. When I read about someone who is threatening suicide, I have found I can not place my own sanity on the line. At first, I would jump in and try to save the person, but that can not be done without losing myself. I suppose I am trying to say is approach a forum friend as a doctor or T would. Care about the person but do not place your own well being on the line.
  5. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I suppose this is a point where heavy emotional detachment comes in handy?

    I've yet to make such emotional connections.

    Also I really look at it as the fact that this is indeed the internet, why would people really make strong connections?
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    boo I feel the same way too....I don't think you're overreacting at all...
    i've been attatched to people here and they've hurt me really badly ..

    the first one supposed OD turned out to be a scam...almost sent me down the tube..
    the second went off to do the deed and I found out didn't go through with it but didn't bother to let me know they were alive and well..
    So I learnt a lesson and now I have to keep things at arms length to protect what sanity I have left... :)

    It still hurts when we get atatched to's human nature to care and I have to be really careful cos like you i care and get attatched too easily

    I just wish life was simpler!!
  7. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Totally agree i used to become emotionally attached to people IRL. Thing is at the minute im totally the opposite. I cannot form deep emotional bonds with anyone whether they are online or IRL due to the fact i cant allow myself to get hurt or fucked up again which is really bad.
  8. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Alot of the people who come here are lonely and have no one in life. I am one of them. Without SF, i remember i used to never even spoke a single word for days. And when i actually let a sound out of my mouth it sounded so strange, like it was another person.

    Like GA Lost said, i guess it is best to draw a line between what's real and what's not. But to be honest at this point i don't even know if i want to care anymore.
  9. Mystic

    Mystic Well-Known Member

    Me as well.
  10. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    I have only just noticed this. Due to the nature of mental illness people seek validation from other people, however and whichever way possible. Because they dont get it from people IRL they seek other means such as the internet. Due to the nature of this site and the fact many people have the same problems then its natural people will develop strong emotional connections because people can relate with each other.

    When someone disappears for a few days then of course it hurts just as much as it does when someone disappears IRL. Just because its the internet doesnt make it any less real.
  11. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Yes, that's true and it can be both a blessing and a curse.

    To me coming here to help people goes a little deeper than a formal tap on the back. I feel their pain and despair. Which is why you will rarely see me reply to threads with heavy subjects. I try so hard to find the perfect words to say to those people, but usually just stay quiet because i feel like i won't say the right thing.
  12. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    Sf is a sad place, a sad and depressing place... i've said that before and im sure its not news to those who are here....we have people coming here who are in distress mentally in some form or another..but when you put a bunch of people together, seeing as we are social beings and all, we will socialize. But there in lies the problem, picking a bunch of unstable (or potentially unstable) people as a social group, may not the best option...I get that now and i have been hurt just by being on SF and socializing with people here and caring about them...i have tried to keep my distance, more so of late so as not to care and get to involved...but im questioning why the fuck i even come here anymore tbh...
  13. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Me too...(have no-one)
  14. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    I agree. Due to the nature of the site then people are going to get hurt when people go offline. Maybe the reason you keep coming back is subconciously you still need support same as the rest of us, even if that support is just coming on and seeing how people are and trying to make a difference?
  15. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    that and boredom....and getting advice from chuck norris ;)
  16. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Well chuck seems to have turned quite reasonable lately!! I think it might be due to the calming effect of the butthurt bunny :lol!:
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