Admitting I have a problem has been one of the hardest things I have done, and it has brought up within me a huge amount of feelings and thoughts that I find it hard to sort through, but I find myself working towards just that, addressing these. I was in long term relationship, that I brought a huge amount of abuse into, mostly it was emotional, it became physical and I pushed a broken sense of sexuality on this beautiful person that I made into a victim. When I reflect on all this I see that it came down to one thing - Control - I was out of control myself so I sought to control others - socially excluding myself I pushed this control onto her. She did not deserve it, not one moment of it. If you have been abused you have not deserved it, not one moment of it. Us abusers are not the victims, we made victims and I am filled with remorse that I added to this pain. If you find yourself second guessing your decisions and how they contributed you must let that go, it is not your fault -you were and are worthy of love and appreciation- the best thing you can do is make sure that you are safe, your family is safe. If you are made to feel guilty by us abusers because you phoned the police or you reached out for help then be certain the cycle has not stopped. If you are inundated with excuses or it seems that the abuser is obsessing over you, the abuse has not stopped. This is very hard for me to confess because I do not want to be seen as an abuser. Only I can break my own cycle of abuse, no matter how hard you try, unless I put in my work, I will find no healing. ~A journey of a thousand miles starts with one step~ I know what I did, I know I am not a slave to myself, Love is doing its work. Breath easy.