Adoption and Child Abuse

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Deanna_Marie, Jul 30, 2007.

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  1. Deanna_Marie

    Deanna_Marie Member

    I gave a speech a few weeks ago, with a very generalized idea about the abuse and rape I experienced, as well as my feelings since then. I don't know if this is the right place to post it, please let me know... but until then... The following is my speech.


    Adoption and Child Abuse

    When you hear the word adoption, what’s the first thing you think of? Two loving individuals taking the time to love and raise a child who much needs the care or perhaps you envision those children being adopted from orphanages from other countries where the adoptive parents are rescuing them from disease or even death. Hello, I’m Deanna, and I’m here to tell you about my personal experiences and to show you that while not common there is a limited number of adoptions that are not all fairytales and dreams come true.

    I was three years old when my parents told me that I had been adopted. Most children at that age adjust quickly when being told at young ages, yet I didn’t adjust, I couldn’t. Instead I stopped speaking for a year. You see, life had always been different for me.

    I have three older sisters, that I adored, but even more, I truly envied them. They didn’t have to wake up afraid every day or night. They didn’t have to assume positions that a child should never have to know about.

    For many years I wondered why it was my job to please my father. Some days he’d use me as a target to see how close he could throw the knives at me without actually hurting me. Other days I would be his kickboxing dummy. However there was one thing that was a constant in my life at night. Every night I became the only thing that could satisfy his sexual needs and desires. My mother told me in junior high, that the reason I had been adopted was so my father could have his needs filled without having to subject my sisters to it. Basically, I was supposed to be his sex toy.

    I’ve been asked how I’ve made it through all of the abuse. The truth is, I am lucky. My first suicide attempt was when I was four, and I had several more as I was growing up. However, between my faith, and the blessings I was given through friendships and special family members, I managed to make it. Yet every day I have to “Make It” all over again.

    As an adult, I know that children are unlikely for me, and anger is a constant issue. I have some physical challenges because of the abuse, I use the wheelchair and have been diagnosed with Bipolar as well as Post Traumatic Stress, but I know I can use all of this to my advantage.

    I know it’s my destiny and have made it my goal in life to help prevent this and other abuse from happening to other kids. My long term goal is to get a Masters in Social Work and use it to help protect the precious gifts we are given. The gifts we call children.
     
  2. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    :cry: Deanna, I admire you for your courage and your desire to help others. You are one of the stronger people I know. I hope you find the support you need here. I trust that you are out of that abusive situation now? :hug:
     
  3. Deanna_Marie

    Deanna_Marie Member

    For the most part, i am... but it keeps coming back to haunt me... I spent 6+ years suicide attepts free... then in Oct. I realized i needed to get help again and went to the ER for help. In Dec. I started cutting, i'd never been a cutter before, but i started... and now, in the last few months, all i find myself wanting to do is the one thing I know I shouldn't do. The one thing I've fought so hard to over come. Even now... especially now, right this minute... all I want to do is find all the pills i can and take them. I keep thinking how to do it, how many i'd need and what kinds, when to do it... that kind of thing... but I also know that I want my life to mean more than that... it's hard to do what i know I should rather than what my heart desires most. I guess i'm near a crisis moment... yet I'm still not sure how to get the help i need. The ER doesn't do anything to help except hold me for 12 plus hours to wait to see the on call therapist who has to visit over 20 hospitals in one night. And frankly, while i don't mind chatting online, i don't really wanna talk on the phone. I know i'm sounding kinda childish right now... frankly that's how i feel... but i just don't know where else to turn... sorry for the downer here... i just needed to get it out.
     
  4. Jolanta

    Jolanta Member & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Deanna, sweetie, if you want to chat, you can PM me any time. :smile: I am usually available. I think, though, that you need to be under a doctor's care. Do you have a family doctor? A general Practitioner? :hug:

    With love from Jolanta
     
  5. Deanna_Marie

    Deanna_Marie Member

    My medicare is still messing around trying to figure out who could take me on as far as my physical health goes, being bipolar though, they already got me a very good psychiatrist. Right now we're trying different meds due to complications between medicare and some serious side effects i keep having. I'm actually doing better right now... I seem to be cycling in and out of depression the last couple weeks, which is normal for me... but the severity of depression is greater than normal... While i try talking to my boyfriend, I have yet to find a therapist. I used to have a fair one... but when i moved in May, i had to start the process all over again at looking for one. As for an offer to chat, i really do appreciate it. The hardest thing for me is when things trigger my depression, and yet i have no idea what it was that triggered it, or perhaps i just don't know why it did.
     
  6. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Damn it.
     
  7. Julia-C

    Julia-C Well-Known Member

    This is a wonderfully amazing attitude and goal to have. It does help to conclude that more then harm can come out of something so awful. I applaud you and wish you God Speed on this selfless goal.

    I am so sorry that this happened to you. No one deserves to be treated that way. :hug: to you if it is okay.
     
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