Advice? D:

[Avarice]

I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm conflicted. One half of me is telling me to hate his guts for hurting me so much. I've had some time to think about some of things that went on and it became clear to me that in some instances I was just plain stupid to what was going on, and to stay with him regardless of all of that, was a very foolish thing to do. I should have gotten out the second it all happened and never looked back. It's too late now. Well, it's not. We broke up already. What I mean is, it's too late to take back everything that happened after it all happened. The lies, more hurt, y'know. So it goes without saying, this asshole hurt me and doesn't deserve a second more of my attention, right?

That's where the other half comes in. I'm lonely. I'm a terribly lonely person and can't stand being alone. I have my family who I live with, but that isn't the same really. They're not 'there' for me in terms of support for my problems. I'm sure they would be, if they knew anything was up. But they don't. I have no real friends I can go to to talk to at all. All the friends I have I dislike in some shape or form, even if it's not all the time. He's the only person I ever felt truely comfortable around. I'm a very socially awkward person, both on the net and in real life (though more so in real life), so finding someone I can be (almost) 100% myself with is a break-through right? Who knows when and IF that'll ever happen again. Maybe, I should just get back with him, let him hurt me all he likes and just stop caring. Because I'd rather be hurt over and over by the one I loved than be lonely. At least I can be myself and talk to him about my problems. But isn't that using him? Not that he doesn't deserve it, mind you.

So what do I do? I can predict the answers being something along the lines of, "You deserve better", "He doesn't deserve you", "You'll find someone else", but to be honest. You don't know that. It's easy for other people to say those things, when they aren't the ones without hope. I need someone who can be there for me, and he is the only one there is. I'm sure I can deal with the pain of the lies and the past, and even the pain of him possibly cheating on me again, as long as I can talk to him and not be lonely anymore.

I don't even know why I am writing this. He hasn't been online to speak to me in over a week now. He's probably gotten shot of me for good. I can't blame him. I wasn't exactly nice to him when he was around. I just don't know what to do anymore. =\

 

[cult logic]

We can tell you a lot of things, but what is it that YOU really want?

I do think you can do better but if you think you'll be happy with him then there's not much for me to say.

 

[Avarice]

I don't know if he can make me happy anymore. If I could forget the past and move on, and if he manages to earn back my trust, then yes, I could be. But those are big ifs..

 

[cult logic]

Well, I'm not going to ask you the context of what he did, but it's something to consider.

Accidently kissing another girl while drunk wouldn't be as bad as if he'd been going behind your back for weeks.

*In my experience* cheaters that have entirely new relationships aren't usually sorry they did it, they're sorry they got caught.

 

[Avarice]

Well what he did is another thing that I'm torn on. He cheated on me over the internet. Our relationship was, at the time, purely internet based and it turned out he was dating around five girls off the net at once; me being one of them. This wasn't for a few weeks, it was for around 7+ months. I won't go into more details, but a lot of the things he told me like, "I want to grow old with you" and the plans we made, names for our kids even, he planned and told all the others as well (or a few of them).

So do I be grateful it was just a silly internet relationship, or be angry that he did it in the first place? I'm well aware he probably isn't sorry for what he did, but I'm lonely.. He doesn't have to be sorry for me to talk to him. Even though that is a foolish way to think. D:

 

[cult logic]

Don't let loneliness put you in a position where he can take advantage of you.

If you stay with him he has to know that *he* is lucky that you're even giving him a second chance, and that you don't need him.

Honestly I would just try to move on. He's a jerk for what he did.

There will almost always be others, i'm even confident I'll find someone once I am ready to start looking, and I'm pretty damn weird.

 

[Unwilling]

Every time I broke up or was left by someone I cared about I felt like "she was unique and maybe I will never meet anyone like her again." I was right, but the reasons I left or they left me proved to me we were not compatible. I may not have met someone like them, but I met others who match my personality better, and as a result I was happier.

The choice of going back to him or not is yours. But, is being hurt by him really worth the kind of comfort he provides? If not then it is probably a good idea not to stay involved with him. There are guys out there who would provide that support without these kinds of hassles.

Just to give you some hope though, my girlfriend was quite possibly the most socially awkward person in the school, and I found her adorable. And over all the "fan girls" (what my friends mockingly called the flock of ladies I attracted and had no interest in) I picked her, and we have been together for almost three years. Opportunities can find you as much as you look for opportunity.

Hoped something in there helped.

 

[Avarice]

Hey, thank you both for the replies. I know he doesn't deserve a second chance, let alone a forty-fifth chance (about the number of chances he's had, really). It's probably best to just try staying friends and see what happens in the distant future. At least that way I'm neither lonely or being hurt if he's keeping things from me again. That's only if he returns though, or if he even wants to.

Thanks for your help, and that's a lovely heartwarming story, Unwilling. It has definately given hope. =]

 

[cult logic]

Well, good luck with whichever route you opt for. =)