Advice for a hopeless man

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Multiple Man, Feb 15, 2010.

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  1. Multiple Man

    Multiple Man Well-Known Member

    Im 31. I have suffered from depression and anxiety disorders for as long as I can remember. I spent 11 years going through many types of treatments and spending a small fortune on medication, therapists, hospital stays, and group therapy. Nothing help significantly to improve my ability to cope and combat my illness. I stopped treatment because it wasnt working and I cant afford it anymore. I was also dropped from my insurance as well. My condition has quite simply destroyed my life. All my dreams. All my hopes. Goals, relationships, oppurtunities, everything. I cant necessarily blame it all on that. I lacked courage to face my condition head on. I folded to every anxiety attack. I isolated myself more and more. The condition created prison bars around me. And that basically how I live. In a mental prison. Im alone all the time and live in a very narrow world. Im sure i contributed alot to the severity of what im going through. And I deserve to be in this posistion. Having mental problems causes you not be able to make sound and simple decisions. Every mistake or lost oppurtunity is critical. Ive failed in life and I know I have to live with the consequences despite a lifelong battle with anxiety and depression.

    I dont know if this is the best place for advice but I just wanted to get opinions of those who have been through the horrors of depression and anxiety and can give me advice on how to survive on my own and share their own stories and ways to cope. Im lost. Im an uneducated, sick, obese man. Ive never had a real job per se. Ive been a car detailer and janitor for 12 years basically because its an isolated job where I can be alone and work and I cant do anything else around other people. I have severe social anxiety and slight agoraphobia. I can barely go to the store most times. The company that I work for is declining. I have to do something else. The hardest part about having mental illness is that noone is going to care about what problems you have at work or anything else. Business is business. Only the strong survive. Its hard to compete with built in disadvantages. I need to know how someone who lives with severe depression and anxiety can be able to function and make it in this world.

    I cant apply for disability. As I was told mental illness is very difficult to apply for in disability. Because it is looked at as treatable and not a permanent affliction. I have 11 years on the contrary. I really have no life, no family, no real passion for living. Im not living. There is nothing I can really offer the world. Im unattractive and cant really offer anything to anyone. Im just a spectator. Hoping the movie will just end soon. Im not a strong person. I know I have no chance at a normal life. But I still have to live. I still have to be here. I still have to suffer through it. I know there are stronger people on this board who has spent many years living with anxiety and depression and Im just hoping for advice from anyone on how to cope and move on.
     
  2. Shattered Soldier

    Shattered Soldier Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum! I think the best thing about this place is first, finding that you are not alone in the desolation that you feel, and second, you can write it all out knowing that it will at least be read and replied to. There are alot of advice givers on this forum as well which is great. Meaning you'll get lots of advice to sort out and maybe just one thing within the multitudes of suggestions you might just be able to find something that will be able to work for you. I too have tried all of the conventional means of dealing with depression, anxiety, fears, etc. I think my favorite piece of advice is kind of an NA/AA/Depression hybrid. Live one day at a time. If you can't, then decide to live one hour at a time. Since you're here, I guess you may be considering suicide, so: What I do is procrastinate on it. I tell myself that I won't kill myself today, maybe I'll do it tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, I make the same promise. If I need something to do in the meantime I post on the forums, hoping that the one answer, or one piece of advice I was looking for comes through on somebody else's post, or better yet, comes out through my own writing. I'm glad you showed up, your post has alot in common with what I've been writing here, and telling my family for ages!
     
  3. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome. You'll find many people who can understand and support u here.

    I admire your will to live and strength to keep going on. Have hope.

    Texaskittty
     
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