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Advice for a (Potentially) Suicidal Boyfriend?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Emma Leigh, Jul 18, 2016.

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  1. Emma Leigh

    Emma Leigh New Member

    Help me, please. My boyfriend of 5 months has been having suicidal thoughts recently, and I don't know what to do. Our relationship was perfect for the first few months, but as we got more serious, he started telling me about his struggles in the past, including the last time he seriously contemplated suicide. I always listened and reassured him, and he honestly seemed happier for a while. Things got hard again because I'm leaving for my first year of college in a few weeks, and he's still in high school. I wanted to leave with a clean slate and no worries about maintaining a long distance relationship. He, on the other hand, took it to mean that HE had somehow messed up our relationship and it was all his fault. He has a severe inferiority complex and refuses to see a psychiatrist for it. I assured him that it wasn't his fault, and then he started blaming me for ruining everything, and consistently took hits at my recent struggles with anxiety. He's an only child and has had problems with both his parents, who he doesn't think understand him. He doesn't have any close friends in school, and has a fear of loneliness and abandonment. Now, he once again thinks that he's not enough, he always feels out of place in the world, and he doesn't believe he has any worth, despite my constant reassurance. He really doesn't want to be alive, and has said more than once that I'm the reason he's still here. He made me promise not to tell anybody. I begged him to see someone about his suicidal thoughts, or let me talk to his mother, he refused, and said that because I even asked, I've broken his trust. He's wonderful, brilliant, and incredibly talented, and I truly do love him, but I don't know what to do.

    Side Note: His father is a diagnosed schizophrenic, but he is not. However, he somethimes believes he has connections or communications with people who are aren't alive. I've always accepted it as part of who he is, but I'm worried it could somehow be connected to his recent troubles
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Emma and welcome to the forums, first off he has no idea how lucky a girlfriend he has, you are amazing and doing all you can to help him. I admire your efforts to keep him safe and sound, however most likely he can only get better if he wants to get better. No one can do it for him however having a doctor and a therapist could make him a whole new person and I think he needs both right now, to be assessed and treated. I'm no doctor but I have been reading these boards for 9 years and I can see when someone needs help and now. I am glad for one thing though, that he felt he was able to open up to you about his suicidal thoughts, if he went to therapy he could build up that same trust and talk and listen and learn from them. You are such a good friend and girlfriend to him. Ask him if you can see the therapist with him or go along to the doctors with him. He's so lucky to have such a caring gf! I wish you both the best of luck, hugs and stay safe! Oh another thing that just popped into my mind is are there any depression support groups or organisations around where you live, if you don't know then google is your friend!! :)
  3. AsahiBushi

    AsahiBushi Member

    I wish my girlfriend back then had done this, seriously. My suggestion would be to stand by him but making sure that you can't fix his life by yourself and that he shouldn't take you for granted. With that done, I think you can do some real good to him or, at least, prevent further harm which is already a win. Distract him, make him realize that he has to be worth something to be dating somebody else, let him know that seeking help is by no means something to be embarassed of (Tell him: "Sweety, we go to the doctor for every ****ing organ in our body, isn't the brain another organ as well? Don't we take pills for our stomach or our muscles, why not for the brain?"). And love. Lot's of sticky, nauseating, God-I-envy-you-two-so-much love!

    I can sympathize with him but, unlike him, my significant other wasn't as awesome and decided to ditch me for somebody else after five years, something that has left on me an impression that's making me doubt my whole confidence in the world and the very notion of meaning. Tough ****, I tell ya. Think about it: if you have a good car and it breaks down, do you send it to the junkyard or to the mechanic? Well, that's what you have to consider.

    Is he really wonderful, brilliant and talented? Then don't ditch him just yet. Your company may very well be the only sliver of sanity and hope he has in this world and things CAN get better for him and for you. In my case, things were getting better really fast...and then BOOM! CHAO! Of course, if things get too dark (I dunno, he tries to harm you or begins to abuse drugs) you have all the rights to say "Ok, this car is way much more trouble than it's ever gonna be worth it" and part ways, in the interest of your own mental health. But until that happens...please just give that guy a hug and tell him you love him. I know I'd give my left nut to receive such a thing from her...
  4. LastAcorn99

    LastAcorn99 New Member

    Hello, Emma! Your boyfriend is lucky to have such a caring girlfriend like you. But he needs professional help. If he is unwilling to seek help by himself, maybe you can offer to accompany him to see a counselor and get the assistance he needs. Keep us posted, okay?
  5. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I hope you do not let him get away with attacking and blaming you for HIS problems.

    The best way to get over fears that you described him as having, is direct confrontation, and you still being there afterwards.
    AsahiBushi likes this.
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