Advice for the socially anxious and hermits like me.

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by Brandon Kwon, Mar 21, 2016.

  1. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    So here's a bit of backstory. I've never been a "social butterfly" as the saying goes. But as a child I was actually pretty sociable. In kindergarten I had a few friends, throughout most of my childhood I had friends and the last real life friend I had was when I was about...13. And the odd thing about that last friend was, I actually went up and talked to HER. Not the other way around. But after I moved back to Nevada where I currently reside I became reclusive, no one pushed me to be social offline so I just stuck to being social online. I developed fears of people, I never really understood where these fears came from and I still don't. I've never really had any bad experiences with people in real life outside of people yelling at each other and my stepdad having a drunken freakout and throwing shit around the kitchen because I didn't take the trash out. But that just made me fear drunk people...And I already had social anxiety before that.

    I've never understood where my fears came from, but even so, I find isolation and hermitage is more damaging than it is healing. Isolation is a temporary fix, a bandage on a wound that needs to be sutured. It only slows the bleeding, doesn't stop it. The advice I've received on here and in real life recently has really shown me the light of how to combat my social anxiety. The advice? Just go out. Simple as that.

    "Just go out?" One might ask. Yes! Go anywhere! The library, a cafe, the park. Anywhere. Doesn't matter. And you don't have to walk around and talk to people right away. Hell, even I'm not there yet. Just go out, sit there, go to a coffee shop and do stuff on your laptop/tablet. Go to the park and stare at the sky for 3 hours. (I look forward to doing this myself soon.) Just get used to being around people. Hell, you can do what I do, subtly observe people. You might find that they aren't as scary as you thought. Over time you may get used to being around people and might start talking to them. And if you frequent one place a lot, someone might come up to you, curious as to why you're always there alone. But no worries, for now, just go out and just quietly observe. That's what I do. And honestly, just knowing I plan to go out soon made me so much happier. I didn't feel trapped and isolated anymore. I've made more and more plans to go out and I feel great about it. Confident even. Once you make the plans and you know you have the ability to leave the cell you created for yourself, you will find some confidence in yourself you never found before.

    This is just some advice that was given to me by kind souls on this forum and my mother and I decided to put it here and add my own experience onto it. Hopefully it helps my fellow socially anxious hermits.
    CandleLight, Inanimate and JmpMster like this.
  2. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I hope this advice and your attempts at improving situation socially work. It is all solid advice as is is impossible (or nearly so) to meet peopel without taking that first step of actually going to where it is possible to meet them. I wish you success and hope that you do keep us updated on how it is going for you.
    CandleLight likes this.
  3. Brandon Kwon

    Brandon Kwon Banned Member

    Thank you :) I will keep you guys updated for sure
  4. Inanimate

    Inanimate Well-Known Member

    This is actually quite doable, lol. I used to be very anxious about going to the gym, not really because I was worried about being judged as I'm exercising, or being judged for my physique, but mainly because I'd be in public. Over the course of 6 months, my social anxiety, at least from specifically going to the gym, has decreased significantly. Really, nowadays, I hardly worry about social interaction and simply being around people at the gym. I mean, the most I'd do there, socially, is acknowledge certain people's presence--I wouldn't initiate a conversation, at least not yet. Not only have I allowed myself to be around people, but I've had a solid reason to be there--exercise, so my confidence has gradually increased in two ways. A next step for me would be going back to college, or (start) working... ugh. I still want to take a few more baby steps, like driving... *fetal position*

    Anyway, thank you for the advice. I didn't think about "going out in public" that way until now.
    CandleLight and Brandon Kwon like this.