Advice needed: me vs inlaws

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by RySp123, Oct 31, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Talk of being trapped. Here's the situation. I am physically and mentally ill... each playing a role on the other and vice versa. Few weeks back someone found me passed out in my car and obviously called emergency (to bad).

    Problem is this today. I am 'told' my father in law needs someone at home with him all of next week on account that he is having surgery on tuesday, day surgery on one eye therefore he will not be able to go out, 'daily', to do grocery etc.... and his wife is let say less then motivated to deal with life and else...... when it come to whatever that is not 'her own needs n liking'.
    She is ill and recognize her problems yet she is using it when convenient and we all know it.

    MY problem is that I have fixed apointments with specilists on the 5th and 7th and as we all know it, to get to see them is not easy and waiting period are long..... fortunately the specialists booked me in on short notice as my case requires immediate attention due to fw weeks back story as stated at the beginning of this post.

    I found out that my person is requested for the whole next week and that I am expected to give up everything for my father in law. The comment was : " Any apointment can be postponed so it is not a problem".

    How are you to get it through that MY LIVE and HEALTH should come first and not a third party as dear as he can be?

    Problem is that this third party has been helping us financially in time of need and now used against me when it come to please or be there for them; exp. when one of htem wants time out, got to be ready to take over.... so not always for urgent or necessary needs even though i do go for other reasons as well.

    To me it seems that inlaws health and welfare and else always pass before mine and always and still getting the best of me.... feeling as if I had less worth then them.

    I must specify here that passing before me have affected both my physical and mental state so knowing the price I'd pay down the line, and it will be heavy knowing iit first hand, I sure don't understand how I can still be asked to go against my best interests to be 'there' for inlaws as they are there when needed (and convenient I should say if i want to be honest). Stuck between a rock and a wall right?

    Anyone has that feeling? I am holding up not to get through with my planning day out but today sure is not helping me in not giving in. My main reason to postpone an inevitable outcome is that specialists assure me they can still help me somehow yet cant cure me, but already a start if there is a chance to have a decent life style.

    How would you go about it? I've tried for years to get this straighen out yet failed to get it through someone's mind..... and today is a drop too many.
    HELPPPPPPPPPP who comes first? I am not a 'me myself and I' but there is a limit or am all that messed up mentally?

    As time passes since I firts posted this I am growing in axiety and soon will need meds to calm down or end up in crisis.......... can anyone advize me please??????
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2007
  2. firelizardee

    firelizardee Active Member

    can you explain to your inlaws that you h ave to go to these appointments because getting another one is going to be difficult and it is important for your own health that these appointments go ahead.

    Yes you'd like to help but its very difficult to get these appointments.

    Offer to be with your FIL on the days you do not have an appointment. Surely its time for others to come and help out and not leave it to someone who also has an illness.

    Its awful of them to play the guilt card on you as regards being helped financially, but you did not think it came with strings.
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I have tried in the past firelizardee and was called an ingrate after all they have done for us (and for 'me') even though a price was attatched to the returning either money or else compensation. Interest are running long with them and they sure know how to play that card....... which seems natural to my partner but not to me. Rather a loan at the bank then etenal reminder of their 'helping us' for years to no end.

    I could go down on tuesday, come back home in the evening, go to my apt. on wed. and back right after to their place but that means lots of traveling and not living near them at all..... without mentioning the costs on my health and those in doing those back and forth which would be an argument with my partner. I must avoid tireness at all cost and that would not be the case doing it but better that then miss my apts for sure..... out of two evils, would choose the lessen but by all god why can't they think of others and not only of themselves? :sad:

    Will try that road and see if for a change it will be accepted even though I already know the answer but worth a try. Will let know what will happen then.

    As for the inlaws the understanding of 'my' needs and obligations are brushed away as not important. Family comes first in their book, but family means blood related and I am not blood related to them, only by marriage so..... countless :sad: (and tolerated out of being out of choice in that) Why are people so selfish? Beats me!

    I am really wrong as I am always there in time of need, often going out of my limits and ways to be there and help them, needed or not? But not returned so that makes me what at their eyes? Really wondeering believe me.
    Last edited: Oct 31, 2007
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.