i've been thinking about this tonight alot, i was already angry over issues i posted on the crisis board but now i've got something else disturbing me... this is a very touchy issue with me and i feel very awkward sharing it as in the past others have taken it badly... ive admitted more than once that i am involved in a same sex relationship with another, and have only recently admitted to my family that i have feelings for this woman... i have absolutely no interest in men, even though i was married once to one.. i tried for the sake of being "normal" in my family's eyes, as well as to get the hell out of their home, to make this relationship with the ex husband work.. it didn't.. for reasons in the crisis board post.. anyway family keeps insisting that my lack of interest in men is because i've had a bad experience with my ex and that it's just a passing phase.. IT IS NOT A PASSING PHASE! ive explained that to them over and over.. being with a man again simply isnt happening EVER.. i enjoy male friends, buddies, and have a few that i confide in on that level but romantically it's not happening regardless of what my family wants.. i hinted for years that i had feelings for my female other half, they just waved hands and blew it off, or shoved their religion down my throat.. telling me id burn in hell, that god destroy sodom and gomorrah and will destroy ME for such a vile thing as being intimate with a female... on and on, they are always off on gays and lesbians and saying hateful horrible things about them.. which makes me feel horrible in turn because the people i SHOULD be able to be open with make me feel like i'm some horrible person simply because i fell in love with someone of the same sex.. now im learning to ignore the gay bashing comments and i followed the advice of a spiritual healer friend who told me to just open up and tell them the truth, and i did so... YES i feel better for telling them who i love, that this isnt a passing phase and i explained to them ive lived a lie for 13 years of my life and how painful it was... see i do NOT feel female mentally, spiritually, emotionally or energy wise, but rather a male trapped in a body that is not his, and that he does not belong in... anyway to make a very long story shorter, my family claims they'll accept me and not cast me out like they threatened to before if they found out i was gay, BUT their accepting my gender identity has its RULES... i can be gay all i want but they expect me to only have FRIENDS female wise, if i pursue a relationship with a woman they threatened to ban me from ever seeing my daughter again... grandmother said she knows it's lonely without a partner but that God forbids this, it's evil and wrong and that they wont condone it at all.. if i choose to be intimate with a woman ill not be allowed to see my daughter ever again... basically they expect me to live a life devoid of any intimate contact at all, to merely have friends and be happy in that.. which to me is not fair at all :sad: my gender identity was not a choice at all... if so i wouldnt have chosen to endure such pain emotionally.. id have opted for something far easier.. now i truly do love the woman i am involved with..heart and soul, every facet and fiber of her soul i am deeply in love with and have been for years.. she accepts me and sees who i am INSIDE even if whats on the outside doesnt match... Ive read plenty of websites, and scientific articles on gender orientation and honestly what ive read is that most who are in the position i am, feeling trapped in the wrong body actually have a chemical reason for that.. that during their mother's pregnancy there wasnt enough male hormones at the critical time when a fetus is changed from female to male, somehow the supply gets shorted and what happens is a female who FEELS and ACTS male, or vice versa, a male that gets too much female hormone and their chemical makeup is oriented to female.. it's a medical fact from blood tests ive had done that even my body shows signs of this as ive got high testosterone levels, higher than what normal females have... in other words i didnt ask to be born this way.. i just was.. and if god is so against gays why was i made this way? a child comes into the world INNOCENT, does that mean children born like me without a choice in their orientation were born damned by God? destined to fire and brimstone? the problem being my family's threat of banning me from contact with my child simply because they personally do not agree with my sexual orientation... :sad:does anyone else think this is wrong? to ban someone from seeing their child over an issue that is based on their personal dislike of my identity?