Advice needed

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by blackfire, Dec 19, 2006.

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  1. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I was talking to a friend about how life can sometimes suck. As we talked she told me over the phone that she had been raped by a guy at college. I told her to report it and she said she didn't want to. She lives in another state during the school year. I know she feels violated and used. Should I tell her parents? What should I do?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    No, this has to be her decision. Know its hard to stay out of it but it really has to come from her.
    What she needs is an ear and a shoulder to cry on. Try to get her to talk about it and let it all out. Then maybe suggest she see a rape crisis counsellor.
  3. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    thank you,

    i will talk to her about it and see what she says. it is hard for me to stay out of it. i want to pumble the guy who did it.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    well I have no probs with u paying him a visit with large baseball bat in hand
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2006
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Support your friend in any way you can. There may be many hard days ahead for her. Things she may not even realize. The decision to tell others should belong solely to her, but you can encourage her to tell her parents or someone that may be able to offer her guidance in coping with this issue. It is important that she talks about how she feels and doesn't keep it bottled up insided. It will only come back to haunt her later. Let us know how she is doing. Take care of you and her. :hug:
  6. deathfilled

    deathfilled Member

    Can I help with the baseball bat thing?!:biggrin: well, I agree with what they are saying, you should leave it up to her, and then support her in whatever she chooses to do.
  7. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for your support and kind words. I talked to her and she wants to just let it be for now. Like you all said, it has to come from her if she wants to tell anyone. I will just be there for support.
  8. allofme

    allofme Staff Alumni

    it is good that u r there for her
    do you think she will see a therapist...
    if not do you think you can get her to call a rape hot line..
    she can get specific trama related support from ppl who have been where she is now... she wont have to say who or where she is...
    the sooner she deals with it the better...
    rape is something that will not just go away ....

    u r a good friend... she told you so she trusts you... and she will need your suport
  9. crazy

    crazy Well-Known Member

    i agree with allofme about the rape hotline....i have been through similar years ago and still struggle with what happened to me i find the rainn hoteline and site to be very helpful....they dont make you say your name, not even first, nor do they even try to figure out what state you are in
  10. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    crazy and allofme
    thanks for the suggestions. i will see what she thinks about calling a hotline. It maybe would be the best. then she woul dbe completely anonmous and still get help. take care.
  11. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    she told me to leave her alone and to forget she ever told me. she never wants to talk to me again. i just wanted to help her that is all.
  12. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    Sorry about your friend. You sound like such a caring friend to help her out with this. Maybe she just needs a little time to herself and then she will talk to you again. She may be isolating herself from everyone not just you. You are a good friend to care so much.
  13. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    I still feel like shit though.
  14. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    It's hard to feel like you are losing a friend. Maybe she just needs time. She must've really trusted you to tell you what happened to her.
  15. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    yeah we are pretty close.
  16. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Try not to get too upset. This kind of thing sends women flying off in all directions. Upset, angry, disgusted, self disgust etc.. and you know about it, so she may not be able to handle that at the mo.

    Give her space and wait it out. If she's a true friend she'll come back.
  17. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    thanks devastated. i will take your advice.
  18. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    hey blackfire, I'm sorry that you lost your friend when you were just trying to help. I know how that is...I hope she comes around and turns him in, and that you guys can repair your friendship. much love, Songie
  19. Stray Kitten

    Stray Kitten Active Member

    I was abducted and raped just over a year ago, and I didn't report it, either.

    I was 18 at the time, and I'd only just moved back in with my father after being estranged from him for six years. I didn't want him to find out, and I didn't want to have to re-live and re-tell every sick, disgusting detail to some police-officer I didn't know, or be examined by a doctor. I never told my counselor about it because I couldn't, and still can't, bring myself to discuss it out loud.

    I don't think feeling like this is uncommon. You shouldn't attempt to push her into it, reporting rape is like having to go through it again. Perhaps she doesn't want to have to describe what happened, or doesn't want it getting out, or other people in college knowing. It's her decision, and you need to respect that. I'm sure she won't thank you for reminding her about it if you keep asking her to take action.
  20. fallen-star

    fallen-star Member

    Just be there for her and let her mention it if she ever needs to talk. Pushing it in her face and telling her what to do isnt gonna help she is the only one who can say what she needs right now. She obviously trusted you a lot to tell you in the first place so keep the trust and let her know she has your support but its her decision, otherwise just be the normal good friend you have always been.
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