Advice on family issues for this widow

A_J_R

Well-Known Member
#22
I have an update about my situation. I asked my sister to choose a picture of my late husband for his obituary. I couldn't bear to look at his image at this time. She picked a picture of someone else. I don't know why she is being so cruel. I had to ask the newspaper to delay the publication of the obituary while my grieving stepdaughter has to take another picture to the newspaper. How could someone be so cruel?
OMG. That's absolutely horrible. And yes, very cruel. I'm so sorry. Hopefully you can fully cut ties soon. I mean, that is up to you, but how toxic and insensitive.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#25
I have an update about my situation. I asked my sister to choose a picture of my late husband for his obituary. I couldn't bear to look at his image at this time. She picked a picture of someone else. I don't know why she is being so cruel. I had to ask the newspaper to delay the publication of the obituary while my grieving stepdaughter has to take another picture to the newspaper. How could someone be so cruel?
Oh my 🤬 !!
I had to read your post twice. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Well, I actually had people that cruel in my family, and many outside, so I can actually fathom this happening, but it's a downright bold and offensive provocation. That amount of disrespect is
It's..🤬🤬🤬😭
I don't have words. I back you up. I want to punch her in the face where does she live.
I don't even understand how you are keeping it together right now. I wish I'd seen this sooner, I'm sorry it's been days. How are things now? Because if any action previously had called for her to be kicked out of your life, I think this has to be the last. This is absolutely horrifying behaviour.
 
#26
I have an update about my situation. I asked my sister to choose a picture of my late husband for his obituary. I couldn't bear to look at his image at this time. She picked a picture of someone else. I don't know why she is being so cruel. I had to ask the newspaper to delay the publication of the obituary while my grieving stepdaughter has to take another picture to the newspaper. How could someone be so cruel?
I thought she was out of your life? I wouldn't ask her for anything ever again! The fact that she would accuse you of "doom and gloom" 2 WEEKS after your husband died is inexcusable. I would say it takes 2 YEARS to fully recover from the death of a spouse.
Check out Dr. Todd Grande on Youtube, about narcissism. Sounds like your sister would qualify.

My mother gave me a hard time over mourning the death of my best friend, whom I'd met online and never knew in person because he was on another continent. We talked almost daily and were so close I called him my little brother and he called me his big sister. She said she wasn't sure why it took me a day or two to get over losing a long-distance friendship. I almost told her I was ten times closer to him than to you!
Yes, my mother is a narcissist too. Everything is all about her.
 

DawnS

Active Member
#27
She submitted the pic before we had our falling out. I haven't called her or spoken to her. She did text me about a package she sent me. I just answer her text as "o.k.", "yes" or "no". This is her typical behavior. My stepdaughter went to see her and my mom. My mom wanted to talk to me. The talk was brief. I really don't have anyone to talk to.
 

DawnS

Active Member
#29
Thank you so much, SF. I have NOONE. I've never felt so alone. My only friend is my neighbor who I hang out with. She's a widow too and disabled. My sister has a typical M.O.: she acts like nothing happened because she's so used to getting her own way. But she crossed the line for good here. I really don't ever want to talk to her again. My mother is "worried about me". But I really don't want to talk to her, either. Or any of my family at this point. Any advice? I don't want the police coming to my door for a "wellness check" (bet everyone here knows what that is). Thank you again, everyone here. I am suffering.
 
#30
My mother is "worried about me". But I really don't want to talk to her, either
I wonder if you could send a message to your mother and communicate that you want some time out from her, like a month or two, something like that, if that's what you want. I'm not sure if you want to cut ties with her altogether, but she might go along easily with leaving you alone for a while.

I don't want the police coming to my door for a "wellness check" (bet everyone here knows what that is)
I'm not sure if there is any way to prevent these. Maybe a lawyer could help with this.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#35
I thought she was out of your life? I wouldn't ask her for anything ever again! The fact that she would accuse you of "doom and gloom" 2 WEEKS after your husband died is inexcusable. I would say it takes 2 YEARS to fully recover from the death of a spouse.
Check out Dr. Todd Grande on Youtube, about narcissism. Sounds like your sister would qualify.

My mother gave me a hard time over mourning the death of my best friend, whom I'd met online and never knew in person because he was on another continent. We talked almost daily and were so close I called him my little brother and he called me his big sister. She said she wasn't sure why it took me a day or two to get over losing a long-distance friendship. I almost told her I was ten times closer to him than to you!
Yes, my mother is a narcissist too. Everything is all about her.
This happened to me too and I agree about the narcissism entirely. When my brother from another mother passed,.I was told the day after to get over it and treated like our relationship did not matter. I don't know if I mentioned this on this thread or not yet, but I can 100% relate. And it does take a long time to grieve a spouse or anyone close and nobody can say how long is right for anyone. It's been nine years since my brother's death and I still grieve..
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#36
Thank you so much, SF. I have NOONE. I've never felt so alone. My only friend is my neighbor who I hang out with. She's a widow too and disabled. My sister has a typical M.O.: she acts like nothing happened because she's so used to getting her own way. But she crossed the line for good here. I really don't ever want to talk to her again. My mother is "worried about me". But I really don't want to talk to her, either. Or any of my family at this point. Any advice? I don't want the police coming to my door for a "wellness check" (bet everyone here knows what that is). Thank you again, everyone here. I am suffering.
I get it. I think the best advice is what @Lady Wolfshead suggested, which is to learn about narcisstic abuse and npd immidiately..that info should help support your decisions, lift up your self worth again and your defenses..it may help you understand your mom and rest of the family too and help you know how to or how NOT to interact with them anymore.
I know the lonliness, the alienation, the isolation but I also understand the need to not have contact and to not be ina position where you have to deal with this level of disrespect. You owe nobody anything, this behaviour is dangerous and unacceptable. Right now what matters is you. Pamper the hell out of yourself..tell your neighbor you need a little more support right now, take your grievances to here for a bit and try learning ab the psych warfare being enacted on you. I posted something on my thread "it's the darkest it's ever been" if you want to read ..it's ab narcisstic abuse.
And find an outlet for the anger and rage she has caused you. Don't hold it in, and don't take it out on yourself. Here for ya.
 

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