Advice on how to do it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by cmgames, Jan 5, 2008.

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  1. cmgames

    cmgames Member

    I have been feeling depressed for many years, have had trouble holding onto people, as soon as i get close to them, i become dependant and in the end drive them away till they dont want to know me anymore. I can't carry on like this, have no friends, social status is non existent, job status is rubbish. Working for work sake, i get up every morning and i still have the same thoughts in my head. If only I had friends, if only i had a relationship, if only i could change. Change, i've tried so many things, counselling, cbt, hypnotherapy, etc etc but all to no avail. Every year is the same, it just gets worse and reminds me of what a non existent life i've lead. I could carry on with my life as it is, be happy to have no friends, sit around TV all day or do working out, but for what? Is there any reason to it all because I've had enough of it now. I wish i could be like others, "life and soul", "feeling greatful for being alive", "be outgoing and up for a laugh" but im not. I'm sad, miserable and the change i've tried and tried for has not happened and wont happen.

    So i want to know what ways to do it, is it by jumping off a cliff and if so what are the best places to do it; if its by taking something what do i need to take? I don't want to attempt to do something and then wake up one day in a mental hospital because i fucked up the attempt.
     
  2. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    NO ONE on this site will give you information like this.

    This is a pro life forum.
     
  3. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    I can relate to how you feel. I think I myself am too clingy and too needy. right now I am that way because my 2 and only friends moved away and i am soo lonely. the people that i loved are deceased, have been for ten years now. like now i am looking for a job, but the idea of going to work everyday and coming home with noone to talk to, laugh with is very daunting and depressing. when my friends were here their was hope i felt hopeful for the future, now i feel blah,blah,blah. it took me 4 years to build those friendships and now their gone and i think that people can see me coming, like they say, oh heres that lonely girl, with no friends, lets run away she is too needy, why is she 38 with no support around her, well because i keep moving around, trying to find happiness. this time i moved trying to be closer to my family thinking that maybe they had changed, maybe they could love me now, or show some support, but i am asking too much. You now for xmas my father gave me and my son 200 dollar gift cards, but do you know the last time he has called me? three years ago! I would much rather get a phone call anyday. how do you give someone you dont even call, a giftcard? he's done this all my life, he never call's. didnt mean to talk so much but i understand your lonliness.
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear that the things you have tried to help yourself have not worked for you. i am glad that you found us and chose to tell us about some things. We will offer you support in your fight to stay alive, but as a pro life site, we will not give you any advice or information on how to end your life. Give us a chance to support you. Maybe together we can fin some solutions that make you want to keep fighting for life. Take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  5. cmgames

    cmgames Member


    we are opposite in that where u have moved around i have stayed in the same place, my family i still live with. Maybe if i could move around then i could find some semblance of happiness, to be free or maybe i would feel the same way like you.

    there are 3 ways my life can go, they can continue to stay in the same way and making me feel more depressed, alone and inadequate. To try and change, with or without assistance, which i have tried over the years and without success or to end it.

    i'm not as scared now to do it, the moral compass on that has now passed. its just the case of how and will it be permanent. i have narrowed down my search 2 two options and both seem like they would need abit of work. so its all about can i put my ass in gear to finally do it, do i have the bottle ?

    the thing with this is it's not a passing phase, it's an ongoing thing and with my life being the way it is, i could havee moments where i get myself "up" and feel like life is worth living for awhile. But then i'd look around and think, what do i actually have apart from myself? no gf, no friends, etc etc. theres no real support network where i can say, these ppl are here for me. yes i have family, but family ties arent the same as other ties. i dont have ties to othre people because no one wants to know me.

    what kind of a life is that to have no friends, no one to share the good and the bad with. no one to make u laugh, smile, cry, its sad because i yearn for it and yet i dont have it.
     
  6. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    you know,you can talk here, if youre sad, if youre happy, you can pm me if you ever want to chat, tell me what's going on in your life, im here if you need to talk, and this is a great place to talk, im hopeing this will help me too :cool: . About the moving, im not moving anymore, it only makes things worse, if i did move it would be to the city that i lived in in california for 9 years, i really miss it there, the weather is beautiful and its new there, not like here, all dreary, im in the midwest, snow, cold weather, it was really hard coming here from california. i have to get ready for work, pm me if youd like :smile:
     
  7. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    like what sam said this is pro life we can't give u any advice :hug: if u wanna talk i'm here for you :hug:
     
  8. LonelyTraveler

    LonelyTraveler Well-Known Member

    heheheheh, ah yes, the whole "pro-life forum" spiel. To that I say, "what life?" How sadistic can a person be to suggest that someone should carry on with a life of torturous loneliness? I've got too big a heart to do that. I'm too grounded in reality to think that everyone is meant to be happy, because I've found that it's simply not true. Some of us are meant to die and I believe that many people suffer needlessly because they don't accept it. We that are meant for death suffer when 'pro-lifers" try to keep us alive with false hope. And the "pro-lifers" suffer because they can't fix us. It's a stalemate.

    If you found this place on the internet, you can find what you're looking for.
     
  9. cmgames

    cmgames Member

    it does feel torturous and it weighs heavy on me alot of the time. i have really given up on myself now, so many wasted yrs trying to change myself and finding im worse than i began. my hope in this site is just to find some solace and be able to have some company before the inevitable. its not fun doing things on your own and especially something i no is going to hurt and devastate my family
     
  10. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Don't kill yourself.

    About feeling lonely and having no social life, I know what thats like. Feeling all alone is a horrible feeling... It's so painful... But like most lonely people you get used to it. You get used to doing things by yourself.

    I haven't had a real friend, a friend I could actually be myself with for a long long time. Most friends I have now I barely spend time with. I'm just afraid of letting myself get attached to someone and then disappointing them and then they leave me.

    I'm neither happy or unhappy when I'm alone. It's just a blankness that really destroys all joy and fun. I've gotten so sick of fun things. Its hard to have fun when you have no one to share it with.

    If you want friends and relationships you'll just have to take the initiative to form them. Some people will be test friends and eventually you'll find a friend you just want to spend the whole day with.

    Don't give up on life just because you're lonely. Yes being lonely sucks, but if you try for sociality and go out and meet new people, eventually you will be happy. Everyone gets lonely. I hope you find someone to make that feeling go away.

    I hope you the best!
     
  11. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    How you describe your life in the post is identical to my life, as it is probably for many on this forum. No one will publicly give you advice on how to do it as suicide should be a personal choice. Everyone who thinks about topping themselves know what is the best way. You are quite right is saying you do not want to wake up on a pysch ward, they are so boring and soul destroying. I constantly batle with the thought of trying again and I ask myself why haven't I yet? I don't know why. If there is any doubt in your mind, then don't do it. If not, then it's your choice.
    Take care.
     
  12. cmgames

    cmgames Member

    i could just let it go, accept i have no real friends and carry on my day to day. but i feel like my emotions are stifled, cant enjoy happiness, just feel miserable. its hard and it weighs heavy on me, iv never wanted to giv up on life, neva wanted to b in this position. but heres were i find myself and unless i start growing some balls things will never change
     
  13. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    Don't let your emotions control your actions.
     
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