I have been feeling depressed for many years, have had trouble holding onto people, as soon as i get close to them, i become dependant and in the end drive them away till they dont want to know me anymore. I can't carry on like this, have no friends, social status is non existent, job status is rubbish. Working for work sake, i get up every morning and i still have the same thoughts in my head. If only I had friends, if only i had a relationship, if only i could change. Change, i've tried so many things, counselling, cbt, hypnotherapy, etc etc but all to no avail. Every year is the same, it just gets worse and reminds me of what a non existent life i've lead. I could carry on with my life as it is, be happy to have no friends, sit around TV all day or do working out, but for what? Is there any reason to it all because I've had enough of it now. I wish i could be like others, "life and soul", "feeling greatful for being alive", "be outgoing and up for a laugh" but im not. I'm sad, miserable and the change i've tried and tried for has not happened and wont happen. So i want to know what ways to do it, is it by jumping off a cliff and if so what are the best places to do it; if its by taking something what do i need to take? I don't want to attempt to do something and then wake up one day in a mental hospital because i fucked up the attempt.