advice or something?

[goodbye pork pie hat]

um..... this is going to sound really weird and awkward. i'm not used to talking about this shit.
a couple of months ago, i started seeing this guy. i thought he was really great. i stopped cutting and everything, and i've kind of been wrapped around his finger. i stopped cutting 'cause he asked me to. he really did. i haven't dated anyone in years.
now i feel like i have to practice what to say to him, and every time he comes around i forget all my stupid ass monologues i've written. he's such a prick. i don't know what to do. it's just that every time he's around, i feel like dying and i take him back and do his work for him. i know he's just using me and I try to tell myself that i deserve it, and maybe i do. i don't know. but he's like a fucking drug. he comes over and i tell him i love him. i really do. we made plans last week to go somewhere and he never showed up. the next day he had a massive fucking hickey right on his neck. i hate him so much, but i can't stop loving him. he's like a fucking disease.
i don't know what to do. i know this probably sounds really stupid. it seems sometimes like the more i suffer, the purer things should get, but that never happens. i wake up in the morning and my whole body is so sore and i haven't felt genuinely happy in so long i don't remember what it felt like. every day my thoughts drift to the noose, the knife, the gun... ANYTHING. i don't know what i should do.
i'm so sorry to whine to you all. i know i'm just one more idiot on the long and winding road and there's nothing anyone can do if i feel like shit other than say that they hope i get better soon. people tell me to snap out of it. i don't know.
i'm so sorry.

 

[aloner]

That guy sucks! Kick him to the curb and hold out for someone who is actually nice to you, does what they say they're going to do, and doesn't get hickeys from random sluts. At the very least.

 

[beauutyy]

i've been used alot and i will tell you they are NOT healthy andd the chances of the dude changing to just like you,and only you...are slim. because its hard for a person to change their lifestyle to the right thing,when the wrong is so much more fun i guess. ehh.idk boys act dumb sometimes. if it makes you feel better i shall shove 10 sharpies up his ass maybe he'll learn how to treat women better then.

andd also i agree with aloner, find or try to find someone who will treat you right. dont go along with this guy because he makes your heart melt or anything like that. any guy can do that. that's their speicality in purswaying people andd he's keeping you on this leash like a dog,and treating you like one. and,i know it's to let go,but things will be better for you in the end if you do.


<333

 

[Reki]

Get rid of him. And don't apologize, everyone needs a little help sometimes. Maybe you do not want to get rid of him because he is all that stands between you and heavy depression. Maybe you could make a few new guy friends and that may make it a bit easier to leave him. Guys are stubborn, they don't change easily, if you leave him he will probably come crawling back after he realizes he misses you and you can choose what to do from that point. Nothing, however, will change if you sit there and let him do what he wants, it just tells him that he can be the way he is and you will not have the guts to leave him. I would say prove him wrong and show him that you can do better.

 

[GoldenPsych]

No one deserves to be treated that. It seems as though he is using you and you should not put up with it. There are lots of other blokes out there who will support you and love you for who you are. You need to be yourself around who ever you are with. Don't let them make you in to someone you are not. So my advice dump this loser... and then revenge!!! Well maybe not but the best thing you can do is let him see you happy without him!!!!!

 

[Anime-Zodiac]

Ditch losers like that. You deserve better. You say he's like a drug right, well I can bet that when you meet a guy who is genuine, who is true and who respects you, then you will be head over heels.

 

[gentlelady]

I can only echo what the others have said. This is not a healthy relationship and will only get worse with time. Say goodbye to him and stop allowing him to control you. You do not need him or his type.

 

[goodbye pork pie hat]

thanks for your comments...
what it comes down to is that i just can't do it. even if i weren't afraid of what he'd do, i love him. he's one of the only people who has ever made me feel good about myself. i don't want to see him angry or upset......

 

[tourniquet77]

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