advice please asap

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by trfc06, Oct 17, 2012.

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  1. trfc06

    trfc06 Member

    im sorry to post this but really really need some help please. I have a fantastic wife and 3 lovely kids, no other family, but they are wonderfull. But i have spent the last 17 years pushing them away, doing horribile things and more. This led to me attempting suicide 4 weeks ago, this was no call for help. i really meant it, just circumstances meant that the police found me. After all the horribile things i did me and my wife are trying to work through it. But i have hurt her so much its unreal. Because of that she is finding it hard to trust me and is holding back from me a bit. but me, mr selfish, need her to be mine 100%, and because she isnt i am thinking about ending it all every day. I keep planning it, sorting out places where i wont be found etc, Buying in the stuff to do it. thinking about it 100s oftimes a day. it all seems so easy, the pain and lonliness will go and everyone will be better off once they get over the initial grief. Like i said i have no one to talk to at all, im seeking help, first appointment next week and i will tell them everything, and i meant everything. from when i was born and was told every day that they wished i hadnt been born etc. in my whole life no one has ever cared, not even a bit, that shows you how evil and shit i am. then my wife did care and i have hurt her so so much, and even at the end after all i have done, she saved me, so walked in and saved me and i woke up. for the first time i saw that someone did care and loved me, all my fault, she always did. but because i have hurt her i now might have really lost her. and the lonliness and pain is over whelming, it really really hurts. Findally reallised whats wrong with me and i will get all the help i can, but it might be too late with my lovely wife. Im a loud, apparently confident person, but i know im not really like that, i just act like that so no one knows how lonely i am, and they wont take the piss out of me for being so weak and a loser.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2012
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You need professional help, both in dealing with the suicidal thoughts that are overwhelming you from qualified mental health experts, and likely help in the form of marriage counseling form a qualified therapist. Call a hotline or take yourself to the hospital and deal with the first one first. This may well demonstrate to your wife you are accepting responsibility that some of the issues are yours and that you are trying to deal with them to make yourself better for her and for your family. Trust takes along time to earn and just as long to earn back - understand it and accept that you need to DO as opposed to SAY the right things.

    Everybody will not be better without you. Your children will feel abandoned by you and your wife will be filled with guilt for the rest of her life over your actions if you go through with killing yourself. If you want your wife to be happy then this is the worst possible alternative - you said you have her her so much it is unreal - this would be 100x worse than anything else you did and grief may pass but the guilt never would.

    Take Care and Be Safe

  3. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    If you truly love your wife and kids, and are sorry for what you have done to them, then you will not harm yourself. They will not "get over it". It will do them permanent damage. They will spend the rest of their lives feeling guilty, confused, hurt and angry. Is that really what you want?

    If you really want to make it up to them, then get help. Work on getting better, and being there for your family. I can't tell you whether or not you will be able to fix your marriage, but you can be a good man, and be there for your family.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Time to take the steps to show yourself and your wife you mean business you will get well and do everything in your power to get her trust back lst treatment for YOU and the family councilling either on your own or with your wife but do it. You have children who you need to set an example for show them how to reach out for support when one is not doing so well
    show them there are so many other avenues to take to get help without harming oneself hugs
  5. saiyukicloud

    saiyukicloud Member

    You have to show your wife that you love her, by loving yourself first. Take care of yourself, get the help you need. If you harmed yourself, how would you be able to take care of her? Love yourself, take care of yourself to show her that you can take care of her, you want to be there for her.

    Regret is something we all experience, you have been given a second chance to correct your regrets. Cherish that chance, and your family.
  6. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    I've felt the same way about hurting my fiance with my suicidal actions, and it did do certain damage to our relationship. But the best thing I ever did (and he also agrees) was to help my mental state first, above anything else. If you cannot learn to like (or love) yourself, then how can someone else? My fiance saw my determination to get help and he started trusting me again, we felt like we were back to "normal". Work on yourself, then you can begin to fix any damage to relationships you think you may have caused.
  7. trfc06

    trfc06 Member

    Thank you all so much for the replies, they do help, really. It all makes sense and seems the right thing to do. I dont want to hurt my lovely wife and kids ever again. But i cant stop the thoughts popping into my head, all the time. Even when im happy i find myself thinking it wont last so best to end it now before the pain comes back. And the guilt of what i did is eating me up inside, find myself going the loo all the time in work to stop myself from crying. I really really want all and any help i can get, and hope that she will bear with me through it all, and she is such a lovely person i know she will try. But i see what i have done to her in her face every day, and it kills me. And she is so beautifull, she gets a lot of attention off a lot of men. She cant see it at all, but she does. But she has never given me one reason to ever doubt her, in any way. But now im obsessed by them taking her off me, so so scared. I will get all and any help that is offered, and i will keep trying, but im sure all that are on this site know how hard it is to push through. Just need coping methods to help me keep positive, the last thing i want to do is bring her down all the time by walking round stressed and upset?
  8. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    If you can see a local therapist, I think they can help you with a lot of what you are feeling.

    In the meantime, why not try to change your thinking (not easy, but I truly believe it can be done). Each time you think of losing your wife/family, why not be thankful for the fact that you have such a lovely wife and family. Each time the negative though appears in your mind, push it out, and replace it with a thought of praise and gratitude for what you have.

    Each time you think of losing your happiness, replace that thought with one of how great you feel being happy. Simply refuse to allow the negative thoughts to stay put. In time you may find it easier and easier to keep the positive thoughts in your mind.

    There are no guarantees in life, but worrying about what may happen will never change what happens. You can enjoy and find pleasure in what you have. Just keep trying to retrain your mind to one of pleasure and gratitude, and find a counselor that can help you.

    Best of luck to you.
  9. alyssaswoon

    alyssaswoon Well-Known Member

    ^ I agree, I'm actually in the process of changing my mindset as I sit here.
    I've always been a very negative person and it's gotten me nowhere. Whenever I catch myself thinking, "I might as well kill myself now because something is going to ruin this feeling of happiness" I try to change that to thinking about how thankful that I am that I get to feel such happiness and thankful for the people that have an effect on that.
    Worrying that someone may steal your wife away from you shouldn't be on your mind, because if she's willing to be "stolen", was she really the great woman you thought she was? The stress of impending doom surrounding a significant other can often put more stress on your relationship than anything (speaking from personal experience). If something bad is going to happen it's going to happen regardless if you worry about it or not, so don't let it get you down.
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