im sorry to post this but really really need some help please. I have a fantastic wife and 3 lovely kids, no other family, but they are wonderfull. But i have spent the last 17 years pushing them away, doing horribile things and more. This led to me attempting suicide 4 weeks ago, this was no call for help. i really meant it, just circumstances meant that the police found me. After all the horribile things i did me and my wife are trying to work through it. But i have hurt her so much its unreal. Because of that she is finding it hard to trust me and is holding back from me a bit. but me, mr selfish, need her to be mine 100%, and because she isnt i am thinking about ending it all every day. I keep planning it, sorting out places where i wont be found etc, Buying in the stuff to do it. thinking about it 100s oftimes a day. it all seems so easy, the pain and lonliness will go and everyone will be better off once they get over the initial grief. Like i said i have no one to talk to at all, im seeking help, first appointment next week and i will tell them everything, and i meant everything. from when i was born and was told every day that they wished i hadnt been born etc. in my whole life no one has ever cared, not even a bit, that shows you how evil and shit i am. then my wife did care and i have hurt her so so much, and even at the end after all i have done, she saved me, so walked in and saved me and i woke up. for the first time i saw that someone did care and loved me, all my fault, she always did. but because i have hurt her i now might have really lost her. and the lonliness and pain is over whelming, it really really hurts. Findally reallised whats wrong with me and i will get all the help i can, but it might be too late with my lovely wife. Im a loud, apparently confident person, but i know im not really like that, i just act like that so no one knows how lonely i am, and they wont take the piss out of me for being so weak and a loser.