Advice please? - Dealing with a Horror Movie.

[Menchi]

Ok, a bit of background... Halloween coming up, as i'm sure we all know. And i'm sure that i wont be the only one going to see a scary film on halloween, its all part of the day for those of us too old to get away with trick or treating...

Anyway, the bad bit. My girlfriend is making me go and see Saw VI...
Basically, i'm fine with general scary movies, even horror type stuff... but have a problem when trying to watch sadistic or torturous pain, particularly when done by someone else, or forced to be inflicted upon oneself... and Saw in particular (though this extends to the likes of Hostel, and a few other films), as anyone who has seen it knows, that this is exactly and precisely what it is all about. And while my previous attempts at watching such things, have been at home, able to walk out at any time, shut my eyes, try to distract my attention with something else... in a cinema full of other people (who most, i'm guessing, will get enjoyment out of such things), it will be much harder to do... and in particular, the trailer for the new film (the non gruesome one), makes me relate a heck of a lot to one or two particular dreams i have had... now to see one of these things, and then have nightmares influenced by them is one thing (and my reaction from these dreams, as anyone who has seen me after one of them knows, is really awful, self harming, even suicidal, general lack of control of my head or my actions)... but the other way round, having a dream, something in my head, which was not what i had seen in these things... and then have it put forward as a film, and being in a position where i am almost forced to watch it... i'm not sure how much worse it will make me.

And because the girlfriend is effectively guilting me completely into going with her, despite my feelings (which i have told her, but she has dismissed, because she wants to go)... i can't not go.

So what i wondered i guess, is does anyone have any tips on how to try and reduce how this will effect me, any techniques, any ideas (have tried reading through the film online, what happens and stuff, hoping that being able to know in advance will help, and it may a little, but haven't got any more ideas than that)... it also means that i can kind of see the reaction coming, i can see being totally screwed up in my head, keeping it all inside till i'm locked in the room alone, then... well, flipping into a very dangerous mindset.

 

[shades]

Just a short answer at first. I think your g.f. should be a little more understanding of your feelings. I find these movies very disturbing in general and can see how they could be triggering for you.

The only people I see or hear in the theater that seem to be totally o.k. with it are the ones you hear shouting out jokes. So only if you can joke about it I would I say go for it. If not, I'd suggest against it.

 

[Remedy]

I agree with Shades, your girlfriend should be more supportive of you. Maybe when the worse scenes come on stare at the ceiling or below the screen? I know it won't block out the sounds.. but still. Or close your eyes? If it gets really difficult say you're going to the bathroom? Let us know how it goes. :hug:

 

[Menchi]

Well i pretty much accept there is no way of me changing how my girlfriend is, so i'm trying to focus on what i can deal with for now.

I think the thing thats worse is... well in those movies in particular, that my mind picks up on... well that... sadisticness of wanting to cause others pain, and the traps it causes, and how that relates to how i feel about causing my own pain, a mix of... it being so far out of what i think i could do, but... well still think it is a part of me too, and... well i guess i'm scared that i could inflict that pain on others, or on myself.

I'm trying to work out i guess, how to stop that feeling, and short of walking out (which i can't keep doing), i can't avoid the screams of pain, or the sight of it, without feeling self-conscious doing that in a public place... so a whole mix of issues bundled in with the one really!

Is there any way i could desensitise myself to it somehow or other?

 

[Datura]

Get a girlfriend who validates your feelings and isn't insensitive.

Since that advice will fall on deaf ears - the solution might be in viewing the film without your mind wandering. I don't understand why you have to look at the screen, but if you're going to .... take the image for what it is. You are not in this situation, the act is not being inflicted upon you, and it's not going to be inflicted upon you. When you find yourself thinking "I could do that do someone else," or whatever the thought may be, bring your attention back to what is really going on. But this is going to be hard in a situation where torture is being simulated. If all else fails, remind yourself that this is fake - these are actors.

 

[itmahanh]

Unfortunately for anyone that has to go to a horror movie with me, they find out very soon that I just love them. And not for the fright horror aspect but for what I do about them. Horror movies(with the exception of 2 scenes from one particular movie) have never gotten to me. I find them actually humorous because it is almost always the same thing regardless of the plot. Someone is stupid enough to get caught in the traps. So I learned a very long time ago to pick up on the signals (music, settings etc) just before the "gruesome" part was to happen, and I would scream out! Everyone else usually did too. And then when the part actually happened, everyone missed it. Dont know how to explain it very well. And before everyone boo hoo's me, I have since been banned from most cinemas in my area if a horror flick is being shown. Honestly.

I know that doesnt help your situation but I think it is all about timing and mind set. If you can drill it into yourself that it is all staged, actors, tons of $ in fake blood and guts etc. you can overcome sitting through them. Albeit, the horror movie has advanced so much since I used to watch them ( the original Texas Change Saw, Halloween etc) and they are very graphic and depict things now that would of been sooooo taboo in my day.

Is there anyway you could tell your gf that you are staying home to hand out goodies to the kiddies when they come. Dress yourself up and greet them at the door. Or do like we usually do, one of us dresses up and "poses" in a lawnchair by the door. Let them get past then give them a Halloween scare. Halloween is for the young and young at heart. You dont have to settle for a movie, you can still participate doing like I mentioned. Or I've started going to a local small bar. Everyone comes dressed up, it's all adults and one heck of a good time. See if you cant interest her with something other than the movie. Or try renting a few horror movies that you know wont trigger you so badly and get a few friends over with your gf and have a small "party" and watch them at home where you can make good excuses to leave if you need to, after all you're the host and need to keep things moving along right? Maybe tell her time to start a new Halloween tradition?

You shouldnt be forced to do something you know is going to be bad for your mental state of mind hun. Does she know exactly how this is going to affect you? If not maybe it's time she knows.

 

[Roots]

I'm not really a big fan of horror movies myself, but I will go sometimes if someone really wants me to join them. But when we're sitting there, in the dark, watching the movie, they don't notice that I'm sitting with my eyes focused somewhere else and with my hand/finger close to my ear (to block out sound). I also pick up on the signals in movies, so most of the time I'm prepared for the worst scenes (and therefore manage to look away etc.). So that's my advice, if you really must see it. It's not enjoyable, though. It's also important to remember that it's not real. Try to distance yourself from it in a way. Sorry, I wish I had some good advice.

Why would you go and pay to see something you really don't like? I don't understand how your girlfriend can force you, when you tell her about your feelings. I agree with itmahanh. You shouldn't be forced to do anything, and especially not if it will cause you harm. Maybe you could try to explain it to her again?

I hope it goes well. :hug:

 

[Axiom]

If youre going to go, try and remember that none of it is real. It's movie magic! Try and think of the ways they are doing it. Like when someones arm gets ripped off, well hey, that's effective, I like how they made it appear that he has only one arm, but in truth he has two arms. Or like that blood looks so real, and shes covered with it, bet it tastes like candy.

Just prepare yourself for the wonder of movie magic. Maybe go on google and search the "making of saw" or something like that where they show you how they did certain traps. I love the saw films, infact last night we watched saw 1 tonight we watched saw 2, and we're going to watch the rest and go see saw 6 on friday.

Maybe if youre getting sucked into the film look at it from a different perspective. Try not to take whats happening in the moment but think real hard about the why and the overall reasons for it. If someones getting "killed" onscreen, look deeper into the scene and around the room instead of being tunnel visioned on the person acting that they are being killed.

Seriously, the best way I would say is watching the movie from an overview perspective .

 

[LetItGo]

Just tell her to sod off...Honestly, if you dont want to go to the movie, dont go. Its very simple.

 

[Remedy]

Maybe bring headphones and put them in the ear she can't see?

 

[Stranger1]

I know how you feel.. The Amyttyville Horror movis freaks me out and I won't watch it..Tell your girlfriend to take a friend.. If something is going to trigger you then don't go..Explain this to her and that you just can't do it..

 

[Menchi]

Thanks everyone who tried to help me out with this. None of the techniques really worked though ... looked away when i knew the worst bits were (read the plot online so i knew when to look away), so i could have been worse, but this evening i'm not in the best shape (just come back).

 

[itmahanh]

Here if you need to talk.