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Advice PLEASE!

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Anam_Cara, Sep 15, 2010.

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  1. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member

    I'm a single mother daughter is going to be 13 in a month or so and im at my wits end in the area of disciplining her. i love her so much id do anything to keep her safe and happy, just cant handle her behavior at present.

    Since she was a toddler she was difficult and stubborn, and it's just graduated to the point that my family and i are having a fight on our hands every time shes asked to do something. Even simple things, change her clothes, brush her teeth, get ready for bed, put her things away etc. We have laid down rules, she isnt to go past a certain point in our parking lot while walking her dog, and lo and behold she ignores that and goes wherever she wants. Ready to put my head through the wall.

    I'm disabled, have severe back problems and cant deal with having to wrestle with her, she pushes us, tries and sometimes does kick us, throws things, insults us (especially me), and when she gets corrected she takes it out on the dog verbally..screaming at them until they cower in fear. if i tell her its time for bed, or to come inside the end result is always me having to go take her by the arm or try and pick her up which ends up hurting me physically. not supposed to lift over 10 pounds with my degenerative spinal condition.

    I have dealt with alot of children (baby-sitting etc) but my first and only child is the most difficult i have ever encountered. for example when asked to change her clothes (in July) she started screaming, not just shouting, SCREAMING. we live in apartment buildings and 6 neighbors called security and reported her screaming, thought she was being hurt. we invited security in and they sat down and talked to her, determined she was throwing a tantrum and left shaking their heads. She knows if she screams that people will call the security here and that is her way of defying us. 3 different reports and we get evicted.. already had two incidence.. So far they've been called twice for the same thing (just again this week).. it's horribly embarassing. This weeks tantrum was the worst yet, she laid on the ground screaming and kicking (actually caused me to strain my back while restraining her so she wouldnt hurt herself in the tantrum)..

    I've tried making her write apology papers, locked her computer account password wise (she just created another account and locked ME out of it), tried grounding her, making her sit for a hour in the corner. The defiance has me almost at the point of nervous breakdown.. I love her more than anything in the world, shes my reason for living and existing, shes a beautiful, amazingly intelligent young lady. I just have no idea how to get her to mind and cooperate. Tired of WW3 everytime shes politely asked to do something. .. im immensely patient but i'm mentally emotionally and physically exhausted. I thought the terrible twos were so bad but they were a BREEZE compared to pre-teen age!

    Any other parents out there dealt with anything like this?
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have to put up with that..
    I'm a mother and I worked in childcare for years as well...when I left my husband my kids put me through hell ....
    it's easy to give advice when I'm not in the middle of it all..

    I would try locking computer, etc. in a cupboard and she doesn't get it till she behaves....if she disappears with the dog call the police..a lecture from them might help
    if she throws tantrums let her hurt herself (within reason) so she sees the consequences for how she's acting...whatever you do don't hurt yourself anymore over her bad behavour.....
    I think therapy would help..

    I'm sorry I sound so harsh... I'm in a bad place at the moment too.
  3. Anam_Cara

    Anam_Cara Well-Known Member

    IV2010- thanks for the kind words.. so sorry you're in a bad place too!

    I'm trying to hold it together for her, but shes not making it easy.. between my health problems/disabilities and her behavior im having anxiety attacks again. cant get evicted cause of her tantrums, nowhere else to go. on top of it my grandad passed away a week ago and we're trying to deal with everything and a child who refuses to behave, and just wants to defy us.


    Thanks so much for the suggestions.. any are welcome at this point and counseling is definitely high on my priorities!
  4. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    Agree with IV, get her into a child psychologist. There could be something going on to make her behave this way.

    I hope things get better for you very soon.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    My daughter was the same way..My ex put her in girls homes, foster care, and back to girls homes..I tried having her live here with me but she kept running away saying she doesn't have any rules and would do what ever she wanted..I got her in a nice new school and she got expelled for telling her teacher to F**K off..I had no choice but to send her back to her mom because she lives in a small town..The city I live in is full of transients and vagrants..They would have preyed on such a young girl..Now she is an adult and has her own child.. She still has relationship problems and fights with her boyfriends all the time..She can't keep a job because of her tempor..I told yoou all that because if you don't get her help now she will end up the same way.. See a Pdoc, they can put her on meds that will help calm her down..All I can do is wish the best..Don't give up on her..
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