Advice please

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by S8pxph, Mar 11, 2012.

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  1. S8pxph

    S8pxph Active Member

    Ok, so first some back story so you can know the whole picture. When I was a freshman in high school, my friend's boyfriend sexually assaulted her. He, of course, denies it to this day. When he first started denying it, though, she lost a lot of her friends because she didn't want to tell anyone so they all heard his side of the story first. A couple people knew in their heart he was lying but didn't care enough to stop being friends with him, and subsequently drifted away from her. Anyway, the point is he was an asshole that hurt her. Now, the summer after freshman year, my boyfriend raped me. Seeing what happened to her, I let it go when he started bragging to people about how we had sex, and only told a few close friends what really happened (and even this took a few years of mustering the courage to tell someone). One of those people is the friend I need advice on. Lets call him John, for clarity's sake.

    So I was talking to John tonight and he said he was hanging out with the boy who sexually assaulted my friend. I was livid, as I had explained to John previously why I hated this kid. Well, he smiled and said the kid told him what happened with my friend. I asked him why he was smiling and if he thought that was funny, to which John said he thought it was consensual. So, being enraged and totally mature, I flipped him off and walked away. I'm just so angry. It's that kind of thing that makes women not want to come forward. He was the first person I told about my rape, and while he has never made any indication that he didn't believe me, I can't help but take this as an implication that he doesn't support me either. It's like a huge slap in the face. John has been my friend for 5 years, and he's a huge part of my life, but I don't know if I can be friends with someone who treats this subject so callously, and who may even side with my rapist over me. Out of loyalty to my friend alone, I feel like I shouldn't be friends with him anymore, and if he truly doesn't believe me either, out of self respect I shouldn't be friends with him. It's just a difficult decision because I don't want to lose him, but this is really serious to me. I just need some advice on what to do. Thanks for reading <3
  2. b-rock

    b-rock Well-Known Member

    understand what you are saying and there isn't a need to feel offended. His comments/demeanor doesn't reflect his position/perspective regarding your incident. I think you are just taking it personally. I am sure he cares.
  3. Sterling

    Sterling New Member

    I'd feel the same way you do personally.
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