Quick summary of my situation: I was in grad school, but I've been on psych leave since last spring when I overdosed several times and let other 'maladaptive behaviors' get out of control. I did partial hospitalization, and have since been doing weekly therapy, weekly treatment sessions at the hospital, and have been (mostly) good about staying on my prescribed drug cocktail. However, I found out recently that I will not be able to go back to school for this upcoming spring semester (my psych team doesn't think I'm ready). I'm bad at relationships and talking about serious things to people, so none of my friends know about any of this (except for one). They think I'm in school still working on a thesis, and to avoid any potential for them to find information out about me, I've been isolating most days and avoiding encounters with them (screening phone calls, ignoring ims/texts, not going places where I might see them). I went out with a few of them tonight, and I tried to keep pulling the conversation towards trivial nonsense, but they asked about my thesis and it just got awkward. The thing is, part of me WANTS to tell them at least some of what happened. I hate hiding and lying about everything.. I just want to feel like I don't have to hide anything. But at the same time, I don't want to act like I'm attention whoring or looking for sympathy. The last thing I want is for them to think of me as attention seeking. I HATE being the center of attention, and I much prefer talking about other people. I just don't want to feel like I need to hide from them all the time. I guess what I'm thinking now is that I do want them to know this information because lying/hiding makes me feel very distant from them... but I'm not trying to get sympathy/support/attention about it. How should I approach telling them? I could write letters to them because telling them directly scares me (I have social phobia among other things lol/sigh), but that's pretty awkward, right? Telling them one by one seems daunting to.. so I could hold a 'press conference' of sorts and tell them all at once... but OBVIOUSLY I can't do that lmao. Telling them all at once is the opposite of what I am able to do, but having like 8 separate awkward conversations is scary too. Can I tell one of them, and tell them to just tell everyone else, and have them ask everyone to never ever bring it up again? lol I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm just at a loss for what to do. It's just getting to the point where it's incredibly awkward and I just want to be friends with my friends again.