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Advice/views wanted..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Sa Palomera, Mar 29, 2008.

  1. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Hey there,

    okay this might turn out to be rather long, but there really is a point to this, so please bare with me..

    I'm always a flirt, always have been flirtatious and my mates know that's just me. I also don't have a problem with kissing people, and fooling around a bit.
    BUT, not with someone whom I'm in a relationship with. (I'm talking about guys now. I'm bisexual, but with girls there's no problem).
    It's all fine in a relationship, up until that point where I feel that the other person would like to have sex, or any sexual actions really. That's where it always goes wrong. They don't have to ask, or anything, I just FEEL it when another person wants sexual intercourse. And that's where I just shut down.
    In a relationship, I can't even French kiss. I just don't get it.
    I go around fooling about with anyone, but if it comes to a boyfriend or someone I have a crush on, I can't even French kiss.
    So then I shut down completely, having a hard time even to just be around them, from the moment I feel that they'd like sex. For some reason I just feel so pressured then and get all stressed out, even if they've told me, and I KNOW that they'll be patient. Even if they can wait. Still.. As soon as I feel they'd like to have more ... I just shut down completely.
    Consequences: they dump me because the relationship feels platonic and more like a friendship than anything else, or they dump me because I turn into an ice-queen both physically AND mentally.

    I don't get where this comes from. I mean, if I'd have this problem always, and not just with love-interests/boyfriends, I could imagine it being caused by my bad experiences in the past. But the fact that this only happens with love-interests/boyfriends, and I can still mess about with others, just doesn't make sense to me! :unsure: :sad:

    I really would like your advice/views on this, because my mate P and I are growing into something more than just friends, and we've been sleeping in each others arms more often lately.. BUt last night I just felt that he was aroused. He didn't do anything because he knows that I need a lot of time with the sex-part. But still. I felt he was aroused, and now I'm exactly at that point where it always goes wrong in relationships. And I really do NOT want to lose him... :cry:
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member


    your best bet it to talk to him about things and about how you feel. tell him to take it slow maybe then in time and at your pace you'd be able to do things with him. this problem could have to do with things in your past and not being able to crosst hat line b/c of something thats happened. regardless i think you need to talk to him in depth hun, if he truly cares he'd understand.

    sorry if this doesn't help
  3. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Tell the person how you operate and let them know that you simply need time. I am sure he will understand and won't be bothered by it.
  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know, and he does know that I need a lot of time with everything regarding sex. He is patient and he can wait as long as I need the time.

    Yet I feel pressured. It's like no matter what the other person says, I get all uncomfortable and ice-queen-ish as soon as I notice that they'd like sex. You know it's human to want sex. and eventhough he doesn't say so, I can sense that he'd be ready for sex. He waits though, gives me all the time I need. yet I shut down. Because I can sense that he wouldn't mind if I'd like sex now, so to say.

    yet with any random other guy I wouldn't mind having sex right now :unsure:

    I confuse myself with this. It's annoying :sad: I don't get it...