Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Bethy604, Mar 30, 2015.

  1. Bethy604

    Bethy604 New Member

    This is my first post. So, I'll introduce myself. My first name is Beth. I'm 19 years old and I live in a small town in Maine. I've been taking antidepressants for almost two years now. I recently (couple months ago) doubled my dosage. I also have OCD and anxiety.
    A few years ago I moved in with a boyfriend. I lived away from my parents and a couple hours walk from town. I'm a romantic so I thought we could manage. However, we couldn't get license and even though we were both kind, helpful individuals our parents wouldn't help out. His father was a jerk from NY and mine moved to the Philippines when I was 15 to be with a woman about twenty years his junior. His mother was crazy and mine is just a jerk who dropped out of school. I did this, as well, even though I was a high honors student growing up, I had major bus anxiety and no other way to school. We didn't have internet and got twenty dollars a week from my mother for food. We would've gotten something like foodstamps but our parents already got them for us and didn't give them to us. We had no internet. Out entertainment was books, walks, and watching movies we'd already seen. Despite how unpleasant this may sound, I would go back to these days in a heartbeat. There isn't really one plain point where my life went wrong. It was more of an over time thing, and I didn't realize it until it had slipped out of control.
    We moved in with his mother, when she got out of rehab (alcoholic) and things got worse. She's the kind of crazy you don't believe exists until you meet it. Like letting the dog hump you, letting your son touch your boobs, making your daughter take nude selfies of you, and literally stealing from every single place you go whether or not they have cameras or your children are with you.
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that you are suffering but you are important and please never forget that. On this forum, we all suffer in one way or another. Is there anyway you can go to a refuge because the family you are living will utterly destroy you as a person and cause you more depression. You are so young and have the rest of life to live. You need to get out of that toxic relationship for yourself. Yes, you may not think I'm talking sense, you heart tells you to stay on for love but love can also destroy you. So sorry to be harsh, but I'm talking reality and from the heart.

    You are important and we will get you through this tough period of your life. Your main priority is your safety and you need to be kind to yourself. Perhaps these are the words you do not want to hear but true in your own heart you know I am talking sense. It does not matter how much you try but I do not think you ever get the approval of boyfriend's mother. This is only my opinion but I'm talking from the heart.

    Please be safe and keep posting here.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If you are still having anxiety and the meds are not working you need to get to your doctor and get medication adjusted so your anxiety can stop and you can get back into school. You still have time to follow whatever path you want to live in life

    I agree also you need to move into a place less toxic see what there is in the community for you talk to some health workers there or even church people who may know of places you can stay until you can afford a place later on of your own.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there Beth, I suffer from severe anxiety too so I can relate. I am glad you found this forum and I hope it helps you. Your boyfriends mother sounds like a wicked witch, I mean who in their right mind would to those things to their children? Despite your hard last few years, there is hope and help available. Please see your doctor and explain just how bad the anxiety is and what its preventing you from doing and how its affecting your life. There are some great medications available for anxiety, they can take the edge off things. Self help and meditation can help too. There are some very good meditation and relaxation videos on youtube.

    Good luck to you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2015
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter


    What about calling the food stamp place and have them transfer your account to you since you're over 18 now an adult. What about going to local churches as they tend to be a source for food as well. For Driving I know it's a catch 22. It costs a lot money. What about riding your bike for now or walking, catching rides with others etc until you can afford car, insurance, gas, driving lessons car repairs
  6. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Call social services and get your benefits for yourself. At 19 nobody should be claiming for you anymore anyway unless simply as a headcount of people living there- which you do not, so get them redirected to you. Having grown up in rural small towns in Maine I understand the situation you are in so far as resources but there are still things in place to help from the county and the state. Try calling 211 - this is the social service/ United Way helpline. They can help you find programs that you qualify for to try to get you into a better situation or get you a social worker to help out with your living arrangements.

    It is really worth the effort to try to get the help. While it is a slow process in that area, there is help and you need to start doing things to get started on your own life. School or a GED program so you can get a job and become independent and not have to live with others would be a good start. With a GED you can get student aid to go to a community college and that would include housing and food allowances for example. Talking to social services and being both persistent and insistent can help you get control of your situation since it does not sound like anybody else is in a hurry to lend you any help.
  7. Bethy604

    Bethy604 New Member

    I cant get foodstamps unless i work 20 hours a week. I am already on two medications for anxiety and depression and dont want to be on any more. I cant go to college right now, i still dont know what I want to do with my life. And much of doesnt believe even if I did that I'd be good at it anymore. Everytime i come here I end up doing so much crying. I know that there are so many people with bigger problems. But I am so sad here. i'm so confused to by life and how it works and what the point is now.
    I feel like if I had a job, I'd be happier. Maybe not completely happy but happier. But I'm afraid that I couldn't even handle a part time job sometimes.