Discussion in 'After Effects' started by lynD, Jul 24, 2010.

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  1. lynD

    lynD New Member

    My mother attempted suicide last night, not a cry for help but a detailed and planned attempt that was almost successful. She left letters, will and everything tidy - she also stipulated that if she was found alive she was not to be resuccitated. She is in her early 70's and has suffered from chronic pain for almost 10 years. She lives alone and is depressed and lonely - my sister and I both live hundreds of miles away.

    She is in hospital having her stomach pumped and hopefully will be ok, but having spoken to the paramedic and policeman she was in a pretty bad state. The policeman thinks that from what he could get from her and the situation that she will do it again and be successful.

    I am about to book a flight and go to her - I plan to bring her back to live with me and my family in the short term whilst we see if we can sort out her pain and depression. Has anyone been where she is? I really want to be as supportive as I can be and I am sure that she will be horrified that she is waking up to see another day when she had decided that it was all over. Being transported by 'bossy' daughter to a busy household of teenagers and animals will be a shock - however I am equally convinced that if she discharges herself and goes back to her silent house that she will do it again.
  2. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi, I'd like to commend you for being there for your mother. You have made an excellent decision to bring her home with you. Sure it will be difficult at first to be in a new environment with kids and animals, and in a different place, but anything is better than her last situation.
    With you guys, she wouldn't be lonely anymore, and she'll have a chance to be with the grandchildren, and to befriend the pets.
    About pain, maybe you can take her to a doctor whee she can get pain medicine. She doesn't have to be in pain, when there are such selection of medicines available. Take care.:hugtackles:
  3. lynD

    lynD New Member

    Thanks- have just got back from the hospital and am staying alone in her house. She is resolute in her desire to die unless her quality of life can be restored. She is due to be admitted to the local psychiatric hospital tomorrow morning and instead I would rather take her home with me - the A&E sister agrees with me so will see the duty psychiatrist in the morning. I know what we are facing is going to be hard, but she is dearly loved by all of her family and surely we can help her. What strikes me is that she has had to disassociate her feelings for us to be able to commit suicide - she said that worrying about the affect on her family had stopped her for the last 2 years but she has moved beyond that and felt very peaceful lying down last night, at rest for the first time in 10 years. Have promised her that if she cannot find a quality of life that is worthwhile after giving it our best efforts, we will take her to Switzerland and be with her rather than going through this again.
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though you're already doing the best possible things you can for your mother, she's very lucky to have you.
  5. ema

    ema Antiquities Friend

    I think you are very courageous! And very special.

    I wonder, though, if you shouldn't give the psych hospital a chance and then take her home with you. They are trained and can do some help that you may not be able to. They will also have resources to help with pain and so forth.

    Also, when you take her home with you, you still need to watch her. A busy house can still feel lonely for somebody who's new to it. She could easily slide into a quiet place and try again.

    I hope things continue to get better. And, again, your courage and care is fantastic.
  6. stormfront

    stormfront Member

    I had a brother in a similar situation, he had chronic, severe back pain and was also lonely, having gone through a bitter divorce and child custody battle. He was obviously much younger than your mother, but otherwise the same circumstances. He also made a very serious and calculated suicide attempt.

    In his case, his pain medication was changed to a much stronger yet less euphoric drug, which made a world of difference. And we called him daily and helped him understand that he is a very important piece of our family and for him to suicide would send the wrong signal to his kids. It took a while, but eventually his attitude shifted and now he's doing great.

    Hopefully having your mom around her grandkids will shift her mind away from herself, and getting the right doc to prescribe the right pain meds will help lessen the anguish that the chronic pain is causing.
  7. lynD

    lynD New Member

    Thanks for all of your kind comments and support - am about to go to the hospital and feeling very strongly that she should come home with me. I recognise the potential value of a mental health intervention, but they are going to send her to a geriatric ward and focus on her state of mind. She on the other hand is completely focused on her pain and will feel even less listened to if they put that to one side. My biggest worry is that this would be the final, final straw and she would discharge herself and then be successful in her next attempt, which would be immediate from what she's saying.

    Have checked out the pain team at our local hospital ( basingstoke in case anyone has had experience) and they seem to be forward thinking and multi disciplinary so focusing on that for now.
  8. lynD

    lynD New Member

    Thanks for your support - a week later and she is a different person. I brought her home with me and have fast tracked her through mental health and pain assessments, she's getting hands on physio and community nurse support. She has hope again and can see that a normal life free from pain is possible - we are taking things day by day, but I am very glad that she was not admitted to a mental health ward as I am sure that she would have gone in the opposite direction if she had been. :smile:
  9. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Hi LynD, I am so glad that things are working out well for your mother. You did a good thing. You are a very caring daughter.
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