After my ex wife and I finished the 3 year divorce she quit paying my life insurance policy. That policy was 4 years old and wouldve paid my mother 100k when I offed myself. I couldnt get the policy back, they returned my payment. After 2 years it was to cover suicide. Anyway, I have tried to get all my affairs in order. I too have wrote several letters, mostly to my children. Life just isnt getting any better. My truck that caught fire still isnt fixed and the insurance company is dragging their feet. I fall deeper in debt everyday. I will have another warrant for child-support anyday. It wouldve been caught up had the truck hadnt gone up in flames. A company I painted 52 townhomes for last years owes me several thousand. Everyday I call and they havent recieved payment yet its been 6 months. Why is it everytime I try to get ahead I get screwed? I think about going to the hospital but whats the use. I went to mh/mr last year for 8 weeks. Each time I asked to see the Pyschiatrist to prescribe me effexor. The psychologist said he could but never did.(he cant) He lied and wasted my time(asshole). I know the hospital would get meds in me and help my brain which goes 1 mill thoughts a minute. I color copied my prescription for xanies. Looks like the original. So i'm going to get one more scrip tomorrow morning, my last trip to walmart. Its hard to get the balls to do it, but I dont have any fight left in me. Everydamn day more and more on my shoulders. I appreciated this forum and the people who write. And knowing I'm not the only one with these thoughts deranged thoughts. Makes ya kinda feel not alone. Thank you all. I will do one final post tomorrow at lunch.