afraid of another relapse.... *may trigger*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by unidentifiable, Jun 8, 2010.

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  1. unidentifiable

    unidentifiable Well-Known Member

    i have cut for a little over a year now... and i've been doing it everyday. recently i've managed to go a week without cutting, but i feel another urge coming on... and i'll use almost anything to cut. it's surprising how creative i can become when i am that desperate. i think i will cut until all of the blood runs out of my veins. then i won't have to worry about disappointing people or getting mean comments, etc. god, i need to cut... my best friend says that i don't "need to" i "want to" but right now, it feels pretty much like a need. i have to cut or i'll go crazy! *ugh!* i hate being trapped by this. i can't go anywhere without seeing something i can use to harm myself with. my doctors and therapist tell me "use your coping skills" and "do something else to distract you" but you know what? even if you use those coping skills... the urge will still come back and it is only a matter of time before it becomes too much! and it's too much right now! i just want that pain.... to numb me and the world to the point of oblivion.
    *sigh* but of course, i always come back and it's still just as horrible....

    i hate life. i want to die... maybe i should be posting this on the crisis board, because i pretty much want to die NOW...

    does anyone else feel like this??
  2. ofvanityandwax

    ofvanityandwax Active Member

    every minute of every day. you're not alone. i'm trying my hardest to hold out, but the farthest i've gone is 50 days and that nearly ripped me apart. i know that it'll happen eventually, but I at least want to break 50 days.
    if you need someone to talk to, i'm here.
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