afraid of being a borderline...

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by messedupmarionette, Oct 25, 2008.

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  1. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I'm afraid that I have borderline personality disorder.

    I'm a psychology student, and from what I've read, I fit almost everything. The only thing that's missing is the abusive childhood.... At least I think it is. I imagine that I'd know if I was abused when I was younger.

    How can you tell? I've taken quizzes and online stuff, even a test in my abnormal psychology class, but I find everything so easy to manipulate.... I can't tell if I WANT to be a borderline or not... I mean, there's a possibility that I just WANT to be sick for some vain reason, and so I'm pushing myself into the box of bpd... Is anybody else a borderline that I can talk to? I think it would make a little more sense if I knew someone that really WAS...
  2. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni


    Sounds like you're looking for a reason that could explain why you feel and think the way you do? I wonder how being diagnosed would help you? I guess that by having the 'label' it may open up avenues for you to get help and support and it may well be worth speaking to your doctor to see what he/she thinks - it may be possible for your doctor to diagnose you or he could refer you to a psychologist.. i'm afraid im not sure how that would work. You sound very self aware and honest about what's going on for you.

    I hope you're able to get the support you need - please keep writing here if it helps too.

    Take care
    Jenny x
  3. Erratic

    Erratic Active Member

    Now, don't quote me on it, but the actual diagnosis criteria for BPD doesn't require an abusive childhood. I could be wrong however. Most people with BPD develope it from invalidating and unstable environments growing up, which does not necessarily mean that it was an abusive upbringing.

    I have been diagnosed with BPD. They were attributing the BPD traits to me the first time I was hospitalized in my senior year of high school. All this means to me is that by knowing what my symptoms are enables me to track my own behaviour. It also helps my family and those around me understand why I behave the way I do, sometimes.

    Being diagnosed with it, or not, won't change who you are. I agree with Jenny and would look into seeing a doctor about it for an official diagnosis. A lot of times, I find myself imagining traits of things I'm reading about, so having a professional talk to you and discuss it would be best.
  4. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I'm trying to see someone, but because there are so many crazy people at my school, the counseling center is pretty swamped, and I'm afraid of my parent finding out through our insurance if I see anybody off campus... I think I probably will anyway, though, because it gets to be sometimes 3 weeks between appointments, and I know I need more than that...

    And the diagnosis doesn't require an abusive childhood, but it's rather typical...
  5. kayla19

    kayla19 Well-Known Member

    i'm getting my doctorate in clinical psychology and as far as thinking i have certain diagnoses, i have been where you are...pretty much everytime i start a new class or we discuss a different disorder more in depth, i think i have it. i was also always worried about my parents finding out that i was in therapy when i was in can be a tough thing to navigate.

    as far as maybe wanting to be bpd, i think sometimes it can make people feel more validated in their suffering if they can put a label on it. and sometimes it can make it worse...all depends on the person.
  6. control freak

    control freak Member

    I've been diagnosed with BPD, and I haven't had an abusive childhood. It's not a requirement for the diagnosis.

    If you think you have BPD, speak to your psychiatrist/psychologist and have an assessment.

    I know, for me, finally getting a "label" was a huge weight off my mind.
  7. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I've heard the whole "I went through Ab. Psych and thought I had X" before, and I was really aware of it when I went into psychology. I figured I'd do that to some degree, but BPD or maybe depression are the only things that I felt like I might have... almost all of the people I knew in the class did that... they were all like "oh, I have this, I'm this way, I've got X" and I didn't really feel like that until I heard about Borderlines... I thought that if I did some research and talked to some people I could find borderline factors that I didn't have, that there would be something to disprove it, but thus far I haven't found anything.

    I'm going to talk to the school therapist on Friday before break, and when I'm home I'll get my insurance card from my parents. I know if I just leave it alone it'll get worse--I've tried that for years. I just have to be motivated enough to deal with it.
  8. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    I hope this doesn't seem too morbid a request, but could someone explain to me in layman's terms what Borderline Personality Disorder actually is? (I have tried a Wikipedia and clinical definition but both seem to be merely thickets of psychobabble).
  9. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the "borderline" of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2 percent of adults, mostly young women.1 There is a high rate of self-injury without suicide intent, as well as a significant rate of suicide attempts and completed suicide in severe cases.2,3 Patients often need extensive mental health services, and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. ------National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).

    Symptoms include self-mutilation/self-injury, inability to regulate moods (with emotions changing every few hours), extreme and stormy relationships, severe feelings of abandonment and (biggest of all) an unstable self-image and sense of identity... There's more, but that's the basics. If it seems like psychobabble or like it doesn't make sense, then that's a good thing :)
  10. Denikin

    Denikin Well-Known Member

    Maybe you are borderline, maybe you are not. In any case, first, it's more a label than anything else, second,

    You might want to talk to a doctor about this, but I don't see what it might really give you.

    Now, I do understand what you mean by "wanting to be borderline". I'm doing quite the same right now with other problems. It's just as if having a name, a label, would give me the right to be whatever I might really be, as if it would free me from all the expectations that I must meet. But sincerely, I don't think it would help you. It's too easy to just hide behind a diagnosis... I know it because I do. You're better to try to change things in your life.

    And in any case, you're better to ask your doctor than us. Or see a psychologist.
  11. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I'm going to talk to a therapist tomorrow. I know that a label won't do anything by itself, but it'll at least give me an idea where to go for treatment and it'll mean that things can be better. What I'm really afraid of is finding out that there's nothing wrong with me.
  12. Denikin

    Denikin Well-Known Member

    Why would you need to have something wrong? It's not because you don't have a funny mental health problem that you can't feel bad, that you can't seek for help.
  13. CAD

    CAD Well-Known Member

    Thank you very much for your time. The only thing which troubles me is your closing statement... surely it would be better if the condition was more easily understandable and identifiable? Or maybe you meant its a good thing none of the diagnostic criteria resonate with me, in which case thank you again for your concern.
  14. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    I meant that it's good that it doesn't ring true to you. It's a pretty shitty place to be.

    I talked to a therapist today (I'm hesitant to call him mine, because that just sounds weird) and he said that I do meet the diagnostic requirements for borderline personality disorder. He said, however, that because I'm still really young I could be helped by single and group therapy if I start soon, so... I guess I'm making progress--I know where to go from here. The next part is talking to my family and convincing them to let me see a real therapist, rather than just the school counselor...:unsure:
  15. messedupmarionette

    messedupmarionette Active Member

    Well, my family was very flippant at first. I told my parents and they both said that I was overreacting, and that they would support me seeing someone but they didn't think I was sick. They also said that they couldn't really afford it, and were rather angry at me... although I dunno what they expected me to do. I have my insurance card, and I'm going to see what I can work out with the therapist that was recommended to me....
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