Afraid of being criticized

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Little_me, Jul 10, 2010.

  1. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    What can I do to improve my self-esteem?
  2. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Well why don't you make a list of all your good qualities? Write them down, look at them and draw your conclusions! :)
  3. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    You could also examine the way you talk to yourself very closely. Maybe you're talking negatively to yourself without noticing it. So if you become aware of this you can change it and steer yourself in the right direction.
  4. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Sometimes (if I'm not strictly obligated to) I avoid things I'm supposed to do, just because I don't want to be the center of attention and be put under others' judgement... I'm aware that this is untenable in the long term and I must do something about it.

    Thanks for your reply. The thing is that I don't know what qualities I have, I always think that it is not my thing to determine what I am like. And nobody, not even my mother, talks to me like that... :/ it would feel weird to ask her "what do you like about me?" but maybe that's the next to do then
  5. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    It's kind of late at the moment and I'm a bit I'm not thinking very clearly. But I'll see if I can come up with anything to say after I got some rest. :)
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    Do you think other people look at you differently then how you look at them?

    How much do you care about what people who don't know you think of you? And why?

    Do you think other people aren't sometimes just as uneasy as you are in these situations? I mean you don't have courses for e.g. speaking in public for no reason...?

    I think it's very important that people know themselves... Just my opinion. Knowledge is power. It's also so that you sort of find out "who" you are as time goes by. Live and learn, you know? So to a degree that may be the way most people also get to know themselves but I also think it's important that people reflect on things. The fruits of introspection can be priceless.

    I don't see how there's anything wrong with e.g. admitting you're good at something? Or that you have certain qualities in terms of character? It's not's just having like you said, self-esteem.

    I may have understood you wrongly, though. I'm just sort of thinking out loud. It's not my intention to offend you. I like you. You've always been very nice here on SF. Like I said, I'm just sharing thoughts on this particular subject.
  7. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I dug this up of the internet about improving self esteem thought it might help :

    Take care of your physical health. Make sure you have good food, relaxation and enough sleep. Try to do 10-15 minutes of moderate exercise (such as brisk walking) every day, and about 20 minutes of more vigorous exercise three times a week (something that raises your heartbeat and makes you sweat).

    Have a massage whenever you can. Nothing is better for increasing self-esteem and beating stress! Learn to recognise your own stress indicators, and when they occur, take time out to look after yourself.
    Reduce your stress levels

    Whenever possible, avoid situations where you have little power, and institutions that undermine your self-esteem. This may be difficult or appear impossible in the short run, but may be essential to your long-term mental and physical wellbeing. Keep your home as stress free as possible: make sure it is as tidy as suits you, with good lighting and supportive seating.
    Accepting a challenge

    Set yourself a challenge that you can realistically achieve, and then go for it! Start with something relatively small, such as, 'Getting fit enough to walk up the steps to my flat without getting out of breath or taking the lift'. (But not 'Running the Marathon this year' unless, of course, that is a realistic goal for you!) Then, when you have achieved it, reward yourself! Tell your friends, and let them praise you for it. Then set yourself another challenge. Learn to enjoy your own achievements.

    Learn something new. It doesn't really matter what it is, whether it's car maintenance, speaking Russian or flower arranging. The important thing is that it interests you and will give you a sense of achievement. The longer you have been away from learning anything new, and the more different the new subject is from your normal life, the more benefit this will give you. For example,if you are an intellectual sort of person, take up weight training or yoga. If you work in a manual trade, you might try learning a foreign language, or studying local history.
    Enjoying yourself

    Find out what you most enjoy, and then find a way of doing it as much as possible. If you enjoy it, you probably have some talent for it, whatever it is. Doing what we are best at is the most empowering and self-nourishing kind of activity. (If your response to this advice is, 'But I'm not good at anything!', go back to the question, What can I do to heal the past?)
    Taking action

    Join in with others, if possible, to take action about the things that annoy you, whether it's the amount of dog mess in your street, Government policy on asylum-seekers, the worldwide arms trade, or whatever most angers you. Of course, the trick here is to find the right group of fellow-campaigners, a group where you feel respected and empowered. Unfortunately, political campaigning groups can be as damaging to the self-esteem of their members as any other kind of institutions! This is perhaps an area where continuing struggle is not only necessary, but a sign of love for oneself, one's fellow-humans and for the world, in general.
    Giving yourself a treat

    Give yourself regular treats, to remind yourself that you deserve nurture and pleasure. Programme some fun into your plans for each week, to bolster your sense of humour and creativity.
    Making music

    Learn to sing! To free your voice is empowering to mind, soul and body. Singing strengthens the lungs and the legs, gives joy and hope, and is a powerful medium for self-expression. You can do it alone, or as part of a group. Many places now have 'Choirs for the Tone Deaf' or 'Can't Sing' groups, which take on the fact that many of us may have had painful experiences with music teachers in the past. They can teach ways of addressing this, involving breath and relaxation techniques.

    Hope it helps :hug:
  8. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Do you have trouble criticising others? Because, it might turn out- the people you are afraid of have the most laughable reactions, and are ridden with insecurities themselves.

    What helped me was confrontations, looking at reactions, and realising truth rather than perception was on my side. It was good to tear down people's lazy arguments that have no knowledge in them, but only personal anxiety and prejudice, and see them for who they are. After that, was all about distancing and realising I didn't need those people anymore- because they might have been there for some self destructive purpose anyway y'know?

    Are you afraid of criticism from everyone, or certain individuals or...? ....I dunno, I can say I love being criticised and having a good debate by people who know what they are talking about (or people who don't it's all good for me)! There's things like constructive, insightful criticism but again- you have to have a basis to filter- what helps you, and what doesn't, because a lot of so called constructive criticism have questionable agendas that don't hold up to any strong argument, and are there to not address difficult issues in that argument.

    You say you don't know your qualities, but you won't know them unless you have a value system to realise what your qualities are- and when it comes to self esteem that has power and weight- it means loving/constructively criticising yourself whatever shape you are in, emotionally, mentally or physically and having a lot of insight into yourself. Maybe that's where you need to work on? I don't suggest asking people what they think of you and forming your self worth on that, I mean it's good to have people saying ABC but y'know- you'd be giving more power to their eyes, rather than your own.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2010
  9. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Thank you! I really appreciate your help, all three of you came up with things that made me think. I'll give it all a try, thanks
  10. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I have to agree with the previous answers. I would personally reject any negative thought that may pop into my mind, and focus on all of my good traits. If I was unhappy about something I would change it, if it was something I could not change like for me, my beak of a nose, I would grow to accept it. We are all made to be individuals. We see what hapens to people that take great pains to look like everyone else. They get plastic surgery happy, and look like monsters. Blessings..