Afraid of change

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Rockclimbinggirl, Mar 4, 2016.

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  1. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I've had 3 sessions with a counsellor at school and I still haven't told him that I self-harm. I know that in order to help myself I need to tell him.

    I don't know if I'm afraid of things changing or if I just don't trust him yet.
  2. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Sometimes you can be afraid of change... I was a bit like that last time I was in therapy... "but if they take away the self harm, what will I do instead??" The thought scared me a lot. But the right kind of therapist can replace those impulses with much healthier things.

    But I can't tell you which it is for you. Can you write a small note for your next appointment, and if you chicken out with saying it out loud then slip it to him? It's an extra chance for you to let him know it's something you need to work on.
    Petal likes this.
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I could write in down, but right now I'm to scared to.
  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Whether you are not ready to change or you do not trust him yet is actually a really important point. If you do not trust him, it will be impossible to tell him but it might be a matter of you plowing through the fear/not trusting him and putting it out there so that you can determine whether or not you CAN trust him with this stuff...I know, kind of a backwards approach. I had to d this with my counselor -- I was SO scared of admitting to him the 1. I am often suicidal and 2. that I have easy access to a means to do so. But I was relieved greatly once I did tell him and his response was wonderful -- I was not thrown in a hospital but was listened to, heard, understood and so forth.

    If the issue if that you are not ready to change the SH behavior, the just know that telling him about it does not mean you have to immediately stop the behavior --although the therapist will definitely encourage you to do so. Counselors know that SH behavior is addictive in its natures, because on some level it WORKS to alleviate what we are dealing with. So, if you are just not sure you want to change yet, I say tell him and let him help you sort out why that might be and how you might come to be ready.

    I think once you tell him, you might be surprised at how little he mentions the SH behavior. My counselor rarely asks me if I am doing any SH because he is focused on helping me with the things that create the incentive to SH, and not the SH itself.

    Finally, for me, sharing a secret like SH or suicidal ideation is in itself very stress relieving and comforting....especially when the person with whom you share the feelings is supportive.

    Good luck -- know we are all rooting for you :)
    Petal likes this.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You are right, he cannot help what he is not aware of. I hope you can gather the courage to tell him, in what ways do you think you might distrust him? Is there a specific reason? Either way, he needs to know. Or you could go elsewhere and see if you can gain someone's trust more ((big hugs))
    James5706 likes this.
  6. James5706

    James5706 SF Supporter

    As Petal states, it may be that you haven't built up the trust with him to feel you can trust him with knowledge that is very personal to you. It may also be that you just haven't "clicked" with him as the right counsellor for you?
    He may well be aware, or at least suspect that you self harm? So what may be a big issue for you, may not be from his point of view?
    But speaking from experience, you are unlikely to get the full appropriate support and guidance you need, until he or she knows your whole story/symptoms.
    Good Luck.
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