Afraid of failure

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by turryburry, Jan 6, 2015.

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  1. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Found out one night while being on here that it's probably going to be harder than I thought to end it so now I'm afraid to try. But I don't want to do anything productive like clean or go places because why bother? My arthritis (after being stable for 15 years) is now travelling rapidly through my body.

    Had a second date with some guy. Think/hope I chased him away.

    Sent out a text to my sibs, something jokey about checking out because of the pain, because I wanted them to have a heads up.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi turryburry we cannot discuss methods here,I am posting from my phone so cannot edit. I hope you can get through this difficult time without harming yourself, we all deserve a real chance at life. Don't live with regrets

    Petal
     
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Sorry about the arthritis. We do have days where we feel like doing nothing productive. Been there. But atfer a while it becomes more of a necessary thing for me to keep going through the routine of cleaning so I feel a tad bit better about my environment. Going out or going places can help distract you for a while.

    Why do you hope that you chased the guy away?
     
  4. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I hope I chased the guy away because I have no sex drive and want to end my life so I shouldn't be starting anything.

    I used to go through the cleaning motions but now all I can think about is the end. People will blame themselves but there's nothing I can do about that. Maybe they'll live their lives better in the future--don't know and won't care.
     
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Lack of sex drive doesn't mean you're hopeless, you can strike a meaningful relationship without the sex and have you tried to get professional help for your feelings
     
  6. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I just don't want to bother with men now. Or anything. I'm on 2 different antidepressants. I don't feel depressed I just feel like life can only get worse so it'd be best to check out now.
     
  7. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    ~Hi turrybury~hope you don't mind my thoughts here.

    Firstly, I'm sorry to hear your Arthritis is worsening and I didn't read other threads of yours here, so I hope you under doctors care for this condition.

    Secondly, I do also change away people most of the time by burdening the with my problems, so I know how that feel to be left abandoned.

    Lastly, I realized you are in a crisis situation, and I don't take that lightly, or you feeling with a grain of salt, so, I really hope you will find a reason to live, because everybody deserves a change at life. I know you have obstacles to beat, so please be brave and give those antidepressants time to work (don't know how long you've been on them already) but they could help a bit even if depression is not the main problem.

    Good luck and best wishes.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again hun,

    Sorry to hear your arthiritis has come back again, no fun.

    I know you're on medication but have ever considered therapy? Do you feel the medications are working? If not I'd recommend going back to see your doctor. I understand well the feelings of not wanting to clean/cook etc... I honestly think that's just down to your energy levels because some days I am motivated to clean/cook/do hair but can't for the life of me can't actually do it. Are you eating healthily?

    Hoping you are feeling better soon.
     
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Know the feeling of not wanting to bother with people. Why not hold on and instead of looking at life will be worse why not life could get better?
     
  10. smwhorses

    smwhorses Well-Known Member

    turryburry *hug
    I hope you change Drs and try to find one who can help you with the pain. Unluckily most Drs do not understand what it is like living with daily pain and how it drags on your whole life. It is even worse when they either won't or can't give the medications that will help. Please try to get the energy to demand to be pain free. Pain free is just something I can only dream about also. I know there is a combo of meds that help me but I can't afford them. Your antidepressant meds might start to work if you finally get some relief.
     
  11. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Thanks to all who answered.

    Tried therapy for years and got burnt out on it. Have been on antidepressants for two years now. My life can get better but I'm more worried about it getting worse and not being able to put an end to it down the line. I don't really feel depressed but, since I have no energy, maybe I am.

    I don't know how to ask for help from my doc since a therapist in the same office locked me up when I wasn't even suicidal--I was psychotic at the time. So being suicidal--no brainer, keep my mouth shut.
     
  12. Milkyway

    Milkyway Well-Known Member

    You may like to google the guggul. Don't forget to read the side effects.
     
  13. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    Appreciate the thought but I try to stay away from herbal remedies---on too many regular meds as it is.
     
  14. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    try a different doctor? different place?
     
  15. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    That's not really possible, I don't think. My doc would prescribe over the phone and any new place would want to see me (not that big a deal) but if I walk in the door talking about suicide.....
     
  16. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Be strong. Sorry to hear that you are suffering. You sound like a real nice person. Please be safe and don't worry please.
     
  17. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    what about care at home?
    random thought.
    like when you have nurses and doctors come to yours and talk to you etc. in your home setting
     
  18. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    If you dont try youll never know! And its easier to never try and just hide from life. But in reality its harder,tragic and a waist of life! If we focus on the problem enought it becomes our truth and nothing anyone will say can penertrate that and be of support. If on the other hand we focus on the solution and cultivate some gratitude for what we do have. The universe will clear the way...
     
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