Afraid of "Growing Up? (18-under?)

Discussion in 'Soap Box' started by pither, Jan 18, 2010.

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  1. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I'm having a bit of a Petter Pan moment. I'm turning 18 in a few days and though my parents aren't exactly pushing me out the door I feel like once I'm a legal adult there's gonna be this constant pressure.

    I always told myself I would leave as soon as that day rolled around and now that it's here I'm petrified. I still don't drive because that's a MAJOR anxiety thing of mine, but I managed to at least get my permit a week ago. I'm looking for what will be my second job ever and I'm taking all the steps to finish up school and start really making a life for myself- so my question is


    Is anyone else on here going through or dealing with similar feelings?

    Scared or worried about "Growing Up"?
     
  2. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I remember having a bit of anxiety when I left home. For me, everything was new, and I loved being able to have control over what I was doing and where I was going. Getting my own place was great, and it came with my own personal responsibility. For me, it meant no one could tell me how or what to do with my own things. I could chill in my own place, and have more me time so to say.

    I don't think I felt any more pressure to be honest, because my attidutde was that I wanted more, and what I needed to do to obtain what I wanted was my own personal choice, and no one could come in a dictate those to me. Weighing that against the anxiety of actually doing it, the desire was always stronger.

    Alot of pressure is produced from our own assumptions and fears. But if you can hone in on your desires and dreams more, than that usually peels away the unneeded pressure.

    Granted there's always pressure in life.. like final exams or what have you. But that too can be wittled down by your desires. Atleast in my opinon. Just helps to think and talk from your desires more than your fears I suppose.



    btw im 24, and totally not grown up. :biggrin: No ones asking you to raise children or run a country :) Try and enjoy your freedom. And don't think of yourself as totally grown up yet. Cause I dont think that ever happens. It's all in our heads :tongue:
     
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Although I'm 21 now- I was 18 and under not too long ago, lol.

    I remember my last year of highschool and how eager I was to leave home and go to college. I wanted to be on my own so badly-- but then again, I'd been working 2-3 jobs while going to school since I was 15, to help support my family... so I was pretty used to adult responsibilities to begin with.
    I *was* however; scared to leave at the same time. I was afraid of dealing with people on my own, I always thought 'what if I screw up? It'll definitely be all my fault!' - and I was scared of moving to a place where I didn't know anyone.
    It's okay to be scared-- I think it's natural.

    You really don't need to be completely grown up until much later on, though- I think.
    When you decide to have children; you should be mature enough and 'grown up' enough to handle it.
    Lots of people are still young at heart even as parents- and I think it's good that we never have to completely lose our youthful selves; even if we need to cover up with suits and ties.

    I've regressed these past 6 months. I need my mom just to be able to leave the house.
    I cling to my brother when we go outside because I'm just so scared of being in public and having people see me. I feel like a burden- and I know I am... but your family will always be there to support you. Even if they tell you you're a pain in the ass-- they're your built in safety-blanket.
     
  4. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Same here. I'm turning 18 on Feb. 1st... And it feels weird.
     
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Dunno if I should be posting because I'm 20... but I know exactly what you're going through. It was after I turned 18 that depression turned to suicidality. I said the same thing too! I'm going to move out as soon as I turn 18. Now that I'm 20 and living at home... I feel very pressured... and I'd give anything to go back in time.
    Growing up is very hard to do. You said you feel pressure from your parents. Are they actually pressuring you to move out and whatnot or do you just feel that way? My parents have not taught me anything about being an adult. It has been insanely hard and I've tried to drown my problems in drinking mostly. Hopefully you have someone supportive who can ease your fears of adulthood because it can be very stressful. At least, it's my #1 stressor essentially, without getting into it too much.
    :heart: :hug:
     
  6. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    Awesome, happy early birthday I guess xD

    Mine is on the 23rd and yeah I'm kinda nervous actually. It just feels like I'm gonna be constantly under the magnifying glass.

    fromthatshow - No my mom would never kick me out or ask me to leave regardless of what I do or how old I am (not that I want to push it of course). I've told her how I feel and she says she really didn't want me to leave her anyways. My mom loves her children and would never shut them out or make them leave. I just feel like I'll have to act a certain way or I'll be resented- I do have plenty of support- it's just me being me I guess...
     
  7. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Yeah :D but if I'd been born 18 minutes earlier, then I would've been born in January :mad:
    I don't feel prepared for adulthood..
     
  8. sammakko

    sammakko Banned Member

    I cannot grow up.
     
  9. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    Aw, so close xD Any plans for yer birthday? I am SOOOO not ready for mine. I have no clue what I want to do or what I want it's just kinda taken a backseat as far as life goes.

    I'm not either- I feel like I should have done so much more or feel so much different. My mom says it's just a number and that it doesn't really change anything other than being able to call in on those TV commercials =/
     
  10. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I'm 32 and still afraid of growing up.

    If I could give you advice, I'd say don't worry about the world's problems. Don't obsess about global warming or the war on terrorism or 2012 or conspiracies or the economic depression or world poverty or saving the wicked from damnation or what have you. I know when you're young you want to understand how the world works, you want to get at its secrets, but you're young and vulnerable. You can't handle all of the knowledge in this world. It would cripple you. It's too much. You don't have the necessary skills. You need to spend more of your time going to school, developing your social IQ, getting jobs, being independent, and so on. These things should be your priority #1. Once you're on your own, able to support yourself, and you're feeling confident about your role in this world, then that would be the time to figure out what makes this world tick, and whatever kinds of secrets there might be.

    I know some of you will walk away from this advice, telling yourselves: What could be more important than 2012? What could be more important than AGW or the war on terrorism? So some of you are going to walk away from my advice, thinking that these problems are far more important than your puny little life. Don't forget I gave you this advice. Write it down. I guarantee you'll forget otherwise.

    And keep this quote somewhere handy:
    "Obstacles are those things we see when we take our eyes off the goal."

    Let me tell you, some of you, 10 or 20 years from now, will come back to this. And you'll be in the same boat. Asking yourself, where did all the time go? And you'll be saying the same things I'm saying right now, and some young socrates will be there with you, thinking that you're some kind of really old person that's brain dead and only cares about being just like everyone else. Well, if being independent and having goals is "being just like everyone else," then I guess that's not such a bad thing, is it?

    I was just like that young socrates. 40 year old trying to tell me that getting a job and being independent was more important than AGW, pollution, iraq, UFOs, whatever. I just ignored him because he reminded me of my parents. But once you grow older and realize how quickly life passes and how hard it's to cope with this world, you start to appreciate a good job, and a little bit of security in your life.

    I know, I know. Someone in Planet of the Apes says: Don't trust anyone over 30.

    But an Ape said that!!! We're humans. Ape != Human. /pwned
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2010
  11. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    No plans ;__; dunno what to do actually, other than having my first own legal bottle of wine... :O
     
  12. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    For me, moving out was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Knowing that I could do what I want, when I want, was an amazing freedom. I'm still not "grown up" (fully), but I'm not a kid either. The hardest things about moving out are paying rent, paying bills, and knowing that you don't have immediate protection should something happen to you. Even so, it is better than living at home by far, because as long as you're at home you will always be a kid. It's hard for the first month or two, but after that, it's easy.
     
  13. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Sounds good
     
  14. Synesthetic Soul

    Synesthetic Soul Well-Known Member

    I'm 22 and throughout my entire childhood I never really wanted to grow up. Part of me did at times but then I would remember things. Like needing a job, and having all these responsibilities. The cartoons had a big influence on me in terms of "lessons learned; why not to want to grow up so fast".

    I'm 22 and I know exactly how you feel. I didn't want to grow up and have a job and all that grown-up stuff. But now I have a real job and do lots of grown-up things but I still refer to older people as "grown-ups" because, unlike me, they don't remember what it's like. They don't seem to remember what it's like to be a kid, to want to do certain things or have fun a certain way. I've spent a lot of time going back to childhood and learning to make shifts.

    An un-related example: At home I use a Mac. I know how to use the Mac and all the hot keys and such. At work I use a PC. I know how to use the PC and all the hot keys but it took me a while to learn how to "switch" myself from Mac to PC and PC to Mac.

    So, I am learning how to switch myself from "child" to "adult" and back again. And I think it's okay. I think it's perfectly okay to still be a kid inside so long as you know when to be an adult. I have a friend who's much older than I and she is independent, in a serious relationship, has a job and all that jazz. In her free time, though, she's just a big kid!

    So your feelings are not only normal, they are valid. And like I said, you can have both! I hope this helps you! :cake:

    Kindred spirit! I love you. X3
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 25, 2010
  15. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    In my late 40s I can honestly say that I regret that this "growing up" thing happened to me. I shoulda killed myself.
     
  16. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Although I'm 21 now, I remember being pretty scared when I was turning 18. I even had a similar anxiety about getting my driver's license. I felt like it would cement my position as an adult in society and I wasn't ready to stop being a kid. Looking back now it's really funny though, I worried for nothing. I have more responsibilities but they didn't come in a rush like I was afraid they would. I wish I could have gone back in time and told myself to just chill out because everything was going to be fine.
     
  17. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    I'm not afraid of 'growing up' to be honest -- I'm just afraid that I'll forget what it's like to be young when I'm older and I don't want that. It'll be awesome, I think, to finally act my age and to be independent and I'll have so many more options by being older. That all said though, I dont want to rush the process.

    TDM
     
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