afraid of success? would rather fail?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by morning rush, Apr 20, 2013.

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  1. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I did my first workshop and although it went well, the first thing I did was thinking negatively.

    This is stupid
    They don't believe what I said
    They thought it was worthless
    What a waste of time.
    I never should do this again.
    It was ridiculous, and no one cared.
    Not long enough, stupid, ridiculous.
    How can I do this?
    what makes you think you can take their time and tell them stuff like that.
    No one cares about it, just shut the f**k up....

    and so there I was feeling like shit, and thinking it was not a success. Why? Why did I do that instead of just being happy? Why do I have to second guess myself and what I do and put myself down? Why am I not incline to do the opposite? how can I change that?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Maybe you're trying to sabotage yourself because you feel that you don't deserve to be happy or feel any positive emotions, or get any compliments or anything like that. That's what I do to myself, but it can be a hard habit to break. It's not as easy as just saying, "think positively" because old habits die hard. But try not to be so critical of yourself and your abilities. If people seem genuine, if they enjoy your company, or give you compliments, then realize that you are a good person and that people do like you.
  3. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    I have long thought that one of the most difficult things to overcome is what Dorothy Rowe has called the 'cruel jailer' - the idea that one does not allow oneself to be successful.

    I consider this to be the feeling that because we've so long been in a dark place, we don't know how to react when things go well and the negative reaction becomes the stock reaction. Once you realise this I think it's a significant step to letting yourself go and having more fun in life...

    Just my two'penn'orth
  4. Percarus

    Percarus Account Closed

    I can relate to taking the negative outlook in things, but this for self preservation purposes. You see, by being a pessimist you are in one manner conditioning yourself for the worst outcome that may happen. This is not necessarily bad because ought tragedy finally befall then at least you would be ready to take the shock in comfort of self-survival. Some would argue that by being a pessimist greater gains are obtained than being an optimist who in the end, when given a final negative verdict, would be in so much utter shock and would be unable to cope with defeat. Of course, if you are going to continue like this, since you cannot control it, it is essential you develop pachyderm characteristics so as not to feel the worry 'pains' associated with pessimism.

    I gather you constantly think of the worst off outcomes in situations, but surely when you get congratulated for a feat, despite all the worry, great inner satisfaction and peace of mind is attained. It is a hard life the pessimist's life, but at least you may be living on a lesser state of delusion than an optimitist. The ideal would be something in between, I agree, and I guess the way to remove such worries from your mind would delve in a mental conditioning process to steer your mind away from the subject. Mayhap do something you enjoy right after, distract your mind with a reward, mayhap a treat, or maybe just go back directly to your favourite hobby or past-time. Worrying is not the end of the world, but not worrying about your actions may be the very cause of the end of your world. :)
  5. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Sorry - I could not disagree more with the "benefits" of pessimistic attitude. There are none. You live in fear of failure, refuse to accept success when it happens, and rather than greater inner satisfaction at good you presume the compliment is a lie and they are placating you.

    You reap what you sow- if all you sow is negative that is all you will reap from it. Optimistic and and unrealistic are not the same thing- but working hard and expecting a benefit from it is not unrealistic. A pessimist will presume that is going to happen and that will ensure that outcome. In the face of undeniable success they will see it as a one time thing and focus on the other times when things did not go well.

    Depression causes you to seek the worst and see the worst. It causes a lack of motivation that makes it easier to do nothing - including feel happy. It takes no effort to feel sad and depressed - you can simply feel. To feel happy you need to do to continue it. After months or years of depression it is simply a more comfortable state. By focusing effort on seeing positive as opposed to doing nothing and allowing the negative to consume you distance is placed between you and the dark places. Pessimist are not preventing disappointment- they are guaranteeing it. An optimist gets knocked down and sees a way back up and to continue - a pessimist gets a success and sees it as validating their previous inadequacies and proof they are worthless.

    And both are in fact a choice- simply one requires more effort (that I can not always manage either) and one is simply a place to hide and to reaffirm no need to try more.
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