I got in trouble for public intoxication. I didnt mean to bother anyone but i have learned that if i just drink 1 too many i fall into pieces about my past. I was malesteted.. Then later in my 20s i was raped. I have severe ptsd and im so afraid of what my life has become. I have no one to talk to. I dont want my friends and family to look at me. With shame. I pulled away from everyone and now know what its like to feel so alone that even in the presence of Family i just want to break down. This feeling never seems to go away or even let up. I think about ending it all day. I try to get out of my own head. But it just keeps repeating.