Afraid

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by i/0, Mar 11, 2013.

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  1. i/0

    i/0 Member

    My existence is growing unbearable. I can barely get out of bed anymore, and I'm tired all the time, I don't have the energy to keep going. I feel like someone's constantly squeezing the life out of my heart and lungs. I'm on meds, I've had therapy, nothing makes the pain go away. There's no hope or happiness, I just drag myself through the motions, I have nothing to look forward to but despair and failure. The one person I thought understood walked out on me and won't talk to me anymore. I just cut for the first time in over a year, and seeing the blood I almost lost control and <edit mod total eclipse method> I wanted to do it so badly. I'm sick of being stuck in this corporeal husk, I want nothing but to end the suffering. But at the same time, my biggest fear is ending up in a coma, trapped with my thoughts, it would be even more of a living hell. Even if I recovered, I would just go back to my same shitty worthless life in the same ugly indifferent world, nothing but a burden and a failure. No matter how many platitudes I hear, how many people on the internet say *hugs*, it doesn't change the fact that life is pain, and the only thing that can make it stop is death. I can't take the pain anymore. But my body didn't come with an OFF switch, it stupidly insists on living against my will. Why can't I just fucking die?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 11, 2013
  2. i/0

    i/0 Member

    Whatever. I figured this wouldn't help. Can't fight any longer. Nothing left to do now but follow through. No more suffering, no more soul-crushing despair and emptiness. Just peace. <edit modtotal eclipse time line >
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 11, 2013
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry your friend baled on you hun as said you want the pain the sadness to end not your life hun. You keep talking here no one will bale out on you here hun
    Peace i too have been working on that one hope as well. It is there hun just depression we cannot see it. You need to call your doctor or crisis line if you are going to harm yourself
    I edited out the triggering parts of your post and time line hun they are not allowed. Please there is help just pick up phone and talk to someone talk to your doctor get things changed up a bit but keep trying hun until you beat this depression.
     
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes, like Total Eclipse said, can you maybe call a helpline? And also please continue to post at sf? It is a supportive community. But also I think its important to have support irl when possible. Do you think you could also reach out and call a helpline?

    Again, I hope you will continue to post at these forums. Because it is a good community for many.
     
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