My existence is growing unbearable. I can barely get out of bed anymore, and I'm tired all the time, I don't have the energy to keep going. I feel like someone's constantly squeezing the life out of my heart and lungs. I'm on meds, I've had therapy, nothing makes the pain go away. There's no hope or happiness, I just drag myself through the motions, I have nothing to look forward to but despair and failure. The one person I thought understood walked out on me and won't talk to me anymore. I just cut for the first time in over a year, and seeing the blood I almost lost control and <edit mod total eclipse method> I wanted to do it so badly. I'm sick of being stuck in this corporeal husk, I want nothing but to end the suffering. But at the same time, my biggest fear is ending up in a coma, trapped with my thoughts, it would be even more of a living hell. Even if I recovered, I would just go back to my same shitty worthless life in the same ugly indifferent world, nothing but a burden and a failure. No matter how many platitudes I hear, how many people on the internet say *hugs*, it doesn't change the fact that life is pain, and the only thing that can make it stop is death. I can't take the pain anymore. But my body didn't come with an OFF switch, it stupidly insists on living against my will. Why can't I just fucking die?