I am so much afraid right now... I have to call my doctor tomorrow to make an appointment with him and i am thinking about asking him to go ahead and put me onto the chemo and radiation scehduale but i have never been through nothing like that... i dont know if i can do it and its not really going to help matters any just prolong this stupid pain and hurt that i got.... i dont know if i can go through it or not.... i want to just give up and end it all right now.. what is the point in trying to go on or fight a battle that i can not win.. i have been drinking tonight and taking my ibuprofhen pills to ease this pain yet it is making me want to just give up and end it all... im having those feelings again of just ending it all. i mean what is the point in trying to go on for anyhow??? heck im dying and i cant stop it.. i have nothing to look forward to but a death.. Im afraid of trying to fight this.. i have no one. and no one would care about me if i did go on and die.. what is the point in trying to live? to suffer more of this stupid pain??