After 12 years of life crushing immune disorder, considering an end

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Trick_Wiley, Mar 27, 2008.

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  1. Trick_Wiley

    Trick_Wiley New Member

    12 years ago I got sick with a mysterious immune disorder (They call it Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, but that really doesn't do much for me) and it's wrecked my life. I've had short periods where I could work, develop relationships and try to build back a life, only to relapse, lose money, lose relationships and end up bedridden for months and even years.

    I've strictly adhered to natural foods, done yoga when I could, meditated, prayed, done qi gong, tried supplements, seen doctors and spent over $50,000 out of pocket over 12 years. Now I'm near broke and too sick to work for over two years.

    SSDI from the govt won't even pay my rent. But MOST OF ALL. I'm TIRED OF BEING BEDRIDDEN. TIRED OF HAVING NO LIFE.

    I have no family to take me in or help. My Mom's dead, my father won't help and my sister lives in foreign embassies, working for the govt. I have no friends left who can help me.

    But that wouldn't matter anyway. This is my decision. I don't want to live with this crippling illness where I feel sick every day and there has been and so far is no cure.

    Before I spend my last $5,000 I want to take a trip somewhere nice and lay on a beach. Then I am going to overdose or drown or 'have an accident.' I would prefer to have an accident so as not to hurt anyone left behind who might care.

    If you have any ideas for a good accident that would be easy and not too painful please feel free to suggest.

    This is a very rational decision I've come to after 3 years of soul searching. I've lived a GREAT life mostly (except this illness) and I'm just DONE WITH THE PHYSICAL AND MENTAL SUFFERING.

    I feel people with incurable illnessess that render them bedridden and in pain should have the option to die with dignity. I'm choosing that route. I feel it is compassion and if you are a Christian, though the bible may disagree, I have made my peace with Christ and I believe he forgives me.
  2. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    The biggest belief I do know is that our mind is boundless . It cannot be restricted by any thoughts . Come to rational these thoughts with another thoughts ,let your mind go in a battle ,a very deep battle.

    Religion for me is a trial to conquer the mind very settled way good bad or indifferent.

    It is a pity to say me included,that we allow the outsiders control both our body & brain. However the mind can chose which path is our path.

    " You can conquer my body ,but not my Mind." Anomymal
  3. Ire

    Ire Guest

    Whatever path you choose...

    I pray that you find peace!
  4. peacegirl

    peacegirl Well-Known Member

    Oh my god, how I identify with you. I have been ill with chronic fatigue syndrome that has destroyed the life I once knew. I cannot tell you that killing yourself is not the way to go, because I have thought about this myself. But if there is the slightest possiblity that you could hang on just in case we learn more about how the immune system works (and we are learning more everyday), I pray that you will be able to hold onto hope that this illness can be overcome. I know it's hard. I know about pain. I know about resentment that other people are well, so why was I chosen to be sick? I hope and pray you can hold on, but I can't tell you what to do because I'm not in your shoes.
  5. ih8u

    ih8u Active Member

    i'm on this forum due to health problems as well. the major problem for me is my stomach, which makes me uncomfortable and sick all the time. i've tried a bunch of alternative therapies and medication, but no help. the symptoms affect my day to day function and i end up lying on my stomach most of the time. it really sucks. i feel like there's a constant fog over my brain as well. i've had this for about 3 years, since i was 14. i can't even fucking complete my education.

    my family has spent a fortune as well and we're pretty poor... the future looks bleak. my body also has other problems that cause me grief. i can't bother to think about those too much because i'll end up angry. i'm not that religious, but half my family is buddhist, while the other half is christian. i don't know what buddhism has to say about suicide, but i do know they believe in reincarnation. hey if this life sucks, i'm ready to jump off and go on to a new one... but i could end up a pig or rat.

    i hang on a small thread of hope. it's slowly wearing out though. good luck to you and the rest of us who could be out having fun and living life were it not for the betrayal of our bodies.
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