After 2 suicide attempts last may, im trying to improve my life

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by BigC, Sep 10, 2013.

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  1. BigC

    BigC Member

    Hi everybody,

    i'm new to this forum. Last may i tried to commit suicide 2 times in 1 week.
    And now im living with the after effects. Im 30 years old from the netherlands. about 1,5 year ago i lost my mom. she was only 54 years old when she died of breast cancer. To be more specific, it spreaded to her brains. Thats what killed her. And i not really gave myself the time to grief. Also financial problems. and my troubled past is what got me boiled up, i guess.

    Now im talking with a social worker and i think its very good to talk with a complete stranger. That is also why i am here right now. i dont know you people, but we all got 1 or 2 things in common.

    Also to tell people my experience with all this, i started my own weblog. Where i will tell all about what i have been through and where i am going from here. Through that way i hope i can help people to put life in another perspective.

    I just started my weblog, so excuse me if there is not so much on it yet or it does not look perfect yet. Its al a work in progress, but i hope you will take the time to come read about it and let me know what you think.

    my blog is on

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry: personal info>

    Kind regards,

    Big C
  2. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    hello and welcome.

    i think that's cool you are trying to improve your life- how is it going for you?

    what are you working towards at the moment if you want to share
  3. BigC

    BigC Member

    hi emily,

    thanks for your interest,
    recently, since april i'm married with my thai wife.
    and since november 2011 my mom died, and i could take over our home.
    At this moment im talking with a social worker. with her, im learning to processing my past. help me grief.
    From the moment my mom died, i never give myself the time and space to grief about her death. And together with my problematic past it got to trying commit suicide 2 times in just 1 week.
    I was not really depressed. it just got inside my head and i could not get these thoughts out of my head. so i picked a place where nobody would find me and take action.

    I have lots of people around me who care for me. and i knew this too. but at that certain moment, i could not care about that.
    now i also have lots of financial problems and i also got help for that.
    and i was trying to get my wife to come live with me. and all that pressure that came with it, made me feel like a loser.

    when i found out it helped me to talk with a complete stranger about my problems, i decided to setup this website where i keep a blog. and i want to tell people my story, hoping to help others too.
    i know its not easy to seek for help, for me it certainly was not easy, but i did and now i feel much better. i know i still have a long way to go, but im going into the right direction.

    i hope to hear from you soon.

    Big C
  4. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i think a blog's a good idea.

    not just to get your story out their, but it can also act as a distraction- something you constantly update, their for a reason to live

    i am glad you found this site too.. i hope you get out of it what you're looking for
  5. BigC

    BigC Member

    hi emily, thanks for your vision on my blog.
    yes i think a blog's a good idea too. now i just wish people would come and visit it and let me know what they think about it.

    it would a lot to me.
    first of all, i see my blog as my personal way of telling what i feel, what i think about things, but at the same time i would like other people's opinion about it too.

    kind regards,

    Big C
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